Tag: feminism

How to be a better man: Dealing with women at “the wall”

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So quick disclaimer: This post is part of a series I do that give wisdom to heterosexual men. If you find this helpful great, if you are offended please be clear that is not the intent. I don’t know you, so I do not create blog posts to upset you.

So that out of the way what is the wall? In the world of relationships the term “The Wall” has become a meme that describes the point in which females begin to age and decline. This happens to men as well but it is most associated with females in the current discourse. This can loosely be tied to the decrease in hormones both sexes experience as they approach mid-life but the context of the meme has evolved beyond the biological application.

Simply put when someone his at the “wall” their appeal is declining. I have seen numerous blog posts and videos in the “manosphere” discussing when this actually happens to women. Some say it’s when their “clock” starts to tick. A nod to the past incarnation of the wall meme, essentially, when a woman feels the desire to settle down and have children. This isn’t all women of course but the general theme seems to be most women experience this.

I am not a female so I can’t speak to the biology directly but I do know ovulation happens once a month and is not infinite and over time, this biological process slows down. More over what has happened in the current social construct is women have been assigned categories based on their age by many in the “manosphere”. I think labels are problematic myself but I understand navigating the dating and relationship world in 2023 is a lot different than it was in 2003. Many men, rightly or wrongly believe women who are 35+ are fast approaching the wall and are potentially lower value mates.

This wall is not going to be torn down, it is undefeated.

Now I cannot speak to this directly. I personally have found plenty of older women attractive but a man peaking in his mid to late 30’s might not feel the same way. So how do you deal with women at “the wall”? First, you should not dismiss them outright due to their age and you should not capitalize on the current social narrative that essentially portrays these women as desperate for a man.

In all of your relationships with females, but specifically for romantic relationships with aging females you have to work on being as direct and honest as possible. Therefore, it may very well be that the meme is true, the older she gets the more desperate she becomes to settle down. What is wrong with that? I do not see the issue really, I understand the motivation clearly actually. What I don’t understand is the many men in the manosphere that seem to hold a grudge against these women who desire that.

Do not date them then. You see what happens when you are direct and honest is everyone is empowered. She is crystal clear what your expectations and wants are. It is up to her to communicate to you what she wants. You see one of the greatest triumphs of feminism is the fact that women now own their outcomes when it comes to relationships with men. If she isn’t clear, or expected something different then what you were willing to provide that is on her now. You do not have to spend hours trying to figure it out, you get to be honest with her and if she isn’t up for what you are, you swipe to the next one.

Women approaching the wall are not taboo, do not discard them. Women who are not honest and clear about their expectations for the relationship they want with you are taboo. Run from them as fast as you can. Remember hook up culture is okay if it’s consensual, anything goes IMHO. Just be clear though, as women age they often desire different outcomes. That doesn’t make them bad people or damaged, it makes them authentic. So give them the same authenticity in return, tell them what you are up for and what you aren’t. It might work out, might not but at least this way there is no B.S. everyone knows the deal.

“The Wall” comes for us all and it means different things to different people based on their life experience. Who knows, if you are lucky, you might find someone who is really cool and you share a lot of desired outcomes, you can hit the wall together.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: Respect is earned not just given.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Another post in my “better man” series. For those of you new to the blog I post articles from time to time to help heterosexual men. The advice of course can be used by anyone but I speak to what I know and I simply can’t speak in depth to the nuances of other sexualities/identities. So with that out of the way, what are we getting at with this post?

You see society has changed, men are no longer the pinnacle of the social hierarchy. Single, middle aged white male? In western culture you’re near the bottom now. As a man, for the most part you have very little social resources to pull from. 1-800 numbers? Go ahead name me 3 dedicated to men’s issues. Cops are called? They will assume you are the problem. Issue with your kids at school? They will ask if the husband is abusive. Never mind the court system and have you watched a commercial or TV show in the last 10 years? Men are portrayed as stupid, useless and buffoons.

So here we are in 2022, how then with that backdrop does a man treat a woman with respect? You don’t until she earns it. One of the beauties of the world I outlined above is, expectations on men are at an all-time low. It is now women who are held to a higher standard, well higher than before. You’ll find via observation that the most ardent and harsh critics of females are mostly other females but I digress.

