How to improve as a man – Consider the source

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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How to be a better man: They know, do you know they know?

So this is a cryptic blog title, but it’s important. Before we get going too far a quick reminder. My “How to be a better man series” is written for and by a heterosexual man. I can’t write for other sexualities as I don’t have those experiences myself, my opinion on those would be abstract. So that out of the way, Women know. They know what you want, generally, although this does evolve over time (what you want, and their ability to know it) but the initial phase of any heterosexual relationship (think the first 6 months) they know.

The question posed in the title is do you know they know? There really isn’t a mystery here, it’s been the driver of male pursuit of females for centuries. Men want sex. Again we are talking about heterosexual men. I am assuming other sexual proclivities want this as well but I am an expert on myself and I am a heterosexual male. Women know what you want. This is the dance. Now this dance has changed over time.

Its factual to say that it is easier now for men to get sex than ever before. We have the internet which has opened up many new avenues to obtain sexual gratification. It’s also factual to say that women are far more liberated sexually than ever before. The likelihood they that want to have sex is also higher. So this notion of they know, do you know they know might not be as potent in application as it was 50 years.

Talking about sex and attraction these days is like going out on a limb

It’s still very important. Females realize, and in many cultures are trained to understand that a man’s desire can be used to cultivate the type of relationship they want. Let me be clear here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. You use what you have to obtain what you want. I have no problem with females using their attraction to garner a relationship they desire, they should do that. Men need to be very clear here, regardless of how liberated society is this underlying dynamic between men and women still exists.

Let’s also be clear on something. For all my male readers, it’s okay to pursue and “court” females. When they make it clear to you they are uninterested you must stop. The days of yore where you could be zealous and really over pursue females (which in modern day IS harassment) is over. IF a woman is not interested in you, leave her alone. Again it’s okay to ask, but you HAVE to take no for an answer.

If, however you are in a relationship, regardless of the scope of the relationship remember they know. They know you want sex, and intelligent women use this knowledge to steer things the way they want it to go. Its manipulative yes but not all manipulation is bad, meaning if you have a good woman who has healthy intentions it’s safe to allow this to occur. Not all actions by females whom try and derive a benefit from their availability for sex is sinister. That said, you as the man have to be very clear on your sexual expectations. If they are reasonable they should be accommodated.

Your needs are not secondary; the difference here is most women know what your primary need is. You have to go in knowing they know, and now you do. Good luck.

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How to be a better man – Relationships and a harsh reality

Another post in my better man series. These posts are meant to help heterosexual men of all ages and are not meant to offend to speak to other genders and sexual orientations. This is one older guy sharing his wisdom with men of a similar mind. I am not a MGTOW blog, I do not have a bias towards one group or another, I post what I know and what I have seen based on my experience.

Disclaimer out of the way, there are some harsh realities heterosexual men have to deal with. In the current social construct in the western world, we are near, if not at the bottom. Your place among the bottom varies depending on your racial composition but for the most part it seems society thinks the least of you, and expects the most from you. This wasn’t always the case mind you, go take a look at say 1950’s America you were the top of the food chain.

So with this comes certain realities and one thing stands out as having the potential to be catastrophic to your life and that is relationships. It’s not just romantic relationships with women, it’s ANY RELATIONSHIP. One word from anyone can result in horrible outcomes. From someone at work calling your toxic, a cousin saying your racist or a neighbor who doesn’t agree with how you raise a child. As a heterosexual male the outcomes usually lead to more negative results then other group.

Am I contagious?
The longer you deny social realities, the longer you will remain confused and isolated.

You’ve heard the saying before “you can’t trust anyone” well guess what? That’s never been more true than it is now. What’s harder to replace? A career you worked at for 10 years or a casual friend you joke around with once a week getting coffee in the café? One wrong comment to that person can result in careers being over. Think I am exaggerating? Google is your friend. That neighbor who waves every morning? Want to bet they have social media? (twitter, FB, Tick Tock). What if they say something about you letting your dog run lose? (even if you don’t).

