Tag: Mean People

The concept of Hanlons razor

Posted on by Karac Avalron

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”  

hanlon’s razor is an aphorism that is very hard to remember but its so true. You could replace “stupidity” with “ignorance” but the net bottom line here is you can’t always assume the intentions of others are a result of I’ll intent.

Simply put, some people say things and do things that impact you negatively and they don’t understand they are doing it. As people with Anxiety this situation probably happens to us more so then others. I know I have had people say things to me that have really bothered me . I internalized it like so many of us do and it flavored how I interacted with those people and what I thought of them going forward.

Now there are cases, actually many, in which people do say things and do things from a place of malice. These are disturbed and or just extremely toxic people. I work tirelessly (as tirelessly as I can) to rid myself of such people. Sometimes though you can’t escape them. A toxic family member, a horrible boss they are everywhere.

However, most people are not tuned into mental health issues. Moreover, they are not in tune to the nuances, depths that vary person to person, and the current scope of the issue. This is where hanlon’s razor theory is very important. If we assume that people are coming from a place of malice, we eliminate opportunities to educate first, and perhaps gain allies.

Let me be clear, as many of us who suffer with mental health issues (regardless of scale) it is not our job to educate people. That said it should be our endeavor to not assume those who impact us negatively are doing so with malice. Remember halon’s razor, it may very well be that the person is unaware or suffering themselves. I don’t encourage anyone to go beyond their comfort levels but at the end of the day we all have to find away to exist and hopefully thrive in the world.

Sometimes extending the benefit of the doubt can net you positive outcomes. Hang in there, one day at a time, you are doing awesome.  

1 Easy Trick to help you develop a “Thick Skin”

Posted on by Karac Avalron

What is a “Thick Skin”? We have all heard the term or something like it, it’s basically the ability to take shit from people and not react. That’s the simplest example, but what is lost in that simplicity is the nuances to a thick skin. There are levels of course, if I say something to you and your mother says something to you your reaction is going to be different. Being able to brush aside what people say is a fantastic skill and If you can garner any measure of it you will be better for it.

How do you develop it though? How do you obtain a thick skin, or thicker skin? This won’t be a long post because I only have one really good trick for you to work on. There may be more out there but this is the one I use and its worked out very well.

Make a list of the people in your life outside of work. Friends, Family, Children, Spouse. I don’t mean distant cousins you have talked to in 10 years I’m talking about the people who you interact with or talk to regularly. You have the list? What is it 20 people? Maybe 30 (don’t stretch here). Now look at that list and put an X in front of people you don’t talk to at least once a month.

It’s okay to be sensitive about what people say.

Few names? Okay, now put an X in front of the people who you really don’t like. Remember this list isn’t meant to be just people you like it’s a list of people outside of work you deal with in your personal life. Few more names with an X? Now put a check mark next to the people who are the following:

  • Spouse
  • Children
  • Parents
  • Grand Parents
  • Siblings

How many people are left that don’t have an X or a check mark? These should be your “friends and acquaintances” For those pick your 2 best friends and put a check mark next to their names everyone else put an X.

I know this is dragging on, we’re almost done. Re-write the list with only the people who have a check mark next to their name and keep that list near where you sleep. The exercise of creating the list only has to be done once. The easy trick – Before you go to bed every night, ideally right before sleep read the list and repeat this as many times as you can as you read each name “These are the people I love the most in the world, they are the ones that matter the most”.

Over time you will care less about what people not on the list think and say, and your skin will be thicker.

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The concept of Hanlons razor

Posted on by Karac Avalron

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”  

hanlon’s razor is an aphorism that is very hard to remember but its so true. You could replace “stupidity” with “ignorance” but the net bottom line here is you can’t always assume the intentions of others are a result of I’ll intent.

Simply put, some people say things and do things that impact you negatively and they don’t understand they are doing it. As people with Anxiety this situation probably happens to us more so then others. I know I have had people say things to me that have really bothered me . I internalized it like so many of us do and it flavored how I interacted with those people and what I thought of them going forward.

Now there are cases, actually many, in which people do say things and do things from a place of malice. These are disturbed and or just extremely toxic people. I work tirelessly (as tirelessly as I can) to rid myself of such people. Sometimes though you can’t escape them. A toxic family member, a horrible boss they are everywhere.

However, most people are not tuned into mental health issues. Moreover, they are not in tune to the nuances, depths that vary person to person, and the current scope of the issue. This is where hanlon’s razor theory is very important. If we assume that people are coming from a place of malice, we eliminate opportunities to educate first, and perhaps gain allies.

Let me be clear, as many of us who suffer with mental health issues (regardless of scale) it is not our job to educate people. That said it should be our endeavor to not assume those who impact us negatively are doing so with malice. Remember halon’s razor, it may very well be that the person is unaware or suffering themselves. I don’t encourage anyone to go beyond their comfort levels but at the end of the day we all have to find away to exist and hopefully thrive in the world.

Sometimes extending the benefit of the doubt can net you positive outcomes. Hang in there, one day at a time, you are doing awesome.