So in my series on how to be a better man I cover a lot of subjects, this one might be the most controversial but it will take me the least amount of time to cover. So as a disclaimer let me be clear, the “how to be a better man” posts on my blog are meant for heterosexual men. I can’t speak to other genders or sexualities specifically as I am a heterosexual male. This advice may or may not apply to you, only you can decide.
So many men in the west complain about women (and vice versa) specifically about the cultural change that has happened in the last 50 years. Women are more empowered sexually, in the work place and in just about every aspect of society. I’m not going to quibble on if it’s enough etc., but things have changed and largely for the better.
Not according to some men. They want a “traditional” relationship where gender roles are clearly established based on traditional western societal norms. We first have to acknowledge and accept that things have changed. In marriage things have shifted a great deal actually, one only has to look at outcomes for men in divorce to see it clearly. Not to mention the societal shift in valuation of men in comparison to women.
I’m not going to go in depth on those aspects of the narrative. I am going to speak about what you want and specifically how to obtain it. Passport wives has become a new phenomenon in the modern male movement as there is this belief that women in other cultures are more apt to accept a traditional female role in a relationship. That might be true, the evidence suggests it is but I can’t say that unequivocally myself.
What I can say is to the men directly – be clear on your expectations, be reasonable and do not settle. Now if you want a traditional relationship that’s fine. Who cares where the woman is from if you both share the same values and desired outcome? We are talking about a marriage, go look the word up it, it is a legally or morally formed union. You are uniting as one, so other than children this is the most significant relationship you will ever have in your life.
Marriage has an extreme effect on your personal wellbeing along with all of the legalities that form around shared property within the current legal system. So a “passport wife” is fine if that’s what you want, but don’t kid yourself that finding someone from say Albania is going to magically negate the realities and legalities of marriage. You have to find someone who you share the same values as, they can be anywhere.
The key for you is vetting this person. Live with them, experience them and really pay close attention to how they represent themselves (and you) to other people. In the end there is no full proof method to selecting a marriage partner. Cultural differences are a thing, I’m not denying that but you can go half way across the world and still find a bad person. Be careful about marriage, for a man it’s the biggest commitment you will ever make.
Western culture has changed; the social construct has built in many safeguards to protect women. Some might be over zealous, fine, others are spot on. Regardless of where your potential spouse was born, its where you chose to marry, and under those laws that is of the outmost importance. This assumes of course you did your diligence and you have shared values to begin with…
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