The harsh reality is as a heterosexual man in 2022 every relationship you have has to be looked at critically. You’re an easy target, low hanging fruit. I will give you a personal example. My daughter has a large group of friends, we had a party a few months ago. Hamburgers, hot dogs all the normal “cook out” fare you would expect. One of her friends was unhappy with the protein we provided at the party. There were plenty of vegan and vegetarian dishes there but that wasn’t enough. To the point where this “friend” posted pics of this “disgusting American tradition” on her social media.

There was little to no impact to me or my family, this wasn’t a disaster. But it could have been. Now granted that had little to nothing to do with me being a white heterosexual male but the point is one small thing can lead to larger and larger outcomes. What if some nut on the internet saw this and decided to visit us to explain how horrible we were for cooking hamburgers at a cook out? Think that’s a stretch? It isn’t things like that happen often actually, its just different degrees. The point here is even your most harmless actions can be open season on you. Be very careful who is in your life, even on the periphery.

The more people in your life, the more exposure you have. I’m not saying shut down but just be more cautious. Relationships, even ones abstract through others in your life (your girlfriends, brother’s, wife as an example) can lead to issues. Really listen to people in your life, understand who they are as best you can and the minute something begins to go toxic, cut them out and move on. The risk is no longer worth the reward. Harsh? Yes, but if you aren’t looking out for your interests, who is?

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How to be a better man – 5 things you don’t do on the cheap

Today we have another post in my how to be a better man series. As a quick reminder this post and the series is from a heterosexual males’ point of view. These tips may or may not be applicable to other orientations. I don’t know, and I don’t assume. The best resource for men to survive, improve and flourish is other men. I hope this post helps.

So there are things men should never do on the cheap. Meaning you spend a little extra to get the best result possible. The areas below are things you should be going the extra mile for. These help with style, attraction, self-confidence and perception. A man who pays attention to detail conveys to the world they have their shit together, you want to be one of those men.

  1. Face & Hair care – I haven’t mentioned this before but you need a skin routine. This should start in your 20’s but a few times a week you should be using a scrub on your face to cleanse dead skin. You should be moisturizing your skin as well at least before bed time but ideally twice a day. Do your research get good organic products, your 40-year-old self will thank you. For your hair you should be conditioning your hair not shampooing it. Shampoo is a soap that strips your hair, you want to clean your hair and make it healthy. Invest in a good conditioner and work your scalp and your hair with it and leave it on for the duration of the shower. We want healthy hair and that partially comes from conditioner.
  2. Shoes & Belts – Unless you are a collector you don’t need a lot of shoes or belts. Both are great items that help outfits. You always go quality of quantity here. Always have a pair of black dress shoes and a black belt with simple buckle. These can be universally worn anywhere really. Take care of these items with shoe polish and don’t roll up your belts, when you take them off hang them up on a hook so you don’t get a crease.
  3. Gifts – Always buy 1 great gift instead of many little/cheap gifts. Here is the thing, when you give someone a gift it should be meaningful. Getting something they want is ideal but never skimp or do it on the cheap. If someone wants a really nice water bottle for their yoga class? You buy the high end bottle. Gifts are more than an acknowledgement of an achievement it’s a way to show someone you care by being thoughtful and giving them quality over quantity.
  4. Teeth – The eyes may be the window into the soul but teeth are the gateway to authenticity. You speak, people listen. What you say and how you say it is important. People watch you when you are talking, when you smile. Great teeth are disarming, engaging and in some cases a means to generate attraction. Get your teeth cleaned at least twice a year.
  5. Watches, Rings, Necklaces & Bracelets – These are jewelry pieces and not all men wear them. Some wear them all, to each their own. Quantity sometimes enhances a look but now a days less men wear watches and even few bracelets. Make sure your jewelry pieces have meaning that you can articulate. Maybe you bought it abroad, maybe it belonged to a deceased family member. Otherwise they are decorations to enhance your presentation. Make sure these are quality pieces and use them sparingly.

The basic message here is spend a little extra and get the upgrade in these items. These shouldn’t bust your budget but quality is always the way to go if you can swing it. In doing so you help your self-esteem, raise your confidence, generally feel better about yourself resulting in you being a better man.

