Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man – Answering one of the biggest questions for single men.

I am married 20+ years so you need to consider that as you read on and I give you, a single man this advice. Also keep in mind when I write posts about improving as a man it is based on my perspective as a heterosexual male. It doesn’t mean that this advice isn’t applicable to non-heterosexuals or females but it’s important to get these caveats out of the way first so you have a clear understanding where I am coming from.

I am not a fan of hardcore MGTOW. I think to be completely MGTOW requires you to remove women from your life completely and that’s a mistake. MGTOW light? I think that’s the way to go, which means simply treat women with respect and complete honesty and DEMAND the same in return. That said I see a reoccurring theme out there in the online world. I see women talking about it and men. So what is this one “biggest questions for single men?”

“Should I date single mothers?”

There are all sorts of stereotypes that come with being a parent, and even more if you are a single parent. This blog post is meant to deal with the single man and how they should approach this extremely important question. The quick answer is yes you should. Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are a bad person so let’s get that out of the way. The question becomes for you, “why are you dating a single mother?”

Do you just want to hook up? Do you love the fact she is a mother? Do you like kids?

It’s a big question because no matter how you look at the issue your decision affects a child. Thus a good man considers his motivations prior to getting to deep with a single mom. If you hurt her it has a residual effect on a child. There are all sorts of people in this world, there are plenty of single moms who want to hook up and aren’t looking for relationships and that’s cool. There are many who are looking to land a man to help them provide for themselves and their child. That’s understandable and a natural instinct. You shouldn’t penalize a woman for wanting someone to help them care for their children, that’s a common sense play.

Kids need consistent role models

The way in which they may obtain that in some cases might be suspect but the instinct is natural. Most of that really doesn’t matter though, because you are the one in control here. The allure of sex is potent, many men have fallen for it and with it all the residual baggage. Every one of those mothers are women, they want to be special to someone too it’s not solely about “I have to get some guy on the hook to secure this child”.

That said you also have to be honest, that child is not yours. Be very clear here and do not kid yourself. You may love the mom and love the kid, but it isn’t your child that means you will always have an outside influence into your most intimate relationship. Maybe the Ex is still in the picture? Maybe the grand parents still have input? Maybe her siblings measure you against the ex?

It’s an additional dynamic to an already complex relationship. Making relationships work with the opposite sex is hard enough. Add in someone else’s child and you are making that complexity much more prevalent. If she is a good mom, that child will always come before you and you have to understand and accept that. So again, yes you should date single mothers but be very clear going in what you expect, what you want and that she has someone else in her life that will always be a higher priority then you. If that isn’t something you want to deal with that’s cool, you aren’t a bad guy for being honest about that. If though you go in for the score and then bail, and that wasn’t clear to her you are damaging her and by extension the child. Don’t be that guy, hook ups are fine if everyone is on the same page with their expectations. With single mom’s you have to go the extra distance to be very clear what you want and what you need and make sure you both are in alignment.

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The Tradition of Christmas

As I am a pagan myself I get asked from time to time about Christianity. Let me be clear, I respect other religions and I think Christians are fine people. But what about the notion that “Christians stole Christmas, they don’t even know when Christ was born”.

This is mostly true, at least the part about when Christ was born. It’s very unlikely he was not born on December 25. That said I have a very simple answer for my pagan friends who believe Christians stole “Yule Tide” and made it Christmas. It’s done, railing against the past means you never move forward. Or as one of my Christian friends explained to me once in a reply blog post:

“The traditional date of December 25 goes back as far as A.D. 273. Two pagan festivals honoring the sun were also celebrated on that day and it is possible that December 25 was chosen to counteract the influence of paganism. To this day some people feel uncomfortable with Christmas because they think it is somehow tainted by the pagan festivals held on that day. But Christians have long believed that the gospel not only transcends culture, it also transforms it. In A.D. 320 one theologian answered this criticism by noting, “We hold this day holy, not like the pagans because of the birth of the sun, but because of him who made it.”

I’m pretty sure he/she copied that from somewhere else but I like the ending. Have a great holiday no matter what path your spirit travels and for my Christian friends, Merry Christmas!

What is Yule ?

