Forgiveness is overrated

This will be a controversial post but I think it needs to be said. Forgiveness as a concept is wonderful for those worthy of it. The narrative of forgiveness is centered around “it’s for you not them”. It’s supposed to make you feel better and move on. For some people it can for many of us it just suppresses the anger of the betrayal. Many of us have been faced with the forgiveness narrative. A “second chance” is almost expected in many cases and if you don’t give one YOU are the villain.

I believe forgiveness should be extended to a very small pool of people. I am talking about kids, spouses, siblings and parents. Beyond that I believe it should be used sparingly if at all. What we don’t do often enough is examine the cause and effect of the betrayal. Why did this happen? Why am I in a position to HAVE to extend forgiveness? if you have been wronged by someone, more often than not the person who wronged you did so knowing that it would be a betrayal.

Now they probably hope that you never find out, but they know the behavior is wrong, but they do it anyway. In my mind someone who knowingly harms me with the intent to hide the action is a threat. This person is willingly hurting me, knowing they are doing so and trying to hide it from me. What exactly is worthy of forgiveness in that scenario? Now this can be infidelity, financial, spiritual there are all sorts of levels to do this.

Forgiveness is divine

What should you do? It really depends on your situation; you may need this person in your life presently. Each person has their own spirituality and many might struggle with the concept of NOT forgiving someone. For me, if someone I love and trust knowingly harms me I would have a hard time forgiving, if at all. For me the only people in the world whom I would even consider forgiveness in that situation are my children.

Remember there are different levels of betrayal. I’m talking about the major transgressions in life. I hope you are never faced with a scenario like this. If you are remember forgiveness is a gift, perhaps one of the most valuable gift you can give. Don’t give it over so freely, and never be convinced that it’s your duty to do so. Forgiveness, in many cases is overrated.

Thanks for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.


The Wisdom of Tolkien… Again…

Yes, it’s time for another piece of wisdom from J.R.R. Tolkien the creator of the wonderful world of Middle Earth, or as most identify it as “The Lords of the rings”. Tolkien’s frame of reference for his writings are anchored in perhaps the most horrific time in human history. He fought in WWI, then there was the Spanish flu, then the great depression, then WWII. To have all that calamity and still be able to muster grand stories of triumph and hope are a testament to his sprit

To the wisdom…

“The treacherous are ever distrustful.” The Two Towers Gandalf

How does this apply to us now and what can we glean from this quote? First we have to acknowledge “The treacherous”. Treachery is a unique word as it is of course a negative connotation but its meaning, and why it’s so negative is the active pursuit of deception and betrayal. This of course can only be achieved once trust is given. Simply put you can’t be deceived by someone you don’t trust and that’s why it’s so sinister.

So what is he telling us here, its literal of course but it is so hard to enact because we want to believe the people we have given trust to deserved it and are worthy of it. If someone has committed treachery against you, you can’t trust them again.

Extreme? Perhaps but trust is a remarkable gift to give. It leaves you wide open to all sorts of potentially negative (and positive outcomes). For those in our lives who accept this trust and don’t betray it we usually have fantastic and robust relationships with them.

Sadly, we all have stories of someone we trusted that betrayed that trust, however minor. That is treachery and this is the lesson Tolkien is trying to instill. Giving your trust to someone else is a tremendous gift, perhaps the greatest one you can give. If someone betrays it, that gift should not be given to them again.

Trust is your most valuable personal asset.

Never trust again? No that’s not what he is saying here. If you are betrayed, you can never fully trust that person again. It sounds simple doesn’t it? Yet why do we do it? How much forgiveness have you extended in your life? How many times has your trust been betrayed?

Be mindful of whom you give this gift to, many who are treacherous do so for selfish reasons and not intending to harm you at all. That’s what makes the treachery that much more painful, they never thought of you as highly as you thought of them, you never had their trust, but they had and used yours.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog. Please remember to like, subscribe and share. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.