Dressing to feel good !

How to be a good Husband, Boyfriend, Man – 1 critical tip

While the title might be targeted toward my male readers this tip is actually most useful for females, or other males, who need to gauge a man in their life. I don’t care what your sexuality is, what you identify as or how you view relationships. I can say that that this one critical tip can be applied to anyone really but as I am male, a husband and have been a boyfriend that’s what I can speak to with a great deal of experience.

The Tip? Be honest, be direct, be kind.

“Karac that’s three things” Its three concepts but it’s one tip. When you talk to people, particularly your partners with whom you maintain an intimate relationship with you need to evoke these concepts as universally as possible. We see all over the web people being “direct” now, behind their VPN’s and made up names. What about in the real world? How about when you are in the car driving home from a movie and you are asked “do you think she is prettier than I am?”

That happens, so how do you answer it? Particularly if you do in fact think she was.

Be honest “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful”

Be direct “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful” this is both honest and direct

Be Kind “Prettier? Yes, she’s beautiful, just like you” this is all three

The person asking likely knows the woman is prettier, the movie star has a team doing her make-up and hair for the filming…. Questions like these are integrity tests really. What if you said “no you are way better looking than she is”? You are sending the clear message that you are willing to lie to make someone feel good, even when you both know it’s a lie. The damage of doing this is hard to measure in the short term but over time it is crippling.

Lies are not an option

Look at it this way, if a woman knows you will lie to her to make her feel better how can she ever respect you? Women, in my experience, want their partners to be honest. It’s one of the most important traits they look for in a good man even if, sometimes, that honesty hurts. I can’t speak to how other non-heterosexual relationships work but I don’t think I am going out on a limb here when I say everyone desires honesty.

Honesty allows for deeper intimate relationships. Without it, the lines of what is or is not truth become blurred and it’s a never ending game of trying to keep up the appearance of a reality that’s based half-truths. Eventually words stop having impact “you look great” you might say to her. Do you mean it? Does she think you mean it? Being honest, direct and kind is challenging. You will have relationships that crumble because of it because there are many people out there who don’t want honesty, they want an illusion of honesty to fit the narrative they have created in their mind.

In the end, your most successful relationships will be with people whom you can be honest with. Who can be honest with you and can do so directly and with kindness. This takes time to hone as a skill, I am not suggesting you share your honest feelings about every little thing that comes up. If you are asked though? Yes, you must. You will begin to build the foundations of a relationship that can start to employ trust through your ability to be honest, direct and kind.

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Concepts of Grace

If we look at the Christian interpretation of what grace is we get a better glimpse into its overall meaning and understanding to many.

Grace /ɡrās/



  • 1.do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one’s presence:”she bowed out from the sport she has graced for two decades”synonymsdignifydistinguish, add distinction to, add dignity to, honor, … more

So grace in biblical parlance is the forgiveness and rebirth given to believers by god. How this has evolved in our culture is to extend grace to those who might otherwise be in a lesser position then you. This can be giving alms to the poor, this can be helping the elderly, this can be teaching the young.

It is important not to confuse Grace with Mercy. Mercy is the act of extending forgiveness to those who, for the most part is within your power to harm. A classic example Is not delivering a finishing blow to a defeated opponent.

For many pagans our allowance for grace falls under our concepts of fate. Meaning, fate places me in a position the grant enact grace. Fate is a series of choices set before you with outcomes derived from the choices made.

Regardless of where you fall on the spiritual spectrum, we are at a point in western society where we have reached, I hope, the peak of our discord. We have been unkind to one another for decades now, if not centuries. Now is the time to enact some grace, if you can. Yes that means your interactions online as well.

Take the time to really examine how you are interacting with people, what you say, even online can have a profound effect on others you don’t know and will never meet.

Are you choosing grace over negativity?