Did the title get you? It’s not click bait I will be very clear about the subject. A disclaimer first, my be a better man series is target toward heterosexual men. That’s what I am, and that is what I know. This advice isn’t meant to offend other sexualities, if you are offended that’s your choice. It may or may not be helpful to you regardless of your sexual identity.
So that out of the way let’s get to the heart of the issue right away: Watching pornography creates an unrealistic perception of females. Masturbating to pornography and inducing ejaculation gives you a dopamine release which floods the limbic system of the brain (our reward/feel good system). This is why it is so dangerous because one enhances the other and creates an extremely problematic outcome, unrealistic expectations.
You see the truth is fella’s, most women cannot compete with a porn star whose profession is to be highly sexual to please men. Now let me be crystal clear here, most women can compete on this level from time to time but daily on command? NOPE. Lingerie, toys, language, submission women can fill this want of yours but if you are watching porn and masturbating to it, you’re going to want this outcome regularly and no woman that I have met is up for that 24/7.
So now we have this reality that presents females with a really hard choice. Be themselves and have their male partners not fulfilled, or become something they aren’t and please their men? Both end in resentment, which is the silent killer of relationships. Look this isn’t an anti-male post here, women have plenty of their own issues they project on to us but I can’t control that. As a man though I can control my issues and work on my personal self-improvement.
So what is the answer? Here is what I did. First, I am married with 2 adult children, I am 52. In my 20’s I dated a lot had some some fun (and some heartbreak) and after marriage in my late 30’s early 40’s I started masturbating and watching porn regularly. 4 to 5 times a week actually and it had negative consequences for myself and my wife. So how did I fix this? I took the steps below.
- I wrote out in a journal for 90 days how often I watched porn and how often I masturbated.
- I wrote out what kind of porn I was watching. I was specific, as an example: Lingerie styles, hair color, positions, locations, ambience.
- I then cut the days in half and monitored.
- From there (where I am now) I made another cut. I only watch porn once a month, the first Sunday of every month and if I miss it, I don’t get a “make up session” I wait until the next month.
- I reduced how often I masturbate even if I don’t have intercourse with my wife. Honestly this is the hardest part. I either have to have intercourse or masturbate at least once a week if not more. Now it’s once a week or intercourse.
Now clarity on the items on the list, first #5. This changes with age, I’m 52 the engine still runs fine but has miles on it, lol you get the point. Items #1-2 this is where you have to be very honest with yourself. If you are watching a lot of porn you might be addicted. Additionally, the kind of porn you are watching is telling. Be very honest here and if you suspect you have an issue talk to a professional. Porn addiction is real and can lead to all sorts of negative outcomes.
The hoped for outcome here is you masturbate and watch porn less = better relationships with the women in your life. Removing this burden from her to “perform” based on your fantasies relieves a great amount of sexual tension. Additionally, it gives her the opportunity to give you the “gift” of a performance sometime in the future which you will thoroughly enjoy and empowers her sexually.
A healthy sexual relationship requires clear communication of expectations, wants, and desires. It’s okay to want your female sexual partners to “perform” for you, I mean why lie about it if that’s what you want? The issue becomes EXPECTING them to do so. Look at it this way, it’s a gift to be given by a woman, not a service to be provided to maintain you as a mate. Spend the time, make the effort and get a good understanding of your porn and masturbation habits. We want positive outcomes for ourselves and our partners so you work on what you can control, and this one is important.
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