Dressing to feel good !

How to be a good Husband, Boyfriend, Man – 1 critical tip

While the title might be targeted toward my male readers this tip is actually most useful for females, or other males, who need to gauge a man in their life. I don’t care what your sexuality is, what you identify as or how you view relationships. I can say that that this one critical tip can be applied to anyone really but as I am male, a husband and have been a boyfriend that’s what I can speak to with a great deal of experience.

The Tip? Be honest, be direct, be kind.

“Karac that’s three things” Its three concepts but it’s one tip. When you talk to people, particularly your partners with whom you maintain an intimate relationship with you need to evoke these concepts as universally as possible. We see all over the web people being “direct” now, behind their VPN’s and made up names. What about in the real world? How about when you are in the car driving home from a movie and you are asked “do you think she is prettier than I am?”

That happens, so how do you answer it? Particularly if you do in fact think she was.

Be honest “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful”

Be direct “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful” this is both honest and direct

Be Kind “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful, just like you” this is all three

The person asking likely knows the woman is prettier, the movie star has a team doing her make-up and hair for the filming…. Questions like these are integrity tests really. What if you said “no you are way better looking than she is”? You are sending the clear message that you are willing to lie to make someone feel good, even when you both know it’s a lie. The damage of doing this is hard to measure in the short term but over time it is crippling.

Lies are not an option

Look at it this way, if a woman knows you will lie to her to make her feel better how can she ever respect you? Women, in my experience, want their partners to be honest. It’s one of the most important traits they look for in a good man even if, sometimes, that honesty hurts. I can’t speak to how other non-heterosexual relationships work but I don’t think I am going out on a limb here when I say everyone desires honesty.

Honesty allows for deeper intimate relationships. Without it, the lines of what is or is not truth become blurred and it’s a never ending game of trying to keep up the appearance of a reality that’s based half-truths. Eventually words stop having impact “you look great” you might say to her. Do you mean it? Does she think you mean it? Being honest, direct and kind is challenging. You will have relationships that crumble because of it because there are many people out there who don’t want honesty, they want an illusion of honesty to fit the narrative they have created in their mind.

In the end, your most successful relationships will be with people whom you can be honest with. Who can be honest with you and can do so directly and with kindness. This takes time to hone as a skill, I am not suggesting you share your honest feelings about every little thing that comes up. If you are asked though? Yes, you must. You will begin to build the foundations of a relationship that can start to employ trust through your ability to be honest, direct and kind.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

It’s not about being perfect it’s about getting better.

This post falls under the “other musings” category and is an opinion/sharing wisdom piece. I am almost 50 years old, I have worked in a professional office setting in various finance roles since the mid 90’s. I’ve seen a lot of theories on professional development, personal growth and overall goal setting to achieve outcomes. The first piece of wisdom I can impart to you is a goal set by other people that you work on are your tasks.

What does that mean? It means that often people in your life have things they want to accomplish but need your help. Work, personal it doesn’t matter really, you participate in the process, let’s say someone is remolding a kitchen. You come over on a Saturday and help haul some trash away. You completed a task to help them achieve their goal.

The trick is to not fall into the trap of being consumed by other people’s goals. This happens a lot in relationships, someone has a vision for their life and you accommodate them as best you can because you love them. If you are lucky, you share the same goal, if not you will be in a “giving” situation in that relationship and that can be draining.

When Life gives you Lemons make Lemonade!

The second piece of wisdom (hang in there, there are only 3 🙂 ) is goals are great for your personal growth and improvement but perfection is the bane of very good or great. What does that mean exactly? Setting a goal for yourself “I will finish my Masters by 28” is great but you have to accommodate life. Rigid goals that have absolutes built in often fail and it’s often the case that we blame ourselves for this and become very hard on ourselves. Anything can happen, what if at 27 someone you love gets sick and you have to take a year off school? Was your goal a failure?

The third piece of wisdom is taking the time to figure out and decide what it is you really want. This is the holy grail of self-awareness isn’t it? Maybe you are a faith based person, maybe you believe in animal rights etc… The goal here is to figure out what makes you happy, and what do you really want to do. This can take decades or it can take minutes but healthy self-reflection is a necessary process to determine where you stand in the desired outcome. We take time to get our coffee’s, go to the gym, update our I-phone operating systems why aren’t we taking MORE time to self-evaluate? Get a journal, from time to time write down the things you are doing and write down how you felt about it. From time to time go back through it, were there multiple entries with you at a beach being happy?

The point here is it’s not about perfection, you’ll never make it but you can achieve very good and that is progression. Progression = getting better and that is figurative and literal. When you achieve goals, even partially you are putting the building blocks together of success and mental contentment. You can do it, and even if you stumble or flat out fail, it’s okay you pick yourself up and keep going.

Remember, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about getting better.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog! Please remember to like, subscribe and share this post I truly appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click Here.