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How to be a better man – Advice for females

I am going to go out on a limb here, or more accurately stick my neck out and offer advice to females who want to keep a man. I know, this will all sound very crude, welcome to the male mind. In the context of relationships simple is better for us but it’s never simple is it? So what is this advice that will make everything simple and easy for our female friends? It covers two areas’ that if conquered serve the basic male want from a female.

Now in today’s culture this might be taboo. It’s not just feminists who are uninterested and in some cases hostile toward men’s wants but it is also a growing and vocal men’s movement, MGTOW that is no longer interested in the subject all together. You see we have come to this odd place of having equity promoted so much, no one knows what to do when they desire an unequitable situation. I know *GASP* someone actually said it.

In fact, there are times in relationships where men and women do not want things to be equitable. They do in fact want their partner to do something regularly so they don’t have too. Keep in mind this is mainly for heterosexual couples. I can’t speak to homosexuality, BI, LGBTQ I don’t have a good point of reference and intimate knowledge. For heterosexual males that WANT to be in a relationship the wisdom I am going to give you below is for the most part true. It’s a secret weapon for any female IF they want to be in a long term relationship with said man. 

“A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. A way to a man’s mind is through his penis”

Happy wife happy life? It works both ways.

I know its crude but it’s true. Remember the first part “stomach” means more than just cooking for him it means caring for him and giving him food is part of that. Its very primal but every male uses their first female relationship as a gauge to the rest of their relationships with women (to a degree) all of their lives. That first relationship is with their mother, there is no use in quibbling about it you aren’t going to change it.

The later “a man’s mind” is more nuanced. Men are bombarded with all sorts of expectations and new signaling that they have no historical reference for. Simply put, men today cannot operate as they have for thousands of years. This is new territory for all of us and if you want to KEEP a man you have to help him navigate this. Part of that is through understanding his sexual motivations. Most men view sex as a power exchange, that is the intimacy for them. You can rail against this notion as long as you want, you may suppress it in your man for a while but he won’t happy and will stray.

Penis, in the quote is also representative of how you want him to treat you. Men will treat you the way you want, IF you reciprocate. Men are fairly compliant, if you ask them to do something and it is reasonable they will do it. Not because they want too, but because they know you will fulfill for them their needs. The availability of sex has never been higher than it is now. This is a problem for men and women.

Mostly women, as nearly anyone can get on an app and find a hook up. Its low hanging fruit for a man to do this, but it’s simple, easy. Most men would rather be with a woman where this is never necessary. Why go to the well if you aren’t thirsty? Many men are pigs, you will never help them and you know who they are. Most men are not though, most men are normal. They have wants and needs like you do, theirs aren’t as nuanced. They want to be respected and looked at as powerful, they want sex and they want you to desire to give them both. That’s the trick, if you can do that you’ll hold that man.

Remember this is my opinion, this isn’t a universal truth you might have zero success with this approach but winning “hearts and minds” is how you win relationships. You want men to give a shit about you, to care what you think how you feel. No man is going to if you don’t do the same for him….

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How to improve as a man – Accepting an unpleasant reality

Society has come a long way in terms of equality. It is true that at many points in the past there was gross inequality in nearly all aspects of life. Are things perfect? No, are they better? Yes. As a man you have a very unpleasant reality staring you in the face. At one time men enjoyed the fruits if in-equality. Maybe you were alive for that, so you think it doesn’t apply and that’s largely true but society has evolved to the point where it is now common place to shame/cancel people for things that happened decades prior.

That’s an unpleasant reality for everyone. What is the unpleasant reality for men that we have to accept? That Women, Pets, and Kids are loved unconditionally, and a man is loved only when he provides something. Of course this isn’t an absolute, it’s not 100% of the time but you look at the current cultural and social norms and this is a truism. Is it right, wrong? I’m not here to debate that or get into an argument over men’s rights or feminism. I am here to help men improve and for today’s lesson on improvement, men have to accept this reality.

