Tag: Mens issues

How to be a better man: Dealing with women at “the wall”

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So quick disclaimer: This post is part of a series I do that give wisdom to heterosexual men. If you find this helpful great, if you are offended please be clear that is not the intent. I don’t know you, so I do not create blog posts to upset you.

So that out of the way what is the wall? In the world of relationships the term “The Wall” has become a meme that describes the point in which females begin to age and decline. This happens to men as well but it is most associated with females in the current discourse. This can loosely be tied to the decrease in hormones both sexes experience as they approach mid-life but the context of the meme has evolved beyond the biological application.

Simply put when someone his at the “wall” their appeal is declining. I have seen numerous blog posts and videos in the “manosphere” discussing when this actually happens to women. Some say it’s when their “clock” starts to tick. A nod to the past incarnation of the wall meme, essentially, when a woman feels the desire to settle down and have children. This isn’t all women of course but the general theme seems to be most women experience this.

I am not a female so I can’t speak to the biology directly but I do know ovulation happens once a month and is not infinite and over time, this biological process slows down. More over what has happened in the current social construct is women have been assigned categories based on their age by many in the “manosphere”. I think labels are problematic myself but I understand navigating the dating and relationship world in 2023 is a lot different than it was in 2003. Many men, rightly or wrongly believe women who are 35+ are fast approaching the wall and are potentially lower value mates.

This wall is not going to be torn down, it is undefeated.

Now I cannot speak to this directly. I personally have found plenty of older women attractive but a man peaking in his mid to late 30’s might not feel the same way. So how do you deal with women at “the wall”? First, you should not dismiss them outright due to their age and you should not capitalize on the current social narrative that essentially portrays these women as desperate for a man.

In all of your relationships with females, but specifically for romantic relationships with aging females you have to work on being as direct and honest as possible. Therefore, it may very well be that the meme is true, the older she gets the more desperate she becomes to settle down. What is wrong with that? I do not see the issue really, I understand the motivation clearly actually. What I don’t understand is the many men in the manosphere that seem to hold a grudge against these women who desire that.

Do not date them then. You see what happens when you are direct and honest is everyone is empowered. She is crystal clear what your expectations and wants are. It is up to her to communicate to you what she wants. You see one of the greatest triumphs of feminism is the fact that women now own their outcomes when it comes to relationships with men. If she isn’t clear, or expected something different then what you were willing to provide that is on her now. You do not have to spend hours trying to figure it out, you get to be honest with her and if she isn’t up for what you are, you swipe to the next one.

Women approaching the wall are not taboo, do not discard them. Women who are not honest and clear about their expectations for the relationship they want with you are taboo. Run from them as fast as you can. Remember hook up culture is okay if it’s consensual, anything goes IMHO. Just be clear though, as women age they often desire different outcomes. That doesn’t make them bad people or damaged, it makes them authentic. So give them the same authenticity in return, tell them what you are up for and what you aren’t. It might work out, might not but at least this way there is no B.S. everyone knows the deal.

“The Wall” comes for us all and it means different things to different people based on their life experience. Who knows, if you are lucky, you might find someone who is really cool and you share a lot of desired outcomes, you can hit the wall together.

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How to be a better man: Mornings

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So in this series I post advice for heterosexual men because that is what I know. If this advice can help you that’s great. I don’t personally care about your gender, your sexuality how you identify etc. I try to provide good advice for men because honestly there is very little of it out there. So that out of the way, being a better man encompasses many areas. One of the hardest things to master is discipline.

Being disciplined helps you attain goals. It keeps you focused and allows you to measure progress. It’s a worthy endeavor and one you should be working toward and applying in as many facets of your life as you can. Today I am talking about Mornings. Now many will simply call this the “Morning Routine”. Fine call it whatever you want, but it is a means to creating discipline.

You adhere to the same processes over time and produce a desired result. We all have to wake up, so that is step one obviously. Key here is the time you wake up, it should be the same every day if possible. Of course, there will always be exceptions; a late night merits a late sleep by 98% of the time you should be waking up at the same time every morning. This establishes a good sleep pattern as well as the ability to consistently project the day as you know with a good degree of certainty when you should be getting up.

Don’t be a fool, focus on yourself first and positive things happen to everyone around you.