Many of my readers know I am a pagan. Now like most people who practice religion I am not devout. Many of you go to church regularly, or the mosque but pagans like me not so much. Most of my beliefs are remnants of the past. Specifically, the ways in which our ancestors lived before monotheism religions. The fact is, peoples of all races and times have had gods. Its only recently that we have devoted ourselves to ONE god.

So, what is Yule? Yule is a period of time around the winter solstice. The name Yule is derived from the Old Norse HJOL, meaning ‘wheel,’ to identify the moment when the wheel of the year is at its lowest point, ready to rise again.

During this time the “Yule tide” is observed and celebrated which is where we get the “12 days of Christmas”. Christians when they spread their religion to northern Europe adopted several pagan customs to help ingratiate the populations into the new religion.

There is a great reference here This illustrates many of the similarities between yule and the Christmas season. From the site:

“Most of the symbols associated with the modern holiday of ”Christmas (such as the Yule log, Santa Claus & his Elves, Christmas trees, the Wreath, the eating of ham, holly, mistletoe, the star…) are derived from traditional northern European Heathen Yule celebrations. When the first Christian missionaries began trying to force the Germanic peoples to Christianity, they found it easier to invent a Christian version for popular feasts such as Yule and allow the celebrations to go on largely unchanged, rather than trying to suppress them. Halloween and Easter have been likewise assimilated from northern European Heathen religious festivals.”

There is so much more to expand on when it comes to Yule and ancient pagan practices. The Wreath, the Holy Tree, the Yule Log… on and on. Maybe this Christmas when you’re thinking about the season, harken back to your ancestors. I’m betting at least one of them, somewhere was celebrating Yule, dancing with their family and community, waiting for the long winter nights to slowly bring spring.

I hope you all enjoy this time of year and have some form of celebration in your life. No matter where you are from, your race, your gender, your sexual preference, your political affiliation I am glad you are here. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas and a joyful Yuletide.

Karac

Christmas Week

Hello dear readers. It is Christmas week and while I am a filthy unwashed Pagan at this time of the year I do take a break. I am not working this week (or next) and for the most part I spend a lot of time with my family. Yes covid and all we travel (we are all vaccinated). So there will be posts on the blog but some will be reposts, I have a few new posts ready to go but for today’s post I wanted to let you know what the blogs end of year is going to look like.

I wanted to also take this opportunity to thank you for all your support over 2021. It’s been a great year for the blog and I truly appreciate all your support. I am looking forward to 2022 and trying to expand to other topics that are new to me and hopefully you find interesting.

Please take some time off from the PC/screens sometime soon. The holidays are a great time to take a break. Whatever you do, I hope you are safe and in good health.

Your Pagan Friend,

Karac.

Finance tip – The best way to spend your money.

So the normal disclaimer, any financial advice you see on this blog are based on my opinions from decades in the finance industry. These may or may not work for you. Most finance professionals go on and on and on and on about saving, investing, your retirement they rarely spend time discussing with you how to spend your money. We all have to spend money to live. Food, Gas, gym memberships on and on. So what’s the best way to spend your money?

There are a couple of things here we to discuss before we answer that question directly. One of them is a personal theory, which is your consumption is your most powerful tool to affect the outcomes you want. Simply put, everyone wants your money. Companies, government, entertainers, you name it they work their butts off to obtain your money. If you agree with that theory then you realize when you chose to spend $100 on groceries, where you spend it is paramount. You see you are one of millions who are making that choice.

The game is how do you accumulate thousands (or millions) of people to spend their $100 at “Store X”. Places like Walmart spend millions of dollars every year in an attempt to convince you to spend your money there, and they are successful. You have to be aware of this, step away from it for a moment and then you can really see the best way to spend your money.

How much did you spend during the holidays?

What is that? The best way to spend your money is to spend it where it will have the greatest impact that you want. What does that really mean? Well do you want Walmart to make more money? Do you want them to import more products from other countries so you can get cheap products? If so then great you go do that. Do you want to support your local community and improve it directly? Take your $100 and go spend it at a locally owned store.

You’ll get less…. Don’t get me wrong here this isn’t a way to increase your purchasing power and obtain more for your money. There’s nothing wrong with that but if you want your spends to have the greatest impact you have to determine what is important to you and spend your money there, even if it means you get less. That is the best way to spend your money because your money then takes on an even higher value for you. You know that every penny you spend is spent further things that are important to you.