So what do I mean “until she earns it”. Why should you adhere to antiquated social norms if your desired counterpart isn’t doing the same. Did she hold the door open for you? No? so why are you holding it for her? Are you being talked at or talked to (you know what I mean). Are you being emasculated? Is she “mansplaining” things to you? The point is you have to be very honest here about your relationships with females, and yes that includes sisters, mothers, and wives. 

Respect is earned.

Now to be clear, I’m not talking about normal everyday interactions. Being “polite” is different than giving respect. It’s always sage to be nice to people, there is no reason to be discourteous but respect is earned. When you respect someone it is far more reasonable to take their subtle bull shit (for lack of a better term). As an example you have a GF who is great, is respectful of you, your likes needs etc. and then one weekend she is unreasonable, hostile, demanding etc.

In this scenario you extend respect and monitor the situation. People have bad days and no one is perfect. Giving grace to others when they treat you wrong is the pinnacle of respect. When it becomes repeated behavior that’s a larger issue. Now imagine a woman you know talking down to you, embarrassing you in front of other people, emasculating you. Do you still treat them with respect because they are a woman? HELL NO.

Level the playing field here. Giving respect to women should no longer be your default setting. Be kind and polite to them but going out of your way to accommodate complete strangers is not the right play anymore. I’m going to leave you with an example that happened to me 2 months ago.

I am in line at the grocery store, the express check out. A woman is behind me, attractive and I can tell she is in a hurry. She asks if she can go ahead of me, I tell her no. She says “you’re not a gentleman are you?” Now before I get to my response let me clarify something. Years ago, I would have let her go because I was willing to extend respect to ALL females regardless. I was brought up that way, girls are made with “sugar and spice and everything nice” let me tell you something after 52 years on the planet, that’s not always true, lol.

My response to her was “Not anymore no, I’ve been exposed to many women like you”. She told me to “f off” and she went to another line. Honestly I didn’t have a good feeling I wasn’t proud of how I played that but when she asked there was no please, there was no smile there was no warmth it was just “my needs are paramount, get out of my way”.

No, respect is no longer just given, it is earned.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.  

How to be a better man: They know, do you know they know?

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So this is a cryptic blog title, but it’s important. Before we get going too far a quick reminder. My “How to be a better man series” is written for and by a heterosexual man. I can’t write for other sexualities as I don’t have those experiences myself, my opinion on those would be abstract. So that out of the way, Women know. They know what you want, generally, although this does evolve over time (what you want, and their ability to know it) but the initial phase of any heterosexual relationship (think the first 6 months) they know.

The question posed in the title is do you know they know? There really isn’t a mystery here, it’s been the driver of male pursuit of females for centuries. Men want sex. Again we are talking about heterosexual men. I am assuming other sexual proclivities want this as well but I am an expert on myself and I am a heterosexual male. Women know what you want. This is the dance. Now this dance has changed over time.

Its factual to say that it is easier now for men to get sex than ever before. We have the internet which has opened up many new avenues to obtain sexual gratification. It’s also factual to say that women are far more liberated sexually than ever before. The likelihood they that want to have sex is also higher. So this notion of they know, do you know they know might not be as potent in application as it was 50 years.

Talking about sex and attraction these days is like going out on a limb

It’s still very important. Females realize, and in many cultures are trained to understand that a man’s desire can be used to cultivate the type of relationship they want. Let me be clear here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. You use what you have to obtain what you want. I have no problem with females using their attraction to garner a relationship they desire, they should do that. Men need to be very clear here, regardless of how liberated society is this underlying dynamic between men and women still exists.

Let’s also be clear on something. For all my male readers, it’s okay to pursue and “court” females. When they make it clear to you they are uninterested you must stop. The days of yore where you could be zealous and really over pursue females (which in modern day IS harassment) is over. IF a woman is not interested in you, leave her alone. Again it’s okay to ask, but you HAVE to take no for an answer.

If, however you are in a relationship, regardless of the scope of the relationship remember they know. They know you want sex, and intelligent women use this knowledge to steer things the way they want it to go. Its manipulative yes but not all manipulation is bad, meaning if you have a good woman who has healthy intentions it’s safe to allow this to occur. Not all actions by females whom try and derive a benefit from their availability for sex is sinister. That said, you as the man have to be very clear on your sexual expectations. If they are reasonable they should be accommodated.

