How to improve as a man – Consider the source

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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How to be a better man: The “mid-term” relationship test

So another post in my better man series, this one is for all the guys that are in a mid-term relationship (I say between 6 months to 2 years). You are committed to one another as exclusive (most likely) and are basically figuring out if this is going to be a long term play. Before I map out this test for you a quick disclaimer: My how to be a better man posts are meant for heterosexual men. This may or may not work for other sexualities, I don’t know. This isn’t meant to offend, it’s my opinion and hopefully it helps men navigate the trials of improving themselves.

So you have been together just over a year your GF is great you are in love and so is she. The “Test” is a rhetorical question but her actions after the question is posed is what is going to tip you off on where you really stand with this woman. At some point she is going to want to go out with her girlfriends, to a club, a show, some public place. No problem that’s fine you aren’t married but ask her this question.

“Would you be okay if your long term boyfriend went out with a group of friends, and that night women, some better looking than you bought him drinks, flirted with him and were ready to have sex with him even if he told them he was in a long term committed relationship?”

When she goes out with the girl’s how is does she look?

Now a smart woman is going to say no of course not. We know when groups of women go out, men flirt, buy them drinks etc. and we know why. Women like the attention, I get it and it doesn’t mean they are cheaters but do they ever imagine if the roles were reversed how they would feel?

Now the test: Did she go out with her friends anyway after you gave her that scenario? Did she invite you to go with them? If she went out anyway and didn’t invite you? That’s a red flag bud, the night she is out, ask yourself the test question and insert GF, instead of BF. How you feeling? If she went out anyway, I would encourage you to take a hard look at behaviors and decide very quickly if she is your long term play.

I’m not saying she is cheating, I’m not saying she is a bad person, I’m not saying you are a simp, but again, how you feeling?

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: 3 things to do to start 2023

Hello readers! Once again we have another post in my “Better man” series. This series is targeted toward heterosexual men. This advice can be employed by anyone really but when I write in this vein I write about what I know. I can’t speak to the needs of other sexualities or identities because I don’t live that. So that disclaimer out of the way being a better man is subjective of course. The goal in with these posts is to give men perspective on things they could do to improve.

If you don’t feel you need to improve of course this isn’t applicable. So a new year, let’s get 3 things together that you can do now that are going to feed you positive outcomes through 2023

Relationship Clarity: It’s time to figure out who your ride or die people are. I’m not talking about immediate family like mom, dad, siblings, I’m talking about friends. I don’t care what gender they are, or if they are drinking pals, fuck buddies, work friends it doesn’t matter. You need to figure out who the main players are in your life outside of your immediate family and start investing the most precious commodity in the world into them, your time. Figure out the relationship, what do you want out of it? Is it healthy? Do they feel the same way about you?

Commit to Sleep: Now this could go off on a fitness tangent but I’m not going to do that. I think you should be working out of course but setting fitness goals at the beginning of the year is a trap. However, committing to sleep will enhance literally everything in your life. You have to get the right amount of sleep. You should be targeting 7 hours a night, if you can get more great but 7 hours should be your goal. You need to commit to this so if that means Sun-thurs, lights out at 11PM, do it. I can’t begin to tell you all the benefits of good sleep and the positive outcomes it will bring, but trust me on this one.

Plan and adventure: Yes, in 2023 you should go on an adventure. What I mean by this is, creating an outcome that makes you go to an unfamiliar situation but safe one. Maybe on July 4th you get on a plane and go to Idaho. Maybe you don’t like to swim? Plan a cruise. Do something to challenge yourself outside of your current comfort environment. Change the venue, do something odd. Maybe wear a suit to Mc Donald’s and eat a meal there? I don’t care what it is but do something out of the ordinary for you, it might open up a door for you that you never would have seen had you not done so.

There are tons more things you can do this year to work on self-improvement. I will bring more to you as the year progresses. Remember, as a heterosexual man you have to become self-sufficient and strong. There are very few resources for you, in the social order you are no longer top of the food chain. Work on yourself, and spend less time thinking about other people and worrying about their outcomes. A strong, healthy, vibrant you = the people around you flourish.