There are organizations all over the world that help women, children, pets. When was the last time you saw an organization that was dedicated to helping men exclusively? I’m betting it’s not often at all, and are you a white heterosexual male? LOL good luck…

Don’t fight battles you know going in you can’t win.

How we improve here is by accepting this social dynamic reality. Fighting against it is wasted energy at this point you will be overcome by wave after wave of individuals whom want you silenced. I’m not here to discuss their motivations or why we are where we are but to offer you a way to excel in this reality. Embrace the notion that your value will be based on what you can provide to others. It is not and never will be unconditional like women, pets and children. As a man you will be measured by what you offer, for now anyway.

If you can accept that, then you can begin the process of building the basis by which what you are offering is in demand. That is the secret here, understanding the social dynamic and creating the conditions by which you “fill the bill”. Maybe you want to fight against this and find it hypocritical and detrimental? I would recommend you research MGTOW if that is the case. If you want to prosper as a man in the 2020’s what you offer to others will dramatically increase your value.

Examples of “offerings”

  1. Financial stability
  2. Good moral compass
  3. Physically fit
  4. Great hygiene
  5. Leadership
  6. Willingness to do the work others wont
  7. Honesty

I am not suggesting this is a great situation at all, its problematic for everyone because in the end what happens is resentment. Resentment is the poison that kills relationships. You’re going to resent people because you have to deal with this reality. Meantime something happens to a female and there are 800 different resources for them to draw from to recover. You? You’re on your own. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will become stronger and have more to offer.

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How to be a better man: If you entertain clowns, you join the circus

One of the key aspects of being a better man is really being honest about who you invest your time into in your life. Let’s be blunt here we all have toxic people in our lives, it’s really a matter of degree’s. When you entertain/invest time into them you become part of their circus act. This isn’t gender specific either. I’m not talking exclusively about your buddy from high school who still pounds a 6 pack before going out on Friday night.

I’m also talking about GF’s who are drama queens, exes who float in and out of your life to keep you on the line. Crazy uncles who always seem to need help with something, or siblings/parents who constantly fight and or cause issues. I’m not saying you have to cut people like this out of your life completely but you have to be honest about who these people are. If you are at family functions and Uncle Ted continues to bring up the incident at thanksgiving from 2001 it’s because he has either not gotten over it, or he wants to create drama for the people associated because he thinks THEY aren’t over it.

This is an example of how a clown works. They fixate on something that was painful, embarrassing or a highly emotional episode of the past and just keep hammering on it. Sometimes years later. Now there are degrees of this of course. If your current partner is reminding you of something you said 2 years ago you have to think about that and the current context. If you are hearing about this event regularly it means they aren’t over it and or are not happy about how you handled it.

Unclutter your life

People like this can sap your emotional energy. The circus ensues when you engage in this banter and it is used to bludgeon you over and over. The same theory applies to people in your life who have episode behavior. As an example, you go out for drinks, there is a designated driver or uber. There is always one person who says they can drive (when you know they can’t) even WHEN you have done the right thing and set up an alternative means of getting home they continue on. Another example, you are out to eat with your partner and no matter where you go, no matter what you order there is a problem.

If you continue to indulge these behaviors you are sending a signal that it is acceptable, ergo you are accepting a role in the circus. Maybe the example is mild and you are okay with it/tolerate it. Fine but what you normally find is the circus grows over time and more and more “situations” occur in new settings. You have to identify who these people are in your life and really think about your time investment into them.

It’s okay to have a circus once in a while, life should be spicy. That said, to be a better man you have to have balance and be very careful how much the circus consumes your time.

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How to improve as a man – 4 points of clarity you must have in your 40’s

Ah, the 4th decade. It was a good one for me I hope it will be spectacular for you. This is the latest post in my “better man” series and on many of them I like to start with a disclaimer. This post is written from the point of view of a heterosexual man. I simply can’t proclaim this post will apply to other sexualities or genders because that is not where I am at. If you get value from it, that’s fantastic. Please take it in the context it is written, to help heterosexual men improve.

