This is going to be a quick post today. So in my “how to be a better man series” I offer advice to heterosexual men. I suppose the advice can be used by anyone really but I try not to speak into sexualities, genders, etc. that I do not have direct experience with. So please take it in the spirit in which it is offered.
So “Maybe it’s you” what does that mean? Simply put, if everywhere you got things end up smelling like shit for one reason or another, it’s time to check your shoes. You might actually be the issue here. If your relationships with females all end a certain way, or if your work situations always seem to devolve to the same bullet points you have to be honest with yourself.
If you treat a woman like a Queen, she should be treating you like a King
YOU are always present in these situations. The likelihood of the same outcomes happening over and over with unrelated parties because of THEIR choices is highly unlikely. If you have dated four females and each one of them end the same way I would ask you, did they know each other? If they did not then the common denominator is you.
Self-reflection, honesty and a strong effort into self-improvement is going to fix many of these situations. Just because “It’s you” doesn’t mean it cannot be fixed. You have to do the work to identify what exactly the problem is. If, as an example, you are dating and you have no desire to get married, but constantly date women who DO desire to get married, you have to fix that.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself, and even that is a challenge at time. Keep working hard, Keep pushing yourself and remember to always give yourself grace. You are not perfect, none of us are but self-awareness and honesty are the pathways to being a better man.
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So in my series on how to be a better man I cover a lot of subjects, this one might be the most controversial but it will take me the least amount of time to cover. So as a disclaimer let me be clear, the “how to be a better man” posts on my blog are meant for heterosexual men. I can’t speak to other genders or sexualities specifically as I am a heterosexual male. This advice may or may not apply to you, only you can decide.
So many men in the west complain about women (and vice versa) specifically about the cultural change that has happened in the last 50 years. Women are more empowered sexually, in the work place and in just about every aspect of society. I’m not going to quibble on if it’s enough etc., but things have changed and largely for the better.
Not according to some men. They want a “traditional” relationship where gender roles are clearly established based on traditional western societal norms. We first have to acknowledge and accept that things have changed. In marriage things have shifted a great deal actually, one only has to look at outcomes for men in divorce to see it clearly. Not to mention the societal shift in valuation of men in comparison to women.
Shared values is paramount to long term happiness.
I’m not going to go in depth on those aspects of the narrative. I am going to speak about what you want and specifically how to obtain it. Passport wives has become a new phenomenon in the modern male movement as there is this belief that women in other cultures are more apt to accept a traditional female role in a relationship. That might be true, the evidence suggests it is but I can’t say that unequivocally myself.
What I can say is to the men directly – be clear on your expectations, be reasonable and do not settle. Now if you want a traditional relationship that’s fine. Who cares where the woman is from if you both share the same values and desired outcome? We are talking about a marriage, go look the word up it, it is a legally or morally formed union. You are uniting as one, so other than children this is the most significant relationship you will ever have in your life.
Marriage has an extreme effect on your personal wellbeing along with all of the legalities that form around shared property within the current legal system. So a “passport wife” is fine if that’s what you want, but don’t kid yourself that finding someone from say Albania is going to magically negate the realities and legalities of marriage. You have to find someone who you share the same values as, they can be anywhere.
The key for you is vetting this person. Live with them, experience them and really pay close attention to how they represent themselves (and you) to other people. In the end there is no full proof method to selecting a marriage partner. Cultural differences are a thing, I’m not denying that but you can go half way across the world and still find a bad person. Be careful about marriage, for a man it’s the biggest commitment you will ever make.
Western culture has changed; the social construct has built in many safeguards to protect women. Some might be over zealous, fine, others are spot on. Regardless of where your potential spouse was born, its where you chose to marry, and under those laws that is of the outmost importance. This assumes of course you did your diligence and you have shared values to begin with…
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There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.
taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.
You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.
Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?”
It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.
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So another post in my better man series, this one is for all the guys that are in a mid-term relationship (I say between 6 months to 2 years). You are committed to one another as exclusive (most likely) and are basically figuring out if this is going to be a long term play. Before I map out this test for you a quick disclaimer: My how to be a better man posts are meant for heterosexual men. This may or may not work for other sexualities, I don’t know. This isn’t meant to offend, it’s my opinion and hopefully it helps men navigate the trials of improving themselves.
So you have been together just over a year your GF is great you are in love and so is she. The “Test” is a rhetorical question but her actions after the question is posed is what is going to tip you off on where you really stand with this woman. At some point she is going to want to go out with her girlfriends, to a club, a show, some public place. No problem that’s fine you aren’t married but ask her this question.