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: You own the behaviors you allow

So this is another post in my “better man series” these posts are meant for heterosexual men who are looking for wisdom. They may or may not be applicable to you, these are not meant to be offensive anyway. So that out of the way, behaviors are a window into the future. If you see someone who is chronically late, the chances are 3 years from now they will be chronically late… You get the point.

So for men this is paramount to your happiness if you chose to be in a committed relationship with a woman. This is true for females too, don’t get me wrong here it works both ways. I can’t speak to how females perceive this issue beyond my experience living with them. For men though, here is the point: If you commit to a woman, you commit to her as is. You see there is the old notion that women try to “change men” maybe it’s true maybe it isn’t.

The good news is its 2022 and the game has changed dramatically. Equality? You got it. Women pursue men, women propose, women pay, women do lots of things that were traditionally slotted in the “male role” so as things balance out, you shouldn’t adopt a “I can change this later” attitude. Now there may be habits your chosen one has that annoy you but you can live with. I will give you an example. I have been married for nearly 25 years, my wife sometimes talks to me as she is brushing her teeth. I hate that, but I put up with it because she has been doing it forever.

If you tell the truth, you don’t need to take a pill.

I chose her, and when I did I took all the good and the bad. So for you my young male friend you are now going to have to have a very serious internal discussion with yourself. If you chose to get serious with a woman and be in a committed relationship you have to be honest with yourself about her habits and if any of them bother you. This can be silly small things (like mine) or they can be serious issues (she talks over you sometimes).

Whatever it is YOU have to be clear about it in your own mind and be completely blunt with yourself. Can you live with this? Will it get better? Here is the thing, if you do provide yourself with this clarity and you still chose to go forward into a committed relationship you have placed her in a position where she can’t win. Even if you talk to her about “annoying habit A” you are still choosing her, and that tells her that it is safe for her to invest in you emotionally.

Don’t do it to her, and don’t do it to yourself unless you are 100% certain those habits are deal breakers. It’s one of the small things many men do when entering a committed relationship, they tell themselves “I will put up with this because this other thing is great”. 2 years later, you are full of resentment and she wants an engagement ring. You’ve now created a situation where you will be in misery if you go forward or you will have a huge blow out when you DON’T get her the ring.

All because you weren’t able to be honest with yourself, and clear with her about behaviors that bother you. Its 2022, women deserve the truth, they are not princesses anymore to be rescued and protected and you are no white knight. Want a long term successful relationship? Identify behaviors that bother you and either chose to own them, or chose someone else.

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How to be a better man – The truth about “red pilling”

Let’s be very clear here, Red Pill, Blue Pill has evolved from its original appearance in the matrix. If you claim you are being red pilled now you will be labeled as a white supremacist, a fascist, anti-female on and on. First a quick life observation for you: Often those who are claiming you are exhibiting a trait or behavior are the ones whom exhibit the behavior themselves.

So red pilling in the modern nomenclature, for men means you believe that there is a strident anti male movement in modern society. Now is this true? Partially. It would be more accurate to say there is more anti male undertones in society now than ever before. Believe all women (really ALL OF THEM?), divorce court, police, TV shows, commercials, college campuses., on and on.

Let me be blunt guys, anyone who tells you there isn’t more anti male sentiment is a bold face liar or completely oblivious to reality. Men are portrayed as idiots, incapable of making decisions, untrustworthy on and on in many aspects of Western culture. In some cases, its true, some men are like that, but ALL MEN? No. If you are a man there are degrees of red pilling in society happening right now. I am a white heterosexual man over 50, lol trust me its real.

Grow a thicker skin ASAP.

So what is this “truth” I mention in the intro? The truth is you control how much red pilling happens to you. Females in your life who lean the way of pointing out EVERY shortcoming a man has? Cut them out of your life. A company who continues to put out ads that make men look like morons? Stop buying that product. Courts constantly favoring the female in divorce situations? Don’t get married. Colleges who pontificate about gender inequality? Learn a trade.

