How to be a better man – The real secret (are you a beta, alpha or????? )

What label have you accepted? I bet you’re loathe to say you are a beta aren’t you? Maybe you are walking around telling everyone you are an Alpha male, which obviously that’s what Alpha males do….. Maybe you are an Omega? A Gamma? A label allows you to be classified simply, marketed too, sorted out and identified. These labels/titles are social constructs created by others to better identify your behaviors so you can be categorized.

You can try and identify these labels and emulate them. Who knows, maybe in your mind you will achieve the ideal for one of these labels. Maybe you will truly become an ALPHA MALE!!!! Make sure you tell everyone. Maybe, just maybe you can be yourself. You know some days you might be completely alpha some days you might be beta and everywhere in between.

It’s kind of like politics, are you 100% one way? Do you maybe believe that a woman has a right to determine what happens with her body but on the other hand don’t think government should be involved in financing social programs? Life isn’t black and white and neither is being a man. So what does all this mean? You see there has been a schism in the social order that governed society for thousands of years. Traditional male and female roles have converged and diverged and as a result you have to find where your place is on your own terms.

That place is where you want it. See we are at a place in the social construct of complete freedom for men. It’s fantastic that women have become liberated, they can be politicians, anything. Let them go fight wars now. Take out the trash? They can do that. Change the oil in the car? Go for It. The freedom of women and their liberation is the best thing to happen to men in a long, long time. You never have to accept inequality again. You see it works both ways, well it should but there are many out there who want their cake and eat it too.

A thick skin makes you stronger then 99% of “Alpha Males”

Don’t allow that anymore. You decide who you are. You want a label great, don’t want one that’s cool too. Always demand equality and if you don’t get it you need to remove those people from your life ASAP. It’s okay to like whatever you like. Paint your nails, wear dresses, put on makeup…. Or grow a beard, swill beer, swear. Everything is wide open now. Pick whatever label you want and within it create the name YOU want it to be.

If members of the opposite sex don’t like it and want you to change, move on from them. Because here is the real secret and it’s the one that has scared the shit out of men and women alike. You don’t need a woman to be happy, a woman doesn’t need a man to be happy. The catch is most men from a young age are conditioned not to expect emotional support or to be needed. Girls are protected far more, there are 1-800 numbers for any issue a woman might have, seen one for men lately? Women in western culture are placed in a different light from a young age, and with that comes unfair expectations on them I concede that. For a man? Expectations have never been lower. Not the bread winner? That’s acceptable. Dad bod and not athletic? That’s acceptable. On and on…

This is your chance, you can now be whatever you want however you want to frame it. Western society has created an equality narrative, and with it comes good and bad outcomes. Most of the negative outcomes here are for females, they now have even higher expectations placed on them than ever before where their male counterparts have been reduced. The phrase “careful what you wish for” comes to mind but equality of opportunity doesn’t always translate to equality of outcomes.

Social expectations and thousands of years of an accepted social construct don’t evaporate overnight. Women will still be judged on their appearance (by other women often), their ability to run a house, be a mother and now their ability to earn an income and excel professionally. They have all the pressure. Men are not held in high regard at all. This is great for you if you are a man, you now have more freedom than ever before. Relieved of the burdens of expectations you can build the life and strength you want and genuinely attract those who like you for who you are, not who they expect you to be or some arbitrary title.

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How to improve as a man – Accepting an unpleasant reality

Society has come a long way in terms of equality. It is true that at many points in the past there was gross inequality in nearly all aspects of life. Are things perfect? No, are they better? Yes. As a man you have a very unpleasant reality staring you in the face. At one time men enjoyed the fruits if in-equality. Maybe you were alive for that, so you think it doesn’t apply and that’s largely true but society has evolved to the point where it is now common place to shame/cancel people for things that happened decades prior.

That’s an unpleasant reality for everyone. What is the unpleasant reality for men that we have to accept? That Women, Pets, and Kids are loved unconditionally, and a man is loved only when he provides something. Of course this isn’t an absolute, it’s not 100% of the time but you look at the current cultural and social norms and this is a truism. Is it right, wrong? I’m not here to debate that or get into an argument over men’s rights or feminism. I am here to help men improve and for today’s lesson on improvement, men have to accept this reality.

There are organizations all over the world that help women, children, pets. When was the last time you saw an organization that was dedicated to helping men exclusively? I’m betting it’s not often at all, and are you a white heterosexual male? LOL good luck…

Don’t fight battles you know going in you can’t win.

How we improve here is by accepting this social dynamic reality. Fighting against it is wasted energy at this point you will be overcome by wave after wave of individuals whom want you silenced. I’m not here to discuss their motivations or why we are where we are but to offer you a way to excel in this reality. Embrace the notion that your value will be based on what you can provide to others. It is not and never will be unconditional like women, pets and children. As a man you will be measured by what you offer, for now anyway.

If you can accept that, then you can begin the process of building the basis by which what you are offering is in demand. That is the secret here, understanding the social dynamic and creating the conditions by which you “fill the bill”. Maybe you want to fight against this and find it hypocritical and detrimental? I would recommend you research MGTOW if that is the case. If you want to prosper as a man in the 2020’s what you offer to others will dramatically increase your value.

