Tag: Hard Conversations

5 things you can do to handle hard conversations.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So here we are again dear readers, another blog post. This one was not simple to compose because I had to consider so many factors. In the end, after I spent a long time thinking about what to write I said “F*#k it” and I realized I was over thinking the subject. Hard conversations are not the norm. Of course, “hard” is subjective but I am talking about the conversations that lead to conflict or change relationships.

Divorce, coming out to loved ones, political debates, anger…. You get the picture here. All of us are going to have to have hard conversations in our life. I am closing in on 54 and I really thought about how many hard conversations I have really had. I am around a dozen myself. I’ve had conversations with siblings about getting them out of my life, to a serious girlfriend years ago cheating to a brother-in-law’s suicide to subduing a drunkard physically. The ones I have had with my children were hard but straight forward, being a parent has its advantages.

So, reflecting on all of that I came up with 5 things you can do to help you handle hard conversations:

  1. Say as little as possible: Listen and hold your tongue. Let the other person get emotional, overcome, and vocal.
  2. Mean it: When you do speak, you better mean what you say. No B.S. no vacillation. This is a hard conversation you can’t flip flop here. It’s likely there will be yelling, ultimatums, hurt feelings. If you are going down this rabbit hole mean what you say.
  3. Stand up and create space: Hard conversations can become physical. Be aware of what’s around you. Be aware of where you are, where the door is and most importantly awareness of the other person’s ability and propensity to become physical.
  4. Follow the eyes: This works both ways. Eye contact is important but can lead to hostile outcomes. If you are firm, and prepared, you look the person in the eye. This lets them know you are prepared to “have it out.” Looking at the ground and looking away creates the demeanor that you are aloof and or want to get away.
  5. Don’t engage: There are times when the best course of action is to say “No” firmly and exit the situation. It’s essentially picking your moment. You might not be ready for this. Have the conversation on your terms if you can.
If every conversation becomes a war, it’s likely you have the wrong people in your life.

Now none of this is an exact science. Things happen and hard conversations can pop up at any time. Chances are in your life you are going to have a dozen to twenty. If you have more it’s likely that you are around the wrong kind of people. You have hard conversations, generally, with people you care about or love. Something has happened and someone has been harmed emotionally, this is when hard conversations happen.

The random person on the street starting shit? That’s random. Your spouse yelling about the house not being clean? That’s a festering long standing issue that has now presented itself into a hard conversation. These things are going to happen and how you handle them could make or break some of your most important relationships.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Please remember to like the post, subscribe if you are not and leave a comment so I know you were here.

Karac  

Anxiety: One of the hardest things to deal with

Posted on by Karac Avalron

For those of us with anxiety we have good days and bad days. There are of course degrees of anxiety, some of us are in better places then others and that’s why every day is a crap shoot. Like anything in life the more you experience something the more adept you become at navigating its nuances. Anxiety is no different and for me I have had a few very hard lessons in my travels.

One of the hardest for me? The conversation you have been avoiding is probably the one you most need to have. If you are dreading it, chances are if it’s not already a trigger it’s going to be soon. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, the neighbor’s dog barking? The Amazon delivery person’s insistence in putting your packages on the side step instead of the front? This can be a wide range of subjects; we all have different triggers.

The worst part is not knowing, not knowing if having the conversation is the person going to think you are nuts? Will they reactive negatively? Violently? These emotions are real, and don’t let anyone minimize them. If you are talking to your roommate about the guy upstairs playing music to loud, don’t let their rational (or agreement) sway you from how you feel. The hardest part is making the decision to confront and “have the conversation”

Some conversations you know going in, its going to be a horror show.

This is one of the worst parts of anxiety. Wouldn’t it be great for just a day to not care what other people think? Many of us find that relief through self-medication and I am not advocating that here. What I am saying is, there are options. Continue on and allow this to eat away at you and become another trigger. I’ve done it, you wouldn’t be the first to live with other people’s crap. Or have the talk and confront.

