Tag: family

How to deal with the holidays and family

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Yes, its that time of year again. If you live in the west, you have thanksgiving in the states and you have Christmas. 2 major holidays within 30 days of one another. Now there are plenty of anxiety and stress traps around these holidays, we could do multiple blog posts on all of it but today let’s focus on family issues.

If you’re like millions of other people you’re “going home” for the holidays or hosting family. This is a perfect storm, because for many of us the genesis of our anxiety resides in family issues. When we get together for the holidays we have all sorts of avenues in which our minds can dwell to increase our anxiety. From unhappy memories, toxic family members, the same routines on and on.

On top of those triggers your defenses are already low as you’ve likely been engaging in the holiday malaise at work, on the radio (24-7 x mas songs, ugh) commercials, stores on and on. So how do we mitigate this so maybe this holiday season we don’t have a battle with our anxiety?

Below are 3 things that I have done in my life that have helped me:

  • I planned a vacation as a present to myself and my family. So, do you take a vacation every year? If so the holiday season might be a great opportunity for you to go somewhere else and relax. I like this because I get to stay at a nice hotel, don’t have to cook and don’t have to deal with extended family. It isn’t cheap though. Traveling during the holidays can be pricey.
  • I didn’t over do it. Spouses family, my family, kids’ friends, work party, spouses work party. This is the time of year where “people get together” and its likely that you will be invited to more events in this period then at any other time during the year. You must prune out the invitations. Family is important but work parties? I mean don’t you see them enough? Cut out 25% of the invitations or expectations to see people that you have.
  • I focus on the kids. I know it sounds simple doesn’t it? The thing is this is an opportunity to affect the kids positively. If you need to go to these gatherings remember the kids are watching and taking cues from the adults. Do your best, be your best and create positive experiences for them. Often when you focus on the kids, you can glean from them that bit of joy they still have for the holidays. Its not new to you, but to them it still is.

The holiday season is challenging for those of us with Anxiety. It’s at our door step, you can do it. Take it one day at a time, one event at a time and remember you will get through it.

India

Stress in India, Stress everywhere

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Once again we are going to lean on our friends from India for some wisdom. In the states we hear plenty about China, on and on sometimes. Right next store is one of the oldest countries in the world and one of our most important allies. It’s prudent to take the best practices you can from any source you have. India, while not perfect is working to address stress and anxiety in their society. We could learn a thing or two from them.

I found an interesting article here that talks about managing stress and the importance of parents in the mini cultures of each of our homes.

From the article: “It is essential that parents have a healthy mental life as they are a direct influence on their child. With everyone confined to their houses, it is essential to take the necessary steps to make sure that your mental health is in good shape. Parents usually tend to focus more on their child’s health than themselves, but sometimes, their state might have a drastic effect on the child. Keeping yourself healthy- physically and mentally, as a parent, is critical now more than ever.”

Laughter in all cultures nourishes the soul.

Great words of wisdom. Kids look to their parents or immediate relatives first for guidance on how to act. They emulate the adults close to them, they don’t know what else to do. They haven’t been alive long enough to develop their own unique coping mechanisms so they look to adults for guidance. The article is an excellent piece on the impact of family life and stress.

The emphasis in the article is on the importance of everyone accepting and recognizing the importance of mental health within the family unit. Its not imperative to be emotional outwardly, meaning we don’t need to have daily discussions on why someone feels bad. That said its important for the family leaders, normally the parents to be aware of how their mood affects everyone in the house. Mental health is a challenge for all of us, it doesn’t care where you live, what gods you worship etc.

We need to have honest discussions about mental health, that starts at home with the immediate family. Sterotypes often hinder this process. Men especially are prone to feeling shame over stress and anxiety due to social stigmas. This isn’t to say women don’t face this as well but in nearly every culture I have been exposed to in my travels women often are able to confide in one another with intimate details of their internal thoughts and feelings. Men simply don’t have this in most societies.

That said, this article does a good job of pulling the family unit together as the primary support system for all involved. Children look to adults to see how to act and how to cope with adversity. It’s important, regardless of your role in the home or gender that you work to understand your own anxiety so that you may be better equipped to help your children. It’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to not be perfect, it’s okay to struggle. You are doing great, one day at a time.

Interested in more posts like this? Check out my post here.

How to deal with the holidays and family

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Yes, its that time of year again. If you live in the west, you have thanksgiving in the states and you have Christmas. 2 major holidays within 30 days of one another. Now there are plenty of anxiety and stress traps around these holidays, we could do multiple blog posts on all of it but today let’s focus on family issues.

If you’re like millions of other people you’re “going home” for the holidays or hosting family. This is a perfect storm, because for many of us the genesis of our anxiety resides in family issues. When we get together for the holidays we have all sorts of avenues in which our minds can dwell to increase our anxiety. From unhappy memories, toxic family members, the same routines on and on.

On top of those triggers your defenses are already low as you’ve likely been engaging in the holiday malaise at work, on the radio (24-7 x mas songs, ugh) commercials, stores on and on. So how do we mitigate this so maybe this holiday season we don’t have a battle with our anxiety?

Below are 3 things that I have done in my life that have helped me:

  • I planned a vacation as a present to myself and my family. So, do you take a vacation every year? If so the holiday season might be a great opportunity for you to go somewhere else and relax. I like this because I get to stay at a nice hotel, don’t have to cook and don’t have to deal with extended family. It isn’t cheap though. Traveling during the holidays can be pricey.
  • I didn’t over do it. Spouses family, my family, kids’ friends, work party, spouses work party. This is the time of year where “people get together” and its likely that you will be invited to more events in this period then at any other time during the year. You must prune out the invitations. Family is important but work parties? I mean don’t you see them enough? Cut out 25% of the invitations or expectations to see people that you have.
  • I focus on the kids. I know it sounds simple doesn’t it? The thing is this is an opportunity to affect the kids positively. If you need to go to these gatherings remember the kids are watching and taking cues from the adults. Do your best, be your best and create positive experiences for them. Often when you focus on the kids, you can glean from them that bit of joy they still have for the holidays. Its not new to you, but to them it still is.

The holiday season is challenging for those of us with Anxiety. It’s at our door step, you can do it. Take it one day at a time, one event at a time and remember you will get through it.