Examples of “offerings”

  1. Financial stability
  2. Good moral compass
  3. Physically fit
  4. Great hygiene
  5. Leadership
  6. Willingness to do the work others wont
  7. Honesty

I am not suggesting this is a great situation at all, its problematic for everyone because in the end what happens is resentment. Resentment is the poison that kills relationships. You’re going to resent people because you have to deal with this reality. Meantime something happens to a female and there are 800 different resources for them to draw from to recover. You? You’re on your own. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will become stronger and have more to offer.

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Ancient Wisdom - Confucius

How to improve as a man – disconnect from other’s expectations

This is one of the hardest concepts to implement. It’s pretty close to “stop caring what other people think” which, unless you are a sociopath you’re not going to be able to achieve. However, other’s expectations is a broad enough category where we can whittle away at this which is the point of this post. Simply put, have good values and morals which you adhere too is paramount to self-improvement. Where you obtained those values is an aside really, the point here is trying to distance yourself from others expectations.

The perception of masculinity and men as a whole has changed dramatically over the last 50 years. It’s a mixed bag of good and bad to be blunt. For most men it’s now challenging to understand where they fit into societies expectations, as hundreds (or thousands) of years of accepted norms are no longer applicable. Disconnecting from the current status quo is paramount to your happiness as a man, and then by extension those who you have in your life.

This doesn’t mean you treat people like crap, be disrespectful, confrontational etc. It means you make the rules you live by and should people like or not like it that is there choice. The key proposition here is you are setting your own expectations and working to reach them. This in turn should attract to you people who are of a like mind. This is a net positive for you and everyone around you. This enables others in your life to clearly gauge you as an individual, and determine for themselves if you are someone they want to invest their time in.

Obtaining a thick skin is a life long journey

This also empowers you to live the life you want. One major caveat there though dear reader, when you do this you will face consequences. Society is in a place today where social dictates come from multiple sources. They are loud, aggressive and in many cases have extreme responses to anyone who does not adhere to their particular moral doctrine. That isn’t meant to scare you, just a warning. “cancel culture” is real, anyone can be targeted for mass harassment for a simple tweet like “I didn’t help them change their tire. 2 empowered females should be able to handle it no problem”

The world is full of anonymous experts in everything, particularly how you should think and feel. Be mindful of this as you venture through your own self-discovery and decide what works for you and how to implement it. Disconnecting from other’s expectations is extremely challenging, it means that some in our life will be unhappy. It may mean that on your journey you experience a lot of turmoil. Take heart, as this journey is your own and becoming a better man, at the end of the day, makes everyone around you better too.

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How to improve as a man – MGTOW Light

MGTOW (Men go their own way) is one of the new popular social movements born from several social dynamics. I am not here to say it’s good or bad, I think everyone has to make the best choice for them. I do understand why some men do this and they have legit reasonable rationales for doing so. Like most things in life the best solution is usually somewhere in the middle.

MGTOW has been ascribed a narrative of being anti-feminist, misogynistic and void of all female contact. Of course the definitions run the gambit but the main stream narrative has painted MGTOW in a negative light. I think writing off all females is ridiculous, but I think many modern men are doing MGTOW light. Essentially what that means is now making themselves the priority not the attainment of approval or attention of females.

Keep in mind this is written from a heterosexual point of view. I can’t comment on Bi or Homosexual tendencies, I am neither and while I do have people in my life who are both I can’t intelligently speak on either in a meaningful way. I can say though that MGTOW light is a positive outcome for everyone. Strong men are good things for society. Not physically strong but mentally and emotionally.

Now that isn’t to say you can’t achieve both with females in your life but its far better to achieve both PRIOR to have females a large part of your life. I believe in marriage, I am married. I believe in committing to one partner for the long term. Maybe you don’t and that’s okay. It’s also okay for you to focus on your health, your wealth and overall wellbeing as a man and making it your top priority.

Always treat people the way you want to be treated.

It’s okay to date several women, as long as you are upfront about it. There is no need to lie, you don’t have to lead anyone on. Women have more power and opportunity now than ever before and it’s a good thing. They can choose if they want to be involved with you or not. They get to decide what is important for them and if you fulfil it or not. The key to MGTOW light is be extremely clear and candid with women.

If your goals and priorities don’t line up, that’s okay. You don’t have to change for them, and they don’t have to change for you. You might choose to, or they may choose to and that’s okay. Gone are the days where we have to act, lie, woo and or court the opposite sex. We are equal now right? Let them do that, and if they don’t want too? That’s cool too.

Not having females in your life is a huge mistake. Its way beyond sexual, although for me that is important, they bring value and perspective to many situations we otherwise wouldn’t have. The problem with MGTOW is you are eliminating valuable people from your life. As the old saying goes “don’t throw out the baby with the bath water” There are plenty of great women who genuinely like men and want good relationships. They are out there if you look. There are also horrible women who treat men like crap in every way. You have to decide if it’s worth it or not.

