Tag: Mens Rights

How to be a better man – Let’s be blunt about Gas Lighting

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So in my “how to be a better man” series I give advice to heterosexual men. I cannot speak to other genders, identities, or sexual orientations, as I don’t live that life. So please take this advice as it is intended, it is not intended to offend but to help. So if you are a heterosexual male and you are out there dating it’s time to be very blunt about something, gas lighting.

First let us be clear what gas lighting is. Gas Lighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gas lighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

So how does that manifest itself in a relationship between a man and a woman? It’s actually very simple to detect, here are a few examples. When a woman tells you, it’s your fault that she does something. Now remember context is important so here is an example “You have been working so much and ignoring me, so I went out with my girlfriends and flirted with a guy”. So in that example she chose to flirt with another man, she I telling you it’s your fault, is it really?

If you are being Gas Lit its going to cost WAY more then an arm and a leg.

Another example of gas lighting is when you confide in your partner some of your insecurities or issues. As an example maybe you had a horrible experience with your grandparents as a child and you reveal this to her. In disagreements in the future, she uses this information to help affirm her arguments and or minimize yours. Now people do this often, it’s not just females that do this but the point here is how do you as a man deal with gas lighting when you are in a relationship?

The first time this happens, you tell her point blank “You are gas lighting me, and that’s not acceptable”. This puts her on notice that you know what she is doing. Gas lighting is a way to manipulate other people, it’s that simple. This declaration to her is notice that what she is doing is unacceptable. What is key here is her response. A defensive response suggests she understands exactly what she is doing and is troubled that YOU know what she is doing.

That may be the end of it, and that is cool. What isn’t cool is if the gas lighting continues. If it does this is a woman you must break it off with. Someone who gas lights you wants control, and control often leads to abuse. This happens to women all the time some men are abusive but they use physical intimidation. Some women use gas lighting to affect the same outcome, a dominant position within the relationship. If that is something you want fine, you do you. However if you do not, address it the first time and do not let it continue under any circumstances. It will lead to resentment and a lot of wasted time.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

How to be a better man: Mornings

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So in this series I post advice for heterosexual men because that is what I know. If this advice can help you that’s great. I don’t personally care about your gender, your sexuality how you identify etc. I try to provide good advice for men because honestly there is very little of it out there. So that out of the way, being a better man encompasses many areas. One of the hardest things to master is discipline.

Being disciplined helps you attain goals. It keeps you focused and allows you to measure progress. It’s a worthy endeavor and one you should be working toward and applying in as many facets of your life as you can. Today I am talking about Mornings. Now many will simply call this the “Morning Routine”. Fine call it whatever you want, but it is a means to creating discipline.

You adhere to the same processes over time and produce a desired result. We all have to wake up, so that is step one obviously. Key here is the time you wake up, it should be the same every day if possible. Of course, there will always be exceptions; a late night merits a late sleep by 98% of the time you should be waking up at the same time every morning. This establishes a good sleep pattern as well as the ability to consistently project the day as you know with a good degree of certainty when you should be getting up.

Don’t be a fool, focus on yourself first and positive things happen to everyone around you.

The first hour is key, now this can vary from person to person. Meaning you might take longer or shorter to get going but getting up in the morning and affording yourself an hour is reasonable. In that hour you should be able to achieve the following goals:

  1. Shower
  2. Face care routine (shave, trim, moisturize)
  3. Misc. grooming (trim nose & ear hair)
  4. Mouth routine (brush, floss, mouth wash)
  5. Get the clothes ready for the day – a bit more on this. Many of us put our clothes out for the next day at night, if you did great. In this space you want to get your outfits ready. Work, exercise, evening wear. This saves time and B.S. later.
  6. Food – Some of us fast. For those who don’t this is your time or make your coffee.
  7. Check online items – your social media, email etc.

Of course, this list can be added to or reduced depending on your personal situation. The key here is creating a morning routine. This leads to discipline and discipline is a core tenant to being a successful man. Many of these might be self-evident, I know it is a simple basic list but it’s the consistency over time that will help you establish more routines in other aspects of your life. Routines and discipline leads to predictable outcomes, predictable outcomes leads to success.

Thank you for coming by and supporting the blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

How to be a better man: Passport wife?

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So in my series on how to be a better man I cover a lot of subjects, this one might be the most controversial but it will take me the least amount of time to cover. So as a disclaimer let me be clear, the “how to be a better man” posts on my blog are meant for heterosexual men. I can’t speak to other genders or sexualities specifically as I am a heterosexual male. This advice may or may not apply to you, only you can decide.