Empower yourself to be removed from red pilling situations. Stop consuming it and stop engaging with the people who are in that space. Quick example a woman I worked with years ago was complaining that female golfers didn’t make as much as men golfers. She was right, but she chose not to address why but to state that “there needs to be equity in pay” I told her fine, then eliminate the LPGA and create one gold league and everyone competes with the same rules, winners get paid. She didn’t like that idea of course….

Point here is, trying to have a rational conversation with an irrational person is a waste of your time. Feminists, activists etc. are normally operating from emotion and that leads to irrational outcomes. Move on from them as fast as you possibly can. The quicker you do the happier you will be. You make yourself stronger, work hard, exercise, live right and believe me you will begin to attract like-minded people and your life will be richer for it.

People have a right to believe whatever they want. Red Pilling is the process in which you try to impose those views on others who DON’T believe. You know who they are, and there are a lot of them. Many are partially there, as an example the people who shamed you for not wearing your mask ALL THE TIME during covid. “but I’m in my car alone, why do I have to wear it here?” I had that conversation lol.

Be a better man, work on yourself first. Worry about all the noise later and be honest and clear with yourself who the people in your life are that are toxic and are red pilling you. You have to cut them out ASAP, you will be much happier as a result.

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: Respect is earned not just given.

Another post in my “better man” series. For those of you new to the blog I post articles from time to time to help heterosexual men. The advice of course can be used by anyone but I speak to what I know and I simply can’t speak in depth to the nuances of other sexualities/identities. So with that out of the way, what are we getting at with this post?

You see society has changed, men are no longer the pinnacle of the social hierarchy. Single, middle aged white male? In western culture you’re near the bottom now. As a man, for the most part you have very little social resources to pull from. 1-800 numbers? Go ahead name me 3 dedicated to men’s issues. Cops are called? They will assume you are the problem. Issue with your kids at school? They will ask if the husband is abusive. Never mind the court system and have you watched a commercial or TV show in the last 10 years? Men are portrayed as stupid, useless and buffoons.

So here we are in 2022, how then with that backdrop does a man treat a woman with respect? You don’t until she earns it. One of the beauties of the world I outlined above is, expectations on men are at an all-time low. It is now women who are held to a higher standard, well higher than before. You’ll find via observation that the most ardent and harsh critics of females are mostly other females but I digress.

So what do I mean “until she earns it”. Why should you adhere to antiquated social norms if your desired counterpart isn’t doing the same. Did she hold the door open for you? No? so why are you holding it for her? Are you being talked at or talked to (you know what I mean). Are you being emasculated? Is she “mansplaining” things to you? The point is you have to be very honest here about your relationships with females, and yes that includes sisters, mothers, and wives. 

Respect is earned.

Now to be clear, I’m not talking about normal everyday interactions. Being “polite” is different than giving respect. It’s always sage to be nice to people, there is no reason to be discourteous but respect is earned. When you respect someone it is far more reasonable to take their subtle bull shit (for lack of a better term). As an example you have a GF who is great, is respectful of you, your likes needs etc. and then one weekend she is unreasonable, hostile, demanding etc.

In this scenario you extend respect and monitor the situation. People have bad days and no one is perfect. Giving grace to others when they treat you wrong is the pinnacle of respect. When it becomes repeated behavior that’s a larger issue. Now imagine a woman you know talking down to you, embarrassing you in front of other people, emasculating you. Do you still treat them with respect because they are a woman? HELL NO.

Level the playing field here. Giving respect to women should no longer be your default setting. Be kind and polite to them but going out of your way to accommodate complete strangers is not the right play anymore. I’m going to leave you with an example that happened to me 2 months ago.

I am in line at the grocery store, the express check out. A woman is behind me, attractive and I can tell she is in a hurry. She asks if she can go ahead of me, I tell her no. She says “you’re not a gentleman are you?” Now before I get to my response let me clarify something. Years ago, I would have let her go because I was willing to extend respect to ALL females regardless. I was brought up that way, girls are made with “sugar and spice and everything nice” let me tell you something after 52 years on the planet, that’s not always true, lol.