In the end focus on improving as a man and often what you find is you attract like-minded people. You put “I hate women” vibes into the world you get “I hate men” vibes back. Put out good vibes, positive vibes, honest and upfront vibes and you might be surprised as to what you get back…

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Dressing to feel good !

How to improve as a man – 3 must haves by 30

Many of the posts I do on this topic pertain to relationships. To be clear, I am a heterosexual male so my experience and desires are focused exclusively toward females. I think its paramount for all of us to be honest about our nature and to embrace it. As long as we are not harming other people it’s all good. Relationships aside, improving at any stage of life makes you more attractive. Static and stuck people are rarely sought after, in nearly all aspects of life. For men, 30 is an important year it’s when you are truly entering your prime.

Don’t be fooled by articles that tell you a man’s prime is when he is in his 20’s because his testosterone is at its peak. That’s physical prime, and that’s important but the complete package? You aren’t there yet in your 20’s. By the time you are 30 you should be entering the best years of your life. This includes attracting good partners, income increasing, physical well-being, and mental health. Below is a list of 3 things you must have by 30.

  1. Have a career: I know that’s general but let me clarify. By 30 you should have your certifications and degrees. You should have a few years (or more) experience in your chosen profession. You should have a professional network. You should have a clear understanding of what your income potential should be. By 30 years old your career should be starting to blossom. You shouldn’t be vacillating anymore on what you want to do, from 30-50 you should be doing it and growing your wealth.
  2. Have a health regimen: This doesn’t just mean going to the gym, but that is part of it. You should have a workout schedule. You should have sleep discipline (going to bed and awaking at the same times consistently) you should have a grooming routine (teeth, skin, beard, hair) that is daily, weekly and monthly. More on this…. Getting a haircut shouldn’t be “wow things look straggly need to get a trim” you should be on a once a month (or sooner) schedule so your hair always looks good.
  3. Have Relationship clarity: By 30 you should understand what you want. MGTOW? Fine. Marriage? Okay. There shouldn’t be any more games mentally. Simply put, it’s okay to date a lot but the game is over. Meaning you don’t have to fool anyone anymore, if dating is all you want from a partner you don’t have to hide it and should be upfront about it. This leads to consensual EMOTIONAL relationships which is key for successful men. You don’t want the drama, if you want marriage cool. If you don’t, be clear let the other person decide if THEY want to continue.
Squats
Men should never skip leg day.

If you have these things by 30 you are going to have a great decade. You should be making decent money, you are experienced, confident you’ve been around a little you are not some dumb kid in his 20’s anymore. This will attract more positive outcomes for you and it’s something that you should be working towards regardless of where you are in life. Maybe your 20’s was a mess and now at 32 you are thinking “where the hell am I going to be in 10 years?” Do these 3 things and set yourself up for a glorious 4th decade. For me 30-50 was the best years of my life.

My teen years were fun but I made so many bad choices. Now at 51 I am planning retirement and will have no problem achieving it because in my 30’s I buckled down, got my shit together and became a better man.

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How to be a great dad: How to ensure your daughter has good relationships with men.

This is another post in my series of how to be a good guy/better man. I see all over the web about MGTOW and men checking out and to be blunt I completely understand why. We aren’t going to get into that in this post but I want to make sure I am clear here, traditional gender roles, traditional relationships and traditional marriage might not be for you regardless of gender. I happen to be in one, by choice many years ago and that is the context of this advice.

Children watch adults and mirror behaviors. I don’t think that is going too far out on a limb, it’s how we all learn by exposure to situations, observation and modeling successful outcomes. That out of the way let me state for the record I am no expert in women romantically, I mean I have had a decent amount of romantic relationships in my time but I am years removed from that.

I am however experienced and nuanced in female relationships. I spent a lot of time with my Grandmother and mother, I have sisters, I have a wife, I have a daughter. IMHO I have observed the women in my life conduct themselves in just about every normal situation you can think of. Again this isn’t a post that is pertaining to sex but rather real life (power goes off, flat tires, sick spouses, politics, work issues). So while I am not going to proclaim I am an authority I do have a broad scope of experience.

Enough
OMG is this guy going to get to the point….

How do you ensure your daughter has a good relationship with men as a dad? Conduct yourself toward the women in your life the way you would want a man to conduct himself with your daughter. Your daughter is watching you and how you treat women and it’s the most likely influence for her to base her future relationships with men. Treating women with respect, and conversely expecting women to treat you with respect is paramount. Respect leads to trust, trust leads to several positive outcomes in personal relationships.

If you are an angry aggressive man, chances are your daughter ends up with one. Are you a pushover, and are miserable at work and your spouse doesn’t treat you well? That’s likely to be what your daughter does as well. The point here is pretty simple, your daughter is looking to you for more than just the normal emotional support you give children but what she should be looking for in a man in the future, if she in fact wants one.

It’s not just how you behave in the home or with family that is crucial it’s how you expect others to treat you as well. Stand up for yourself, be compassionate but confident. Be understanding but firm. Work on yourself as best you can, work on improvements where you deem it needed and remember she is watching you.

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