So many men in the west complain about women (and vice versa) specifically about the cultural change that has happened in the last 50 years. Women are more empowered sexually, in the work place and in just about every aspect of society. I’m not going to quibble on if it’s enough etc., but things have changed and largely for the better.

Not according to some men. They want a “traditional” relationship where gender roles are clearly established based on traditional western societal norms. We first have to acknowledge and accept that things have changed. In marriage things have shifted a great deal actually, one only has to look at outcomes for men in divorce to see it clearly. Not to mention the societal shift in valuation of men in comparison to women.

Shared values is paramount to long term happiness.

I’m not going to go in depth on those aspects of the narrative. I am going to speak about what you want and specifically how to obtain it. Passport wives has become a new phenomenon in the modern male movement as there is this belief that women in other cultures are more apt to accept a traditional female role in a relationship. That might be true, the evidence suggests it is but I can’t say that unequivocally myself.

What I can say is to the men directly – be clear on your expectations, be reasonable and do not settle. Now if you want a traditional relationship that’s fine. Who cares where the woman is from if you both share the same values and desired outcome? We are talking about a marriage, go look the word up it, it is a legally or morally formed union. You are uniting as one, so other than children this is the most significant relationship you will ever have in your life.

Marriage has an extreme effect on your personal wellbeing along with all of the legalities that form around shared property within the current legal system. So a “passport wife” is fine if that’s what you want, but don’t kid yourself that finding someone from say Albania is going to magically negate the realities and legalities of marriage. You have to find someone who you share the same values as, they can be anywhere.

The key for you is vetting this person. Live with them, experience them and really pay close attention to how they represent themselves (and you) to other people. In the end there is no full proof method to selecting a marriage partner. Cultural differences are a thing, I’m not denying that but you can go half way across the world and still find a bad person. Be careful about marriage, for a man it’s the biggest commitment you will ever make.

Western culture has changed; the social construct has built in many safeguards to protect women. Some might be over zealous, fine, others are spot on. Regardless of where your potential spouse was born, its where you chose to marry, and under those laws that is of the outmost importance. This assumes of course you did your diligence and you have shared values to begin with…

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.

Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: 3 things to do to start 2023

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Hello readers! Once again we have another post in my “Better man” series. This series is targeted toward heterosexual men. This advice can be employed by anyone really but when I write in this vein I write about what I know. I can’t speak to the needs of other sexualities or identities because I don’t live that. So that disclaimer out of the way being a better man is subjective of course. The goal in with these posts is to give men perspective on things they could do to improve.

If you don’t feel you need to improve of course this isn’t applicable. So a new year, let’s get 3 things together that you can do now that are going to feed you positive outcomes through 2023

Relationship Clarity: It’s time to figure out who your ride or die people are. I’m not talking about immediate family like mom, dad, siblings, I’m talking about friends. I don’t care what gender they are, or if they are drinking pals, fuck buddies, work friends it doesn’t matter. You need to figure out who the main players are in your life outside of your immediate family and start investing the most precious commodity in the world into them, your time. Figure out the relationship, what do you want out of it? Is it healthy? Do they feel the same way about you?

Commit to Sleep: Now this could go off on a fitness tangent but I’m not going to do that. I think you should be working out of course but setting fitness goals at the beginning of the year is a trap. However, committing to sleep will enhance literally everything in your life. You have to get the right amount of sleep. You should be targeting 7 hours a night, if you can get more great but 7 hours should be your goal. You need to commit to this so if that means Sun-thurs, lights out at 11PM, do it. I can’t begin to tell you all the benefits of good sleep and the positive outcomes it will bring, but trust me on this one.

Plan and adventure: Yes, in 2023 you should go on an adventure. What I mean by this is, creating an outcome that makes you go to an unfamiliar situation but safe one. Maybe on July 4th you get on a plane and go to Idaho. Maybe you don’t like to swim? Plan a cruise. Do something to challenge yourself outside of your current comfort environment. Change the venue, do something odd. Maybe wear a suit to Mc Donald’s and eat a meal there? I don’t care what it is but do something out of the ordinary for you, it might open up a door for you that you never would have seen had you not done so.

There are tons more things you can do this year to work on self-improvement. I will bring more to you as the year progresses. Remember, as a heterosexual man you have to become self-sufficient and strong. There are very few resources for you, in the social order you are no longer top of the food chain. Work on yourself, and spend less time thinking about other people and worrying about their outcomes. A strong, healthy, vibrant you = the people around you flourish.

Thanks for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.