The downside is it can be a disaster, creating more conflict then you ever wanted. The upside is the person may provide relief, gain a measure of respect for you and in the future may be more aware of how their actions affect you. I advocate to have the conversation, with a HUGE caveat. That being you have to assess the risk posed by the other person. Example, a conversation about putting the cap on the toothpaste is likely to have less of an impact then asking a parent to have their child stop leaving their toys around.

Both may be triggers but the likelihood of one garnering a negative response is higher. Use your instinct and your experience as an individual with anxiety. Some battles (and for us, internally, that’s what these conversations are) are less risky than others. have those first, build a mental reserve of successful (or failures) outcomes to draw on as you consider attempting the harder and harder conversations as your life progressives.

If you are thinking about it constantly, its eating at you and emboldening your anxiety. It’s likely a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog! Please remember to like, subscribe and share I truly appreciate the support. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Anxiety: One of the hardest things to deal with

Posted on by Karac Avalron

For those of us with anxiety we have good days and bad days. There are of course degrees of anxiety, some of us are in better places then others and that’s why every day is a crap shoot. Like anything in life the more you experience something the more adept you become at navigating its nuances. Anxiety is no different and for me I have had a few very hard lessons in my travels.

One of the hardest for me? The conversation you have been avoiding is probably the one you most need to have. If you are dreading it, chances are if it’s not already a trigger it’s going to be soon. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, the neighbor’s dog barking? The Amazon delivery person’s insistence in putting your packages on the side step instead of the front? This can be a wide range of subjects; we all have different triggers.

The worst part is not knowing, not knowing if having the conversation is the person going to think you are nuts? Will they reactive negatively? Violently? These emotions are real, and don’t let anyone minimize them. If you are talking to your roommate about the guy upstairs playing music to loud, don’t let their rational (or agreement) sway you from how you feel. The hardest part is making the decision to confront and “have the conversation”

Some conversations you know going in, its going to be a horror show.

This is one of the worst parts of anxiety. Wouldn’t it be great for just a day to not care what other people think? Many of us find that relief through self-medication and I am not advocating that here. What I am saying is, there are options. Continue on and allow this to eat away at you and become another trigger. I’ve done it, you wouldn’t be the first to live with other people’s crap. Or have the talk and confront.

The downside is it can be a disaster, creating more conflict then you ever wanted. The upside is the person may provide relief, gain a measure of respect for you and in the future may be more aware of how their actions affect you. I advocate to have the conversation, with a HUGE caveat. That being you have to assess the risk posed by the other person. Example, a conversation about putting the cap on the toothpaste is likely to have less of an impact then asking a parent to have their child stop leaving their toys around.

Both may be triggers but the likelihood of one garnering a negative response is higher. Use your instinct and your experience as an individual with anxiety. Some battles (and for us, internally, that’s what these conversations are) are less risky than others. have those first, build a mental reserve of successful (or failures) outcomes to draw on as you consider attempting the harder and harder conversations as your life progressives.

If you are thinking about it constantly, its eating at you and emboldening your anxiety. It’s likely a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog! Please remember to like, subscribe and share I truly appreciate the support. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Anxiety Lessons: One of the hardest things to deal with.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

For those of us with anxiety we have good days and bad days. There are of course degrees of anxiety, some of us are in better places then others and that’s why every day is a crap shoot. Like anything in life the more you experience something the more adept you become at navigating its nuances. Anxiety is no different and for me I have had a few very hard lessons in my travels.

One of the hardest for me? The conversation you have been avoiding is probably the one you most need to have. If you are dreading it, chances are if it’s not already a trigger it’s going to be soon. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, the neighbor’s dog barking? The Amazon delivery person’s insistence in putting your packages on the side step instead of the front? This can be a wide range of subjects; we all have different triggers.