The first hour is key, now this can vary from person to person. Meaning you might take longer or shorter to get going but getting up in the morning and affording yourself an hour is reasonable. In that hour you should be able to achieve the following goals:

  1. Shower
  2. Face care routine (shave, trim, moisturize)
  3. Misc. grooming (trim nose & ear hair)
  4. Mouth routine (brush, floss, mouth wash)
  5. Get the clothes ready for the day – a bit more on this. Many of us put our clothes out for the next day at night, if you did great. In this space you want to get your outfits ready. Work, exercise, evening wear. This saves time and B.S. later.
  6. Food – Some of us fast. For those who don’t this is your time or make your coffee.
  7. Check online items – your social media, email etc.

Of course, this list can be added to or reduced depending on your personal situation. The key here is creating a morning routine. This leads to discipline and discipline is a core tenant to being a successful man. Many of these might be self-evident, I know it is a simple basic list but it’s the consistency over time that will help you establish more routines in other aspects of your life. Routines and discipline leads to predictable outcomes, predictable outcomes leads to success.

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How to be a better man: Maybe it’s you?

Posted on by Karac Avalron

This is going to be a quick post today. So in my “how to be a better man series” I offer advice to heterosexual men. I suppose the advice can be used by anyone really but I try not to speak into sexualities, genders, etc. that I do not have direct experience with. So please take it in the spirit in which it is offered.

So “Maybe it’s you” what does that mean? Simply put, if everywhere you got things end up smelling like shit for one reason or another, it’s time to check your shoes. You might actually be the issue here. If your relationships with females all end a certain way, or if your work situations always seem to devolve to the same bullet points you have to be honest with yourself.

If you treat a woman like a Queen, she should be treating you like a King

YOU are always present in these situations. The likelihood of the same outcomes happening over and over with unrelated parties because of THEIR choices is highly unlikely. If you have dated four females and each one of them end the same way I would ask you, did they know each other? If they did not then the common denominator is you.

Self-reflection, honesty and a strong effort into self-improvement is going to fix many of these situations. Just because “It’s you” doesn’t mean it cannot be fixed. You have to do the work to identify what exactly the problem is. If, as an example, you are dating and you have no desire to get married, but constantly date women who DO desire to get married, you have to fix that.

At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself, and even that is a challenge at time. Keep working hard, Keep pushing yourself and remember to always give yourself grace. You are not perfect, none of us are but self-awareness and honesty are the pathways to being a better man.

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How to be a better man: Passport wife?

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So in my series on how to be a better man I cover a lot of subjects, this one might be the most controversial but it will take me the least amount of time to cover. So as a disclaimer let me be clear, the “how to be a better man” posts on my blog are meant for heterosexual men. I can’t speak to other genders or sexualities specifically as I am a heterosexual male. This advice may or may not apply to you, only you can decide.

So many men in the west complain about women (and vice versa) specifically about the cultural change that has happened in the last 50 years. Women are more empowered sexually, in the work place and in just about every aspect of society. I’m not going to quibble on if it’s enough etc., but things have changed and largely for the better.

Not according to some men. They want a “traditional” relationship where gender roles are clearly established based on traditional western societal norms. We first have to acknowledge and accept that things have changed. In marriage things have shifted a great deal actually, one only has to look at outcomes for men in divorce to see it clearly. Not to mention the societal shift in valuation of men in comparison to women.

Shared values is paramount to long term happiness.

I’m not going to go in depth on those aspects of the narrative. I am going to speak about what you want and specifically how to obtain it. Passport wives has become a new phenomenon in the modern male movement as there is this belief that women in other cultures are more apt to accept a traditional female role in a relationship. That might be true, the evidence suggests it is but I can’t say that unequivocally myself.

What I can say is to the men directly – be clear on your expectations, be reasonable and do not settle. Now if you want a traditional relationship that’s fine. Who cares where the woman is from if you both share the same values and desired outcome? We are talking about a marriage, go look the word up it, it is a legally or morally formed union. You are uniting as one, so other than children this is the most significant relationship you will ever have in your life.

Marriage has an extreme effect on your personal wellbeing along with all of the legalities that form around shared property within the current legal system. So a “passport wife” is fine if that’s what you want, but don’t kid yourself that finding someone from say Albania is going to magically negate the realities and legalities of marriage. You have to find someone who you share the same values as, they can be anywhere.