My response to her was “Not anymore no, I’ve been exposed to many women like you”. She told me to “f off” and she went to another line. Honestly I didn’t have a good feeling I wasn’t proud of how I played that but when she asked there was no please, there was no smile there was no warmth it was just “my needs are paramount, get out of my way”.

No, respect is no longer just given, it is earned.

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How to be a better man – 5 things you can do NOW to improve

This post is part of my better man series. In this series I give advice to heterosexual men on how to improve. I am no self-help guru, this blog isn’t a mgtow/men’s issues blog. It’s one of the many subjects I write on. I am 52, have a family lived a lot so from time to time I impart my wisdom to likeminded people. The advice given is not intended to offend anyone, if you are offended you are choosing to be so.

So being a better man is subjective. Meaning, who is to say you aren’t a good man now? I’m sure you are but there are always ways to improve. The improvements below are small things you can do now that will give you quick boosts of confidence. They will help you get that psychological rush of positivity that will likely transfer over into other aspects of your life and hopeful produce positive results.

Discipline, hard work and consistency = being a better man.

Your mouth: Make your mouth a priority. Regular cleanings at the dentist, whitening, fixing dental issues. Beard trimmed and kept clean using beard oils and a brush. Your mouth is a gateway, meaning people hear what you say but they watch your mouth as you say it. Having a clean, white smile and fantastic breath leads to extraordinary outcomes. You are more approachable, you are more appealing, people want to hear what you have to say when you mouth is spectacular.

Less clothes, better quality: Having a huge wardrobe is fine if you have the resources go for it. However higher quality items are always the way to go. As an example a high quality belt should last you years. Boots, dress shoes, sneakers you don’t need multiple pairs of these, you need good quality that are universal matches to the clothes you have. How old are some of your T shirts? It’s time to upgrade, spend a little more get something that fits better. 3 really high quality polo shirts are a great addition for summer wear. This doesn’t mean you trash the clothes you have, but the sweats and T’s you are lounging around the house in shouldn’t be your back up wardrobe for drinks this Saturday night.

Go to bed 1 hour earlier: More sleep is going to improve so many aspects of your life it’s hard to put them all down here in one paragraph. Sleep is the secret weapon of good health. The more sleep you can get the better outcomes you are going to have in all aspects of your life. You are going to have to trust me on this one, try it.

Less Masturbation: Here we go, finally something spicy. Nearly everyone does it, so get over it. Masturbate less, it’s going to change your attitude a lot. Can you go a whole month? Sex is different, I’m talking about those personal alone moments where you delve deep into the recesses of your imagination and come up with some fantasy to get off. It’s a fantasy, the less time you spend creating one in your head, the more time you have to devote to actually creating one IRL.

Special day notifications: You have a phone that has a calendar or notification feature you need to use it. Set up notifications for special days, your significant others birthday, anniversaries, Ex’s kids soccer game. Special days are unique to you obviously but you want to be prepared and aware one is on the horizon. The chance of you having a successful outcome is much higher if you use these notifications. Believe me you nail a special day for someone and they appreciate it. You screw it up and half ass it because you remembered the night before you might get by with it but you stagnate that way, you don’t improve.

Try some of these out and let me know how you do. Being a better man takes work, it’s a lifelong task. Remember working on yourself benefits everyone in your life. You aren’t selfish, you aren’t a bad guy you are just trying to do better and that starts with self-improvement.

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Squats

How to be a Better Man : Low Testosterone don’t ignore it !!!!

This is an expansion on a post I did prior on the master hormones for men and women. I do understand that the lines are blurred now, for some, regarding gender. This post is meant for heterosexual men. That’s what I am and that’s what I speak too. My intent is not to offend anyone, if you can relate to this topic great!

When I hit 40 I hit a wall. I know you’ve probably heard the story before right? Middle age everything goes downhill, but does it have to? I was an athlete in high school and continued through my adult life playing in a basketball league, golf, lifting, kayaking. I would classify myself as having a moderately active lifestyle. 5 out of 7 days of the week I was doing something that increased my heart rate and I was in great shape. 32 waist 200 pounds. I wasn’t cut but I was muscular and in good health.

