First autumn morning
the mirror I stare into
shows my father’s face. – Murakami Kijo 1865–1938
Time has been kind to me, I have had many triumphs in my life. I have also had profound sorrows, but here I stand, whole. I am older now, I am staring at my 50th birthday soon. I think back to when I was younger, have I done everything I wanted? No. Have I done wonderful things? Yes.
It’s fall and I haven’t shaved in a while, I have a lot of grey hair. I ache now, nothing harmful or prohibitive but I do. Something needed to be moved this weekend, it was heavy, I would normally do it no problem. My wife had my son and his friend do it. “Your father doesn’t need to do this. You’re young and you need to do these things so your dad doesn’t have too. please take care of it” I heard her whisper to my son when she thought I wasn’t listening.
I am older now, I am wiser, in the seasons of my life I am in my fall. I am not decrepit, I am not too old, I am aging, I am no longer young…
I am at peace with this, it is a good spot to be in. I might let my beard grow, it makes me look older than I am.
Just like the poem, I look in the mirror and I see my father’s face.
I’m happy, I love the fall….