The key for you is vetting this person. Live with them, experience them and really pay close attention to how they represent themselves (and you) to other people. In the end there is no full proof method to selecting a marriage partner. Cultural differences are a thing, I’m not denying that but you can go half way across the world and still find a bad person. Be careful about marriage, for a man it’s the biggest commitment you will ever make.

Western culture has changed; the social construct has built in many safeguards to protect women. Some might be over zealous, fine, others are spot on. Regardless of where your potential spouse was born, its where you chose to marry, and under those laws that is of the outmost importance. This assumes of course you did your diligence and you have shared values to begin with…

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How to improve as a man – Consider the source

Posted on by Karac Avalron

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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How to be a better man: The “mid-term” relationship test

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So another post in my better man series, this one is for all the guys that are in a mid-term relationship (I say between 6 months to 2 years). You are committed to one another as exclusive (most likely) and are basically figuring out if this is going to be a long term play. Before I map out this test for you a quick disclaimer: My how to be a better man posts are meant for heterosexual men. This may or may not work for other sexualities, I don’t know. This isn’t meant to offend, it’s my opinion and hopefully it helps men navigate the trials of improving themselves.

So you have been together just over a year your GF is great you are in love and so is she. The “Test” is a rhetorical question but her actions after the question is posed is what is going to tip you off on where you really stand with this woman. At some point she is going to want to go out with her girlfriends, to a club, a show, some public place. No problem that’s fine you aren’t married but ask her this question.

“Would you be okay if your long term boyfriend went out with a group of friends, and that night women, some better looking than you bought him drinks, flirted with him and were ready to have sex with him even if he told them he was in a long term committed relationship?”

When she goes out with the girl’s how is does she look?

Now a smart woman is going to say no of course not. We know when groups of women go out, men flirt, buy them drinks etc. and we know why. Women like the attention, I get it and it doesn’t mean they are cheaters but do they ever imagine if the roles were reversed how they would feel?

Now the test: Did she go out with her friends anyway after you gave her that scenario? Did she invite you to go with them? If she went out anyway and didn’t invite you? That’s a red flag bud, the night she is out, ask yourself the test question and insert GF, instead of BF. How you feeling? If she went out anyway, I would encourage you to take a hard look at behaviors and decide very quickly if she is your long term play.

I’m not saying she is cheating, I’m not saying she is a bad person, I’m not saying you are a simp, but again, how you feeling?

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: 3 things to do to start 2023

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Hello readers! Once again we have another post in my “Better man” series. This series is targeted toward heterosexual men. This advice can be employed by anyone really but when I write in this vein I write about what I know. I can’t speak to the needs of other sexualities or identities because I don’t live that. So that disclaimer out of the way being a better man is subjective of course. The goal in with these posts is to give men perspective on things they could do to improve.

If you don’t feel you need to improve of course this isn’t applicable. So a new year, let’s get 3 things together that you can do now that are going to feed you positive outcomes through 2023

Relationship Clarity: It’s time to figure out who your ride or die people are. I’m not talking about immediate family like mom, dad, siblings, I’m talking about friends. I don’t care what gender they are, or if they are drinking pals, fuck buddies, work friends it doesn’t matter. You need to figure out who the main players are in your life outside of your immediate family and start investing the most precious commodity in the world into them, your time. Figure out the relationship, what do you want out of it? Is it healthy? Do they feel the same way about you?

Commit to Sleep: Now this could go off on a fitness tangent but I’m not going to do that. I think you should be working out of course but setting fitness goals at the beginning of the year is a trap. However, committing to sleep will enhance literally everything in your life. You have to get the right amount of sleep. You should be targeting 7 hours a night, if you can get more great but 7 hours should be your goal. You need to commit to this so if that means Sun-thurs, lights out at 11PM, do it. I can’t begin to tell you all the benefits of good sleep and the positive outcomes it will bring, but trust me on this one.

Plan and adventure: Yes, in 2023 you should go on an adventure. What I mean by this is, creating an outcome that makes you go to an unfamiliar situation but safe one. Maybe on July 4th you get on a plane and go to Idaho. Maybe you don’t like to swim? Plan a cruise. Do something to challenge yourself outside of your current comfort environment. Change the venue, do something odd. Maybe wear a suit to Mc Donald’s and eat a meal there? I don’t care what it is but do something out of the ordinary for you, it might open up a door for you that you never would have seen had you not done so.