Your needs are not secondary; the difference here is most women know what your primary need is. You have to go in knowing they know, and now you do. Good luck.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man – Relationships and a harsh reality

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Another post in my better man series. These posts are meant to help heterosexual men of all ages and are not meant to offend to speak to other genders and sexual orientations. This is one older guy sharing his wisdom with men of a similar mind. I am not a MGTOW blog, I do not have a bias towards one group or another, I post what I know and what I have seen based on my experience.

Disclaimer out of the way, there are some harsh realities heterosexual men have to deal with. In the current social construct in the western world, we are near, if not at the bottom. Your place among the bottom varies depending on your racial composition but for the most part it seems society thinks the least of you, and expects the most from you. This wasn’t always the case mind you, go take a look at say 1950’s America you were the top of the food chain.

So with this comes certain realities and one thing stands out as having the potential to be catastrophic to your life and that is relationships. It’s not just romantic relationships with women, it’s ANY RELATIONSHIP. One word from anyone can result in horrible outcomes. From someone at work calling your toxic, a cousin saying your racist or a neighbor who doesn’t agree with how you raise a child. As a heterosexual male the outcomes usually lead to more negative results then other group.

Am I contagious?
The longer you deny social realities, the longer you will remain confused and isolated.

You’ve heard the saying before “you can’t trust anyone” well guess what? That’s never been more true than it is now. What’s harder to replace? A career you worked at for 10 years or a casual friend you joke around with once a week getting coffee in the café? One wrong comment to that person can result in careers being over. Think I am exaggerating? Google is your friend. That neighbor who waves every morning? Want to bet they have social media? (twitter, FB, Tick Tock). What if they say something about you letting your dog run lose? (even if you don’t).

The harsh reality is as a heterosexual man in 2022 every relationship you have has to be looked at critically. You’re an easy target, low hanging fruit. I will give you a personal example. My daughter has a large group of friends, we had a party a few months ago. Hamburgers, hot dogs all the normal “cook out” fare you would expect. One of her friends was unhappy with the protein we provided at the party. There were plenty of vegan and vegetarian dishes there but that wasn’t enough. To the point where this “friend” posted pics of this “disgusting American tradition” on her social media.

There was little to no impact to me or my family, this wasn’t a disaster. But it could have been. Now granted that had little to nothing to do with me being a white heterosexual male but the point is one small thing can lead to larger and larger outcomes. What if some nut on the internet saw this and decided to visit us to explain how horrible we were for cooking hamburgers at a cook out? Think that’s a stretch? It isn’t things like that happen often actually, its just different degrees. The point here is even your most harmless actions can be open season on you. Be very careful who is in your life, even on the periphery.

The more people in your life, the more exposure you have. I’m not saying shut down but just be more cautious. Relationships, even ones abstract through others in your life (your girlfriends, brother’s, wife as an example) can lead to issues. Really listen to people in your life, understand who they are as best you can and the minute something begins to go toxic, cut them out and move on. The risk is no longer worth the reward. Harsh? Yes, but if you aren’t looking out for your interests, who is?

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man – Be direct, not for her, for you

Posted on by Karac Avalron

This is going to be a very quick post but it might be the most important post in the “better man” series I am producing. Once again I need to be clear here, I am speaking to heterosexual men. This might be applicable to all sexualities I simply don’t know. For heterosexual men, let’s be very clear, it’s okay to flirt, it’s okay to ask women out, it’s okay to desire females. It is not okay to pursue a woman on any level after she has been clear she isn’t interested.

This isn’t a 1980’s ROMCOM, its 2022 and the world has changed for heterosexual men. No means no, not “I can try again later”. You also have to be astute about picking up uncomfort. You go to the woman’s desk at work and start talking to her about non work related things. She folds her arms and starts looking at the floor, why do you think she is trying to convey?

Be concise fella’s, you like a woman ask her out. Be direct, it’s the best way to know as quickly as possible if there is any hope. The games are over, the nuances of prior courting rituals are now blurred, you have to be very careful. One complaint from a female that you are harassing them and your world can change forever. Females don’t know what you are thinking, they don’t know your intent and now more than ever they are empowered to act in their self-interest regardless of how harmless you believe yourself to be.

Some females use this new social construct to harm men. They are out there, do not delude yourself. Be respectful, be kind, be direct. The clearer you are; the more clarity you will obtain.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.