So the 4th decade is interesting because you aren’t old, and you aren’t young. People will start calling you “Sir” more often. You likely have some grey hair and are balding to some degree. You likely have smile lines as well and a dad bod is probably what you are rocking. Hormonally things really start to slow down. Additionally, you might start to develop your first “condition”, chronic pain, skin ailment or worse.

40 Something? Welcome to the start of the 2nd half.

By your 4th decade things should be much clearer for you in terms of your life, where you have been and where you are going. Here are the 4 “must have’s” of clarity in your 40’s.

  1. Career: You should have been working in your chosen field for a decade, in most cases more. You should know what the end game is, your earning potential through the rest of your career and exactly what it is you want to do. You should be beginning to think about what companies you want to do that for, not what role you want as your experience should already dictate that outcome. Simply put, your 40’s should be spent getting to the position and company you think will maximize your earnings and contentment with work.
  • Kids: If you haven’t already had them, this is the decade to have them. Children’s formidable years, where you can influence and participate the most is 3-13. Once they get to high school you are still in the picture but you are needed (and wanted) less and less. Having young kids in your 40’s is great, you’re healthy, they are learning and you have enough comfort with yourself after 4 decades you aren’t spending most of your free time figuring out your life.

  • Life Partners: This may, or may not be a spouse. This may or may not be a romantic partner. In your 40’s you should be able to identify who your life partners are going to be. These are the people you will still be talking to and engaging life with until you die. Siblings, in-laws, old friends, lovers, Ex’s…. The list needs to be clearer for you so you can focus on the critical people. One night in the future when you can’t sleep, think for a minute who are the most important people in your life. The ones you can’t live without, if its more than 10 you have to many. Focus on 1-10 these are your ride or die partners for life.
  • Family: not your spouse/ex & kids but your extended family. This overlaps somewhat with “Life Partners”, but remember many people in your extended family will not be around for the later part of your life. Your grandparents if still alive are likely 80+ your parents probably retired or are getting there. Family can be both a blessing and a curse. At some point one of your older family members will need help. It could be financial, emotional, physical you simply don’t know. As you age things can happen quickly. Imagine your mother gets very sick with Cancer has 2 years to live and your father is out of the picture. Will she live with you? A sibling? Have a plan for aging parents and extended family if they are part of your current life. Issues here can wreak havoc on your life in your 40’s.

Your 40’s are a great decade. Mine was great my kids came of age, my relationships got stronger. However, my mother got to a point she could no longer live alone. My siblings and I had a plan, it worked and she is doing very well now 6 years later. You are getting older, your 40’s is the start of the 2nd half (in football terms). There is a lot of game left to play, but the first half has shaped the 2nd half start. Maybe you are banged up? Maybe you killed it in the 1st half? Buckle up, the 3rd qtr. goes by quickly. Before you know, you’re going to be 50…..

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How to improve as a man – Consider the source

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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How to be a better man – Be direct, not for her, for you

This is going to be a very quick post but it might be the most important post in the “better man” series I am producing. Once again I need to be clear here, I am speaking to heterosexual men. This might be applicable to all sexualities I simply don’t know. For heterosexual men, let’s be very clear, it’s okay to flirt, it’s okay to ask women out, it’s okay to desire females. It is not okay to pursue a woman on any level after she has been clear she isn’t interested.

This isn’t a 1980’s ROMCOM, its 2022 and the world has changed for heterosexual men. No means no, not “I can try again later”. You also have to be astute about picking up uncomfort. You go to the woman’s desk at work and start talking to her about non work related things. She folds her arms and starts looking at the floor, why do you think she is trying to convey?

Be concise fella’s, you like a woman ask her out. Be direct, it’s the best way to know as quickly as possible if there is any hope. The games are over, the nuances of prior courting rituals are now blurred, you have to be very careful. One complaint from a female that you are harassing them and your world can change forever. Females don’t know what you are thinking, they don’t know your intent and now more than ever they are empowered to act in their self-interest regardless of how harmless you believe yourself to be.

Some females use this new social construct to harm men. They are out there, do not delude yourself. Be respectful, be kind, be direct. The clearer you are; the more clarity you will obtain.

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