It’s okay to give your money to large companies, maybe they provide money to a charity you believe in and you want to support them, that’s cool. The point here is spend your money for the most impact and figure out what companies are in line with your personal believes. You may get less goods as a result but your return on your spending will be incredible. You’ll know the money you would have spent anyway is at least going to someone (or some company) whom you want to see prosper.

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How to be a better man – A Dad Lesson

In this series of posts I write about how to be a better man. Not every man will or is a dad and that’s fine. Many of you are or will be and there are a couple of hard realities that you have to accept when you become a dad. The first one is there is a new metric by which you are measured, the dad metric. Now everyone in your life has a father, and as a new father you are going to be measured against their father experience.

It’s an unrealistic unfair measure but its reality you are going to have to deal with it. The hardest thing to do? Is not let it flavor how you parent. You are a sum of your experiences. Parenting is a learned skill that millions (billion) before you have gotten through and there is no perfect path. Put down the parenting books, stop listening to “how hard” it is talks you get from other parents and let go of what other men are doing as a reflection on you.

Just show up and be present.

No matter how hard, how easy, how bad you do or how well you do just keep showing up. Being present means putting the phone away, keeping distractions at a minimum, keeping work at work. No matter what you do someone will be there to critique you and often it will be your spouse who takes shots at you that cut deep. While those can hurt, you have to move past that as well. Quick aside, many relationships become toxic once a child is born because expectations change. Have many conversations on your values first before ever bringing a child into the world.

How to move mountains
Sometimes a Mountain is a Mole Hill

10 years goes by fast, before you know it 20 have gone. What you are doing now when the child is 2, 6, 13 is critical because this is how they bond with you personally but also how they shape their view of fathers as they enter adult life. Even if you screwed everything up, you were always present you were trying. Believe me they will know this. The value of being there for children is immense. They are going to find their way in life, you did.

The key here is don’t get to absorbed into the expectations of others. The judgement of others or comparisons and yes that includes your spouse and immediate close family. Just keep showing up and being present and if you are still getting critiqued it generally means they have an issue with you not necessarily your parenting style. Now to be clear this is a license to be an A-Hole. Do the right thing, be a good person, be kind. No one should have to spell that out for you but one of the things dads don’t here often is “Thank you for always being there”.

Don’t miss recitals, don’t miss games, don’t miss family events, don’t work late constantly, don’t spend a lot of time away from home. Be present in that child’s life as much as you can, before you know it they will be old enough not to need you as much and you will have plenty of time to do your own thing.

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Am I contagious?

A Follow up to my post – Comply or Else

So this is a bit of a side track for this blog as I don’t normally do follow ups on recent posts. The post I am following up on can be found here. I have received more feedback than anticipated via email and direct message. A quick aside, it’s interesting as a creator to see the amount of people who actually look at your material far surpasses the likes on any given post. J

Let me say first there was one hostile person out of 6 who contacted me. The majority agreed with my post but wanted to emphasize a specific point. I’m going to make some blanket statements below that are meant to address the issues that were raised to me without compromising individual’s anonymity.

To the hostile person: I will never take responsibility for another adult’s emotional response unless I am specifically trying to harm them. I don’t know you. You were not a consideration in the post I made, how could you be? Again I don’t know you. I would encourage you to eliminate those people in your life you believe to be negative influences, if that includes my blog so be it.

To my friends in Australia: I only know what I see in the news and read online. I don’t in fact know how bad it is so it wouldn’t be responsible for me to pontificate about it. I hope you take some solace in the fact that there are millions of people around the world who are compliant out of convenience not out of agreement. The fact I chose vaccination was personal but as a gesture for you I will offer a brief explanation on my reasons. I have elderly people in my life who rely on me to help them. Putting them at risk of Covid would have been irresponsible, so I got the vaccine.  I had the choice, I was not forced (unlike you) if I had been forced perhaps my decision would have been different but months later, I am no worse for the wear. Get the vaccine, but keep the fight for liberty going.

