This post is more of a cathartic exercise for me. I have been stricken with a bout of anxiety. Now like many of you I am functioning with Anxiety. Often my days are fine no problems but like so many, from time to time I am flooded with intrusive thoughts that can be psychologically crippling.
We all have issues in your lives, other people, family, work, on and on. It’s when the cumulative effect of all of the above have worn you down that you are most vulnerable to bouts of depression and anxiety. For me its like falling into a pit of woe, I have such a hard time shaking it and it impacts me to the point I don’t want to go out, see people or do anything really.
It passes, eventually but while I am in it life can be challenging. I am coming out of a 3-day cycle. Everything lined up for this one, I had an issue at work, a family member is very sick, I needed a car repair, the seasons are changing (its darker now). You get the picture. I’ve been writing this blog for nearly a year now on Anxiety issues.
I know what to expect and I know my personal triggers but BAM it still hits you. I’ve come to realize that the amplification for me is based on the simple premise that I fear the unpredictability of the future. I guess that’s everyone’s hook right? It’s the no knowing part that always seems to be the most crippling part.
That and a lack of control of circumstances and conditions. It’s kind of like flying. For me I’ve flow over a hundred times but every time I am anxious. I have no control over what is going to happen, and hence my ability to predict the outcome is tainted. It’s like that when other things happen as well. As mentioned above if someone is sick or a car needs to be fixed that lack of control and the unpredictability of the future is just crippling.
Of course, more often then not, everything turns out fine. I worry about it, drive myself into this pit of woe via anxiety and…. Life seems to go on. I’m still here, still surviving and pulling myself out of my malaise. Still a weekend was lost. I was like a zombie and was just working toward being alone as much as possible. These are the days why I work hard at trying to fight off anxiety. I lost this battle, it got the best of me for a while but the war wages on. I live to fight another day, and so should you. Hang in there….