There are tons more things you can do this year to work on self-improvement. I will bring more to you as the year progresses. Remember, as a heterosexual man you have to become self-sufficient and strong. There are very few resources for you, in the social order you are no longer top of the food chain. Work on yourself, and spend less time thinking about other people and worrying about their outcomes. A strong, healthy, vibrant you = the people around you flourish.

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How to be a better man: You own the behaviors you allow

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So this is another post in my “better man series” these posts are meant for heterosexual men who are looking for wisdom. They may or may not be applicable to you, these are not meant to be offensive anyway. So that out of the way, behaviors are a window into the future. If you see someone who is chronically late, the chances are 3 years from now they will be chronically late… You get the point.

So for men this is paramount to your happiness if you chose to be in a committed relationship with a woman. This is true for females too, don’t get me wrong here it works both ways. I can’t speak to how females perceive this issue beyond my experience living with them. For men though, here is the point: If you commit to a woman, you commit to her as is. You see there is the old notion that women try to “change men” maybe it’s true maybe it isn’t.

The good news is its 2022 and the game has changed dramatically. Equality? You got it. Women pursue men, women propose, women pay, women do lots of things that were traditionally slotted in the “male role” so as things balance out, you shouldn’t adopt a “I can change this later” attitude. Now there may be habits your chosen one has that annoy you but you can live with. I will give you an example. I have been married for nearly 25 years, my wife sometimes talks to me as she is brushing her teeth. I hate that, but I put up with it because she has been doing it forever.

If you tell the truth, you don’t need to take a pill.

I chose her, and when I did I took all the good and the bad. So for you my young male friend you are now going to have to have a very serious internal discussion with yourself. If you chose to get serious with a woman and be in a committed relationship you have to be honest with yourself about her habits and if any of them bother you. This can be silly small things (like mine) or they can be serious issues (she talks over you sometimes).

Whatever it is YOU have to be clear about it in your own mind and be completely blunt with yourself. Can you live with this? Will it get better? Here is the thing, if you do provide yourself with this clarity and you still chose to go forward into a committed relationship you have placed her in a position where she can’t win. Even if you talk to her about “annoying habit A” you are still choosing her, and that tells her that it is safe for her to invest in you emotionally.

Don’t do it to her, and don’t do it to yourself unless you are 100% certain those habits are deal breakers. It’s one of the small things many men do when entering a committed relationship, they tell themselves “I will put up with this because this other thing is great”. 2 years later, you are full of resentment and she wants an engagement ring. You’ve now created a situation where you will be in misery if you go forward or you will have a huge blow out when you DON’T get her the ring.

All because you weren’t able to be honest with yourself, and clear with her about behaviors that bother you. Its 2022, women deserve the truth, they are not princesses anymore to be rescued and protected and you are no white knight. Want a long term successful relationship? Identify behaviors that bother you and either chose to own them, or chose someone else.

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How to be a better man – The truth about “red pilling”

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Let’s be very clear here, Red Pill, Blue Pill has evolved from its original appearance in the matrix. If you claim you are being red pilled now you will be labeled as a white supremacist, a fascist, anti-female on and on. First a quick life observation for you: Often those who are claiming you are exhibiting a trait or behavior are the ones whom exhibit the behavior themselves.

So red pilling in the modern nomenclature, for men means you believe that there is a strident anti male movement in modern society. Now is this true? Partially. It would be more accurate to say there is more anti male undertones in society now than ever before. Believe all women (really ALL OF THEM?), divorce court, police, TV shows, commercials, college campuses., on and on.

Let me be blunt guys, anyone who tells you there isn’t more anti male sentiment is a bold face liar or completely oblivious to reality. Men are portrayed as idiots, incapable of making decisions, untrustworthy on and on in many aspects of Western culture. In some cases, its true, some men are like that, but ALL MEN? No. If you are a man there are degrees of red pilling in society happening right now. I am a white heterosexual man over 50, lol trust me its real.

Grow a thicker skin ASAP.

So what is this “truth” I mention in the intro? The truth is you control how much red pilling happens to you. Females in your life who lean the way of pointing out EVERY shortcoming a man has? Cut them out of your life. A company who continues to put out ads that make men look like morons? Stop buying that product. Courts constantly favoring the female in divorce situations? Don’t get married. Colleges who pontificate about gender inequality? Learn a trade.