“Would you be okay if your long term boyfriend went out with a group of friends, and that night women, some better looking than you bought him drinks, flirted with him and were ready to have sex with him even if he told them he was in a long term committed relationship?”
When she goes out with the girl’s how is does she look?
Now a smart woman is going to say no of course not. We know when groups of women go out, men flirt, buy them drinks etc. and we know why. Women like the attention, I get it and it doesn’t mean they are cheaters but do they ever imagine if the roles were reversed how they would feel?
Now the test: Did she go out with her friends anyway after you gave her that scenario? Did she invite you to go with them? If she went out anyway and didn’t invite you? That’s a red flag bud, the night she is out, ask yourself the test question and insert GF, instead of BF. How you feeling? If she went out anyway, I would encourage you to take a hard look at behaviors and decide very quickly if she is your long term play.
I’m not saying she is cheating, I’m not saying she is a bad person, I’m not saying you are a simp, but again, how you feeling?
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Hello readers! Once again we have another post in my “Better man” series. This series is targeted toward heterosexual men. This advice can be employed by anyone really but when I write in this vein I write about what I know. I can’t speak to the needs of other sexualities or identities because I don’t live that. So that disclaimer out of the way being a better man is subjective of course. The goal in with these posts is to give men perspective on things they could do to improve.
If you don’t feel you need to improve of course this isn’t applicable. So a new year, let’s get 3 things together that you can do now that are going to feed you positive outcomes through 2023
Relationship Clarity: It’s time to figure out who your ride or die people are. I’m not talking about immediate family like mom, dad, siblings, I’m talking about friends. I don’t care what gender they are, or if they are drinking pals, fuck buddies, work friends it doesn’t matter. You need to figure out who the main players are in your life outside of your immediate family and start investing the most precious commodity in the world into them, your time. Figure out the relationship, what do you want out of it? Is it healthy? Do they feel the same way about you?
Commit to Sleep: Now this could go off on a fitness tangent but I’m not going to do that. I think you should be working out of course but setting fitness goals at the beginning of the year is a trap. However, committing to sleep will enhance literally everything in your life. You have to get the right amount of sleep. You should be targeting 7 hours a night, if you can get more great but 7 hours should be your goal. You need to commit to this so if that means Sun-thurs, lights out at 11PM, do it. I can’t begin to tell you all the benefits of good sleep and the positive outcomes it will bring, but trust me on this one.
Plan and adventure: Yes, in 2023 you should go on an adventure. What I mean by this is, creating an outcome that makes you go to an unfamiliar situation but safe one. Maybe on July 4th you get on a plane and go to Idaho. Maybe you don’t like to swim? Plan a cruise. Do something to challenge yourself outside of your current comfort environment. Change the venue, do something odd. Maybe wear a suit to Mc Donald’s and eat a meal there? I don’t care what it is but do something out of the ordinary for you, it might open up a door for you that you never would have seen had you not done so.
There are tons more things you can do this year to work on self-improvement. I will bring more to you as the year progresses. Remember, as a heterosexual man you have to become self-sufficient and strong. There are very few resources for you, in the social order you are no longer top of the food chain. Work on yourself, and spend less time thinking about other people and worrying about their outcomes. A strong, healthy, vibrant you = the people around you flourish.
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So this is another post in my “better man series” these posts are meant for heterosexual men who are looking for wisdom. They may or may not be applicable to you, these are not meant to be offensive anyway. So that out of the way, behaviors are a window into the future. If you see someone who is chronically late, the chances are 3 years from now they will be chronically late… You get the point.
So for men this is paramount to your happiness if you chose to be in a committed relationship with a woman. This is true for females too, don’t get me wrong here it works both ways. I can’t speak to how females perceive this issue beyond my experience living with them. For men though, here is the point: If you commit to a woman, you commit to her as is. You see there is the old notion that women try to “change men” maybe it’s true maybe it isn’t.
The good news is its 2022 and the game has changed dramatically. Equality? You got it. Women pursue men, women propose, women pay, women do lots of things that were traditionally slotted in the “male role” so as things balance out, you shouldn’t adopt a “I can change this later” attitude. Now there may be habits your chosen one has that annoy you but you can live with. I will give you an example. I have been married for nearly 25 years, my wife sometimes talks to me as she is brushing her teeth. I hate that, but I put up with it because she has been doing it forever.
