So another post in my “better man” series. These posts are designed to help heterosexual men. They may or may not be applicable to all genders and all sexualities I simply don’t know as I am writing from my personal perspective. So there are lots of red flags in relationships and many of us miss them completely. Often for men it’s the chase and the conquest, warning signs be dammed. It’s one of the worse parts of being a heterosexual make, the lack of discipline can change your life.
So you started dating someone, you like her a lot, she likes you a lot. Many of the “boxes” are checked for you and you are considering a more meaningful commitment. You begin to discuss it and hint at it, or maybe she has then you hear something like this:
“I’ve had bad experiences with men in the past”
This is the red flag. Now this may not come out verbatim but something along the lines of “I was damaged or hurt in a prior relationship”. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Why? It’s a prelude to one of the biggest failings in early relationships. One (or both partners) are using their past relationship to gauge you. Of course we all do this to a degree but when someone actually verbalizes it, that means it is paramount for them.
Maybe they made mistakes, maybe their prior partner made huge mistakes. None of that is your fault. It’s the other persons issue, and for you to be held accountable for it normally means you will be paying for the mistakes of her past. Thus your future is reliant on how you measure up against SOMEONE ELSES mistakes. Now men do this too, this isn’t strictly a female trait but I’m willing to bet you hear them verbalize more often.
This is a red flag and if you really like the woman you have to get ahead of this quickly by informing her that you are unwilling to be measured against someone else’s mistakes. Ask her to articulate SPECIFICALLY what those issues were and try and address it as best you can. Again this is if you are really hooked but 9 times out of 10 your best long term move is to end this relationship quickly for both of your sakes.
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