Empower yourself to be removed from red pilling situations. Stop consuming it and stop engaging with the people who are in that space. Quick example a woman I worked with years ago was complaining that female golfers didn’t make as much as men golfers. She was right, but she chose not to address why but to state that “there needs to be equity in pay” I told her fine, then eliminate the LPGA and create one gold league and everyone competes with the same rules, winners get paid. She didn’t like that idea of course….

Point here is, trying to have a rational conversation with an irrational person is a waste of your time. Feminists, activists etc. are normally operating from emotion and that leads to irrational outcomes. Move on from them as fast as you possibly can. The quicker you do the happier you will be. You make yourself stronger, work hard, exercise, live right and believe me you will begin to attract like-minded people and your life will be richer for it.

People have a right to believe whatever they want. Red Pilling is the process in which you try to impose those views on others who DON’T believe. You know who they are, and there are a lot of them. Many are partially there, as an example the people who shamed you for not wearing your mask ALL THE TIME during covid. “but I’m in my car alone, why do I have to wear it here?” I had that conversation lol.

Be a better man, work on yourself first. Worry about all the noise later and be honest and clear with yourself who the people in your life are that are toxic and are red pilling you. You have to cut them out ASAP, you will be much happier as a result.

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How to be a better man: Respect is earned not just given.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Another post in my “better man” series. For those of you new to the blog I post articles from time to time to help heterosexual men. The advice of course can be used by anyone but I speak to what I know and I simply can’t speak in depth to the nuances of other sexualities/identities. So with that out of the way, what are we getting at with this post?

You see society has changed, men are no longer the pinnacle of the social hierarchy. Single, middle aged white male? In western culture you’re near the bottom now. As a man, for the most part you have very little social resources to pull from. 1-800 numbers? Go ahead name me 3 dedicated to men’s issues. Cops are called? They will assume you are the problem. Issue with your kids at school? They will ask if the husband is abusive. Never mind the court system and have you watched a commercial or TV show in the last 10 years? Men are portrayed as stupid, useless and buffoons.

So here we are in 2022, how then with that backdrop does a man treat a woman with respect? You don’t until she earns it. One of the beauties of the world I outlined above is, expectations on men are at an all-time low. It is now women who are held to a higher standard, well higher than before. You’ll find via observation that the most ardent and harsh critics of females are mostly other females but I digress.

So what do I mean “until she earns it”. Why should you adhere to antiquated social norms if your desired counterpart isn’t doing the same. Did she hold the door open for you? No? so why are you holding it for her? Are you being talked at or talked to (you know what I mean). Are you being emasculated? Is she “mansplaining” things to you? The point is you have to be very honest here about your relationships with females, and yes that includes sisters, mothers, and wives. 

Respect is earned.

Now to be clear, I’m not talking about normal everyday interactions. Being “polite” is different than giving respect. It’s always sage to be nice to people, there is no reason to be discourteous but respect is earned. When you respect someone it is far more reasonable to take their subtle bull shit (for lack of a better term). As an example you have a GF who is great, is respectful of you, your likes needs etc. and then one weekend she is unreasonable, hostile, demanding etc.

In this scenario you extend respect and monitor the situation. People have bad days and no one is perfect. Giving grace to others when they treat you wrong is the pinnacle of respect. When it becomes repeated behavior that’s a larger issue. Now imagine a woman you know talking down to you, embarrassing you in front of other people, emasculating you. Do you still treat them with respect because they are a woman? HELL NO.

Level the playing field here. Giving respect to women should no longer be your default setting. Be kind and polite to them but going out of your way to accommodate complete strangers is not the right play anymore. I’m going to leave you with an example that happened to me 2 months ago.

I am in line at the grocery store, the express check out. A woman is behind me, attractive and I can tell she is in a hurry. She asks if she can go ahead of me, I tell her no. She says “you’re not a gentleman are you?” Now before I get to my response let me clarify something. Years ago, I would have let her go because I was willing to extend respect to ALL females regardless. I was brought up that way, girls are made with “sugar and spice and everything nice” let me tell you something after 52 years on the planet, that’s not always true, lol.

My response to her was “Not anymore no, I’ve been exposed to many women like you”. She told me to “f off” and she went to another line. Honestly I didn’t have a good feeling I wasn’t proud of how I played that but when she asked there was no please, there was no smile there was no warmth it was just “my needs are paramount, get out of my way”.

No, respect is no longer just given, it is earned.

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