To those who saw my comments on another blog: No “Comply or Else” is not a result of that interaction. Yes, that interaction influenced the post. My blog speaks for itself, I have been pro liberty since day 1 and If I see others who are not, I will give my opinion on it. I don’t regret any language used, I do regret that I was unable to articulate the point clearly enough so others couldn’t conflate some of the terms to inflame a narrative but I cannot control how other people think. This post and its context appear regularly on this blog, liberty is paramount, IMHO. We all use terms to emphasize a point, and when people chose to fixate on one term rather than the point it was trying to emphasize it’s a waste of time trying to convince them otherwise. More often than not, their mind is made up anyway. If I point at the sky and say “it’s blue” and the rebuttal is “no it isn’t, and “it’s” not an it” spending the next hour discussing what an it is, doesn’t change the fact that the sky is blue….

Am I being hyperbolic? Well yes to a degree, I won’t deny that. Nothing is absolute and sure “Comply or else” is clickbait but I stand by my prose. I think the cavalier attitudes around others freedoms is dangerous. I think healthy debate and a good examination of the issues, including nuances should be done. The environment (particularly online) is not conducive to that end so we do the best we can. This is the strength and weakness of dwelling in an online world.

My body my choice: This is specific to one person. I have no issue with this argument but correlating it back to an abortion argument is a fool’s errand. You are attempting to remove people’s emotions and argue logical points. I don’t dispute your argument; I think you are spot on but trying to convince an irrational person with a rational idea is a waste of time. I don’t have the energy for it anymore, good luck.

Conclusion: I’m not going to carry on with this beyond this post. I will read any messages you send me and comments here but I will never compromise your anonymity. If you are one of the people who contacted me privately you fall into one of the categories above and this should address the issues beyond our personal interaction.

I believe you should get vaccinated, but I believe you should get the right to choose to have it. Just like businesses should have the right not to serve you if you aren’t or chose not to serve you if you are. I believe we have become too reliant on “authorities” to tell us how to act and how to behave. Remember “no shirt, no service”? It was clear, concise and to the point and it was an agreed upon social contract. Be careful who you empower, it’s all abstract until you are the one who disagrees

Your Pagan Friend,

Karac

Enough

Anxiety: One quick way to get out of others grief.

Grief is horrible. It is usually derived from a cataclysmic event in someone’s life that is often unexpected. This can happen to anyone; someone you love or know could have a random serious medical condition tomorrow. Life is that fragile, I do not wish something like that on anyone. Now most of us reading this blog have some form of anxiety. Manageable for most of us but grief can spiral us out of control. Not just our grief but others as well.

I absorb other peoples emotional state, but like all good men I internalize it (joking…. Somewhat). The issue becomes when you absorb others emotional state or energy around a grief event this can spiral you towards revisiting your own grief events through your life. They don’t even have to be current, what you are doing is, is trying to empathize with the other person through a corollary of your own experiences.

If you are far along in your anxiety journey and can navigate that, bravo you’re doing awesome. Many of us can’t and it cripples us emotionally because we revisit some of the most painful episodes of our life. How do you deal with it, or as I quip in the title, how do you get out of others grief? It isn’t easy and requires a great deal of effort on your part because your instinct is to relate. How do you do it? You look them in the eye first. “What if they aren’t looking at me?” then you take both of their hands in yours (if appropriate), they will look at you then and say:

“I know you are hurting; I wish I could make this better for you. I will be right back”

You then go to another room if inside. If at a restaurant you go the bathroom. In a car? Instead of saying “I will be right back” you said “I need a quick minute” and say nothing.

Words can be Good, Bad, and Ugly

This may seem callus, cold and harmful its actually just the opposite. What you are doing is you are breaking the grief energy by not allowing yourself to be a conduit. Everyone has to grieve but the longer you do, the harder it becomes to escape its negative consequences. When you come back you can discuss the issue, offer sympathy, listen everything you normally would.

By breaking the flow immediately you give yourself and the person grieving pause. That pause is an opportunity to have other energy flow in. Breaking the continuous flow of grief is paramount to keeping anxiety in check. Do this regularly with those in grief, again come back to them provide them with support but when the energy starts to filter to you, break its flow with a polite removal of yourself.

This is a subtle social skill that if mastered will benefit you tremendously as you develop it. It may seem selfish, or self-absorbed and I can see why some might say that. The truth is breaking grief moments help expedite the opportunities for other moments to filter in. A story comes on the news, a song plays on the radio, a child needs attention. It’s not perfect but as individuals with anxiety grief can literally be a killer. Address it with as much grace as you can muster but always be aware of it.