The worst part is not knowing, not knowing if having the conversation is the person going to think you are nuts? Will they reactive negatively? Violently? These emotions are real, and don’t let anyone minimize them. If you are talking to your roommate about the guy upstairs playing music to loud, don’t let their rational (or agreement) sway you from how you feel. The hardest part is making the decision to confront and “have the conversation”

For those of us with Anxiety, sometimes the simplest conversation can be nuclear

This is one of the worst parts of anxiety. Wouldn’t it be great for just a day to not care what other people think? Many of us find that relief through self-medication and I am not advocating that here. What I am saying is, there are options. Continue on and allow this to eat away at you and become another trigger. I’ve done it, you wouldn’t be the first to live with other people’s crap. Or have the talk and confront.

The downside is it can be a disaster, creating more conflict then you ever wanted. The upside is the person may provide relief, gain a measure of respect for you and in the future may be more aware of how their actions affect you. I advocate to have the conversation, with a HUGE caveat. That being you have to assess the risk posed by the other person. Example, a conversation about putting the cap on the toothpaste is likely to have less of an impact then asking a parent to have their child stop leaving their toys around.

Both may be triggers but the likelihood of one garnering a negative response is higher. Use your instinct and your experience as an individual with anxiety. Some battles (and for us, internally, that’s what these conversations are) are less risky than others. have those first, build a mental reserve of successful (or failures) outcomes to draw on as you consider attempting the harder and harder conversations as your life progressives.

If you are thinking about it constantly, its eating at you and emboldening your anxiety. It’s likely a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog! Please remember to like, subscribe and share I truly appreciate the support. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Anxiety Lessons: One of the hardest things to deal with.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

For those of us with anxiety we have good days and bad days. There are of course degrees of anxiety, some of us are in better places then others and that’s why every day is a crap shoot. Like anything in life the more you experience something the more adept you become at navigating its nuances. Anxiety is no different and for me I have had a few very hard lessons in my travels.

One of the hardest for me? The conversation you have been avoiding is probably the one you most need to have. If you are dreading it, chances are if it’s not already a trigger it’s going to be soon. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, the neighbor’s dog barking? The Amazon delivery person’s insistence in putting your packages on the side step instead of the front? This can be a wide range of subjects; we all have different triggers.

The worst part is not knowing, not knowing if having the conversation is the person going to think you are nuts? Will they reactive negatively? Violently? These emotions are real, and don’t let anyone minimize them. If you are talking to your roommate about the guy upstairs playing music to loud, don’t let their rational (or agreement) sway you from how you feel. The hardest part is making the decision to confront and “have the conversation”

For those of us with Anxiety, sometimes the simplest conversation can be nuclear

This is one of the worst parts of anxiety. Wouldn’t it be great for just a day to not care what other people think? Many of us find that relief through self-medication and I am not advocating that here. What I am saying is, there are options. Continue on and allow this to eat away at you and become another trigger. I’ve done it, you wouldn’t be the first to live with other people’s crap. Or have the talk and confront.

The downside is it can be a disaster, creating more conflict then you ever wanted. The upside is the person may provide relief, gain a measure of respect for you and in the future may be more aware of how their actions affect you. I advocate to have the conversation, with a HUGE caveat. That being you have to assess the risk posed by the other person. Example, a conversation about putting the cap on the toothpaste is likely to have less of an impact then asking a parent to have their child stop leaving their toys around.

Both may be triggers but the likelihood of one garnering a negative response is higher. Use your instinct and your experience as an individual with anxiety. Some battles (and for us, internally, that’s what these conversations are) are less risky than others. have those first, build a mental reserve of successful (or failures) outcomes to draw on as you consider attempting the harder and harder conversations as your life progressives.

If you are thinking about it constantly, its eating at you and emboldening your anxiety. It’s likely a conversation you should have sooner rather than later.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog! Please remember to like, subscribe and share I truly appreciate the support. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.