If you tell the truth, you don’t need to take a pill.
I chose her, and when I did I took all the good and the bad. So for you my young male friend you are now going to have to have a very serious internal discussion with yourself. If you chose to get serious with a woman and be in a committed relationship you have to be honest with yourself about her habits and if any of them bother you. This can be silly small things (like mine) or they can be serious issues (she talks over you sometimes).
Whatever it is YOU have to be clear about it in your own mind and be completely blunt with yourself. Can you live with this? Will it get better? Here is the thing, if you do provide yourself with this clarity and you still chose to go forward into a committed relationship you have placed her in a position where she can’t win. Even if you talk to her about “annoying habit A” you are still choosing her, and that tells her that it is safe for her to invest in you emotionally.
Don’t do it to her, and don’t do it to yourself unless you are 100% certain those habits are deal breakers. It’s one of the small things many men do when entering a committed relationship, they tell themselves “I will put up with this because this other thing is great”. 2 years later, you are full of resentment and she wants an engagement ring. You’ve now created a situation where you will be in misery if you go forward or you will have a huge blow out when you DON’T get her the ring.
All because you weren’t able to be honest with yourself, and clear with her about behaviors that bother you. Its 2022, women deserve the truth, they are not princesses anymore to be rescued and protected and you are no white knight. Want a long term successful relationship? Identify behaviors that bother you and either chose to own them, or chose someone else.
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This post is part of my better man series. In this series I give advice to heterosexual men on how to improve. I am no self-help guru, this blog isn’t a mgtow/men’s issues blog. It’s one of the many subjects I write on. I am 52, have a family lived a lot so from time to time I impart my wisdom to likeminded people. The advice given is not intended to offend anyone, if you are offended you are choosing to be so.
So being a better man is subjective. Meaning, who is to say you aren’t a good man now? I’m sure you are but there are always ways to improve. The improvements below are small things you can do now that will give you quick boosts of confidence. They will help you get that psychological rush of positivity that will likely transfer over into other aspects of your life and hopeful produce positive results.
Discipline, hard work and consistency = being a better man.
Your mouth: Make your mouth a priority. Regular cleanings at the dentist, whitening, fixing dental issues. Beard trimmed and kept clean using beard oils and a brush. Your mouth is a gateway, meaning people hear what you say but they watch your mouth as you say it. Having a clean, white smile and fantastic breath leads to extraordinary outcomes. You are more approachable, you are more appealing, people want to hear what you have to say when you mouth is spectacular.
Less clothes, better quality: Having a huge wardrobe is fine if you have the resources go for it. However higher quality items are always the way to go. As an example a high quality belt should last you years. Boots, dress shoes, sneakers you don’t need multiple pairs of these, you need good quality that are universal matches to the clothes you have. How old are some of your T shirts? It’s time to upgrade, spend a little more get something that fits better. 3 really high quality polo shirts are a great addition for summer wear. This doesn’t mean you trash the clothes you have, but the sweats and T’s you are lounging around the house in shouldn’t be your back up wardrobe for drinks this Saturday night.
Go to bed 1 hour earlier: More sleep is going to improve so many aspects of your life it’s hard to put them all down here in one paragraph. Sleep is the secret weapon of good health. The more sleep you can get the better outcomes you are going to have in all aspects of your life. You are going to have to trust me on this one, try it.
Less Masturbation: Here we go, finally something spicy. Nearly everyone does it, so get over it. Masturbate less, it’s going to change your attitude a lot. Can you go a whole month? Sex is different, I’m talking about those personal alone moments where you delve deep into the recesses of your imagination and come up with some fantasy to get off. It’s a fantasy, the less time you spend creating one in your head, the more time you have to devote to actually creating one IRL.
Special day notifications: You have a phone that has a calendar or notification feature you need to use it. Set up notifications for special days, your significant others birthday, anniversaries, Ex’s kids soccer game. Special days are unique to you obviously but you want to be prepared and aware one is on the horizon. The chance of you having a successful outcome is much higher if you use these notifications. Believe me you nail a special day for someone and they appreciate it. You screw it up and half ass it because you remembered the night before you might get by with it but you stagnate that way, you don’t improve.
Try some of these out and let me know how you do. Being a better man takes work, it’s a lifelong task. Remember working on yourself benefits everyone in your life. You aren’t selfish, you aren’t a bad guy you are just trying to do better and that starts with self-improvement.