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Comply or else

They are coming for you. It’s not a matter of if it’s a matter of when. Your neighbors, people you trust, someone within 100 feet of you right now. Who are they? Normal everyday people. Many of them are genuinely friendly and nice but they hide a deep secret. What is it? They have rationalized a consequence for your choices based on their fears. We have seen this many times throughout history and it rarely ends well. You see the logic is unassailable “This is a dangerous act, so you should comply or else”.

What if you don’t think it’s a dangerous act? That no longer matters. You will comply or you will be cancelled, reeducated, shunned, chastised, ridiculed or worse. This is what modern western culture has come too. This mindset is prevalent everywhere, from Belgium to Australia to the U.S and everywhere in-between.

You are living in a modern “cultural revolution”. Sure that term isn’t being used at the moment but go ahead, take a look at its use in the past, I dare you. This particular “revolution” is at its peak at the moment, at least that’s my estimation, I hope I am right. You see it’s not enough to feel a certain way, but if others don’t feel the same or accommodate that feeling? BAM! People are tired of it.

The Party is over.

The historic pattern is the same. A fear proposition is offered to the masses. Empowered by numbers many begin to dehumanize you. You must offer coherent arguments to satisfy their fear, even when you explain it clearly, its not enough. They have already made up their mind, they are empowered, you are the minority. You become labeled as non compliant…. A problem. You are then categorized based on this designation, anything else you have done doesn’t matter, you are now “X”. In the past you were marked physically so you could be identified this has evolved to your electronic signature but the concept is the same. All of this leads to one horrible end, you are put in a corner. Your options become less and less, your hand is forced. “COMPLY OR ELSE

In the past if someone was fearful, they protected themselves. Now? Everyone else has to change to accommodate their fear, regardless if its rational or not. I believe many, tens of millions, have had enough of this and are finding their voice and fighting back. Be wary of those who smile at you as they talk about taking away your liberty, they are extremely dangerous and most of them don’t even understand why.

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Surviving 2020 & covid

How to be a better man – 3 quick things you can do

Being a better man is subjective. It may be that you feel you are fine the way you are and that is great. If that is the case, thanks for coming by you don’t really need to read further. Looking for a few more pieces of wisdom to help on the journey? Read on. Below are 3 things you can do quickly that will indirectly help you be a better man.

  1. Drink less alcohol: Notice I am not saying quit booze, I’m saying drink less. The less you consume the higher chances you have of not having a negative outcome from alcohol consumption. Alcohol is fine for adults, a buzz from time to time is socially acceptable, helps reduce inhibitions and can really be fun as hell. On the flip side it can also lead to being drunk, black outs, DUI’s, obnoxious behavior and all sorts of other negative consequences.
  2. Watch less Porn: Notice I am not saying quit it all together. Let’s not B.S. one another here, millions, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of people (mostly men) have watched porn at some point in their lives. Masturbation and fantasy are fine, when tempered with the knowledge that Porn can alter the way you perceive women. It’s okay to desire women sexually, to want them to fulfill your sexual fantasies. That’s a normal healthy thing. Its unhealthy to transfer those desires to expectations. This distorts the relationship often leading to resentment on both sides. Be honest about your sexual desires and find a partner who you feel fills that need for you. They aren’t objects, or actress, they are women who love you and want you to be happy. Less porn = more realistic sexual relationships.
  3. Narrow the friend pool: We all have friends that are bone heads. They do dumb shit, are goof’s or are just bad influence all around. It’s okay to hang with the boys, blow off some steam and just be men but be honest about your crew. The older we get the more skin we have in the game of life and dumb mistakes get more painful. “Knuckle head Joe” maybe funny as hell since college but if you have a pregnant wife, a 5-year-old and a decent career it might be time to cut back on “joe time”. You know where I am going here, you know who the guy is in your circle. No need to be cruel about it, just start cutting back.
If you don’t ask the question, the default answer is no.

As a mini disclaimer I am a heterosexual male, my advice is always geared toward like-minded people. I don’t profess to have knowledge of homosexuals, bi sexual and everything in between. If these pieces of advice are applicable I will leave that to you. Remember the spirit in which these posts are made, to share wisdom and help improve men. They are not intended to all audiences, if you chose to consume the content and assume nefarious intent, you own that.

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