At 42 ish I started to really get run down, depressed and just sick of everything. My family has a history of depression so I perused that vein first. All the boxes were checked, a decent career, good marriage, kids were okay. I altered my diet a bit, didn’t help. I finally went to my Dr and asked to have my testosterone panel done. I was at 234 the first test.

“In general, the normal range in males is about 270 to 1070 ng/dL with an average level of 679 ng/dL. A normal male testosterone level peaks at about age 20, and then it slowly declines. Testosterone levels above or below the normal range are considered by many to be out of balance.”

Source

So I was under the low range, I quickly got on androgel and got my Test up to approx 525 (I think it was 527 at 45) which is still below the average. I was getting heavier, I was now in a 36-38 waist and running at 240. The gain was all fat and I was depressed as all hell at how I looked. I had a laser lipo treatment, they sucked out 7 pounds of fat, didn’t help I put it back on. At this point I started to realize that I needed to do more. So I adopted a pretty simple but effective approach, a 5X5 workout plan. (link is to the one I currently use)

“Be like water man”

A 5×5 workout plan is pretty straight forward. Compound exercises every 48-72 hours 5 sets of 5 reps with as much weight as you can handle. I did this for 6 months before my next test (this was last year, 2 years after the 527 measure) my panel came in at 701 so I was no above average. I was still taking the androgel, I was down to 230 in weight by dropped from a 38 waist to a 34.

I was jacked, then I got hurt LOL. Hurt my back couldn’t do anything. I’m now back up to 240 not as fat as when I first started on this journey but the 10 gain wasn’t muscle. I’m wearing 36 waist now. If you are a man and you feel depressed, low energy and just in general don’t have a great “feeling” about yourself and your life, you might be low in testosterone. Your first step is to get tested, ask your Dr, to have a panel done. You need a starting point, if you are below the 679 average you need to figure out how to increase your test. There are of course other factors that could be the culprit, recent deaths, issues at home, stress at work, but testosterone is something you can directly control through diet, exercise and if need be medication. Don’t ignore it !

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Ancient Wisdom - Confucius

How to improve as a man – disconnect from other’s expectations

This is one of the hardest concepts to implement. It’s pretty close to “stop caring what other people think” which, unless you are a sociopath you’re not going to be able to achieve. However, other’s expectations is a broad enough category where we can whittle away at this which is the point of this post. Simply put, have good values and morals which you adhere too is paramount to self-improvement. Where you obtained those values is an aside really, the point here is trying to distance yourself from others expectations.

The perception of masculinity and men as a whole has changed dramatically over the last 50 years. It’s a mixed bag of good and bad to be blunt. For most men it’s now challenging to understand where they fit into societies expectations, as hundreds (or thousands) of years of accepted norms are no longer applicable. Disconnecting from the current status quo is paramount to your happiness as a man, and then by extension those who you have in your life.

This doesn’t mean you treat people like crap, be disrespectful, confrontational etc. It means you make the rules you live by and should people like or not like it that is there choice. The key proposition here is you are setting your own expectations and working to reach them. This in turn should attract to you people who are of a like mind. This is a net positive for you and everyone around you. This enables others in your life to clearly gauge you as an individual, and determine for themselves if you are someone they want to invest their time in.

Obtaining a thick skin is a life long journey

This also empowers you to live the life you want. One major caveat there though dear reader, when you do this you will face consequences. Society is in a place today where social dictates come from multiple sources. They are loud, aggressive and in many cases have extreme responses to anyone who does not adhere to their particular moral doctrine. That isn’t meant to scare you, just a warning. “cancel culture” is real, anyone can be targeted for mass harassment for a simple tweet like “I didn’t help them change their tire. 2 empowered females should be able to handle it no problem”

The world is full of anonymous experts in everything, particularly how you should think and feel. Be mindful of this as you venture through your own self-discovery and decide what works for you and how to implement it. Disconnecting from other’s expectations is extremely challenging, it means that some in our life will be unhappy. It may mean that on your journey you experience a lot of turmoil. Take heart, as this journey is your own and becoming a better man, at the end of the day, makes everyone around you better too.

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How to improve as a man – Consider the source

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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