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This is an expansion on a post I did prior on the master hormones for men and women. I do understand that the lines are blurred now, for some, regarding gender. This post is meant for heterosexual men. That’s what I am and that’s what I speak too. My intent is not to offend anyone, if you can relate to this topic great!
When I hit 40 I hit a wall. I know you’ve probably heard the story before right? Middle age everything goes downhill, but does it have to? I was an athlete in high school and continued through my adult life playing in a basketball league, golf, lifting, kayaking. I would classify myself as having a moderately active lifestyle. 5 out of 7 days of the week I was doing something that increased my heart rate and I was in great shape. 32 waist 200 pounds. I wasn’t cut but I was muscular and in good health.
At 42 ish I started to really get run down, depressed and
just sick of everything. My family has a history of depression so I perused
that vein first. All the boxes were checked, a decent career, good marriage,
kids were okay. I altered my diet a bit, didn’t help. I finally went to my Dr
and asked to have my testosterone panel done. I was at 234 the first test.
“In general, the normal range in males is about 270 to 1070 ng/dL with an average level of 679 ng/dL. A normal male testosterone level peaks at about age 20, and then it slowly declines. Testosterone levels above or below the normal range are considered by many to be out of balance.”
So I was under the low range, I quickly got on androgel and got my Test up to approx 525 (I think it was 527 at 45) which is still below the average. I was getting heavier, I was now in a 36-38 waist and running at 240. The gain was all fat and I was depressed as all hell at how I looked. I had a laser lipo treatment, they sucked out 7 pounds of fat, didn’t help I put it back on. At this point I started to realize that I needed to do more. So I adopted a pretty simple but effective approach, a 5X5 workout plan. (link is to the one I currently use)
“Be like water man”
A 5×5 workout plan is pretty straight forward. Compound exercises
every 48-72 hours 5 sets of 5 reps with as much weight as you can handle. I did
this for 6 months before my next test (this was last year, 2 years after the
527 measure) my panel came in at 701 so I was no above average. I was still
taking the androgel, I was down to 230 in weight by dropped from a 38 waist to
a 34.
I was jacked, then I got hurt LOL. Hurt my back couldn’t do anything. I’m now back up to 240 not as fat as when I first started on this journey but the 10 gain wasn’t muscle. I’m wearing 36 waist now. If you are a man and you feel depressed, low energy and just in general don’t have a great “feeling” about yourself and your life, you might be low in testosterone. Your first step is to get tested, ask your Dr, to have a panel done. You need a starting point, if you are below the 679 average you need to figure out how to increase your test. There are of course other factors that could be the culprit, recent deaths, issues at home, stress at work, but testosterone is something you can directly control through diet, exercise and if need be medication. Don’t ignore it !
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There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.
taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.
You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.
Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?”
It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.
Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.
So another post in my “better man” series. These posts are designed to help heterosexual men. They may or may not be applicable to all genders and all sexualities I simply don’t know as I am writing from my personal perspective. So there are lots of red flags in relationships and many of us miss them completely. Often for men it’s the chase and the conquest, warning signs be dammed. It’s one of the worse parts of being a heterosexual make, the lack of discipline can change your life.
So you started dating someone, you like her a lot, she likes you a lot. Many of the “boxes” are checked for you and you are considering a more meaningful commitment. You begin to discuss it and hint at it, or maybe she has then you hear something like this:
“I’ve had bad experiences with men in the past”
This is the red flag. Now this may not come out verbatim but something along the lines of “I was damaged or hurt in a prior relationship”. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Why? It’s a prelude to one of the biggest failings in early relationships. One (or both partners) are using their past relationship to gauge you. Of course we all do this to a degree but when someone actually verbalizes it, that means it is paramount for them.
Wisdom comes from experience
Maybe they made mistakes, maybe their prior partner made huge mistakes. None of that is your fault. It’s the other persons issue, and for you to be held accountable for it normally means you will be paying for the mistakes of her past. Thus your future is reliant on how you measure up against SOMEONE ELSES mistakes. Now men do this too, this isn’t strictly a female trait but I’m willing to bet you hear them verbalize more often.
This is a red flag and if you really like the woman you have to get ahead of this quickly by informing her that you are unwilling to be measured against someone else’s mistakes. Ask her to articulate SPECIFICALLY what those issues were and try and address it as best you can. Again this is if you are really hooked but 9 times out of 10 your best long term move is to end this relationship quickly for both of your sakes.
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