How to be a better man – Pornography & Masturbation

Did the title get you? It’s not click bait I will be very clear about the subject. A disclaimer first, my be a better man series is target toward heterosexual men. That’s what I am, and that is what I know. This advice isn’t meant to offend other sexualities, if you are offended that’s your choice. It may or may not be helpful to you regardless of your sexual identity.

So that out of the way let’s get to the heart of the issue right away: Watching pornography creates an unrealistic perception of females. Masturbating to pornography and inducing ejaculation gives you a dopamine release which floods the limbic system of the brain (our reward/feel good system). This is why it is so dangerous because one enhances the other and creates an extremely problematic outcome, unrealistic expectations.

You see the truth is fella’s, most women cannot compete with a porn star whose profession is to be highly sexual to please men. Now let me be crystal clear here, most women can compete on this level from time to time but daily on command? NOPE. Lingerie, toys, language, submission women can fill this want of yours but if you are watching porn and masturbating to it, you’re going to want this outcome regularly and no woman that I have met is up for that 24/7.

So now we have this reality that presents females with a really hard choice. Be themselves and have their male partners not fulfilled, or become something they aren’t and please their men? Both end in resentment, which is the silent killer of relationships. Look this isn’t an anti-male post here, women have plenty of their own issues they project on to us but I can’t control that. As a man though I can control my issues and work on my personal self-improvement.

The way to a mans heart is through his stomach, the way to a mans brain is through his penis.

So what is the answer? Here is what I did. First, I am married with 2 adult children, I am 52. In my 20’s I dated a lot had some some fun (and some heartbreak) and after marriage in my late 30’s early 40’s I started masturbating and watching porn regularly. 4 to 5 times a week actually and it had negative consequences for myself and my wife. So how did I fix this? I took the steps below.

  1. I wrote out in a journal for 90 days how often I watched porn and how often I masturbated.
  2. I wrote out what kind of porn I was watching. I was specific, as an example: Lingerie styles, hair color, positions, locations, ambience.
  3. I then cut the days in half and monitored.
  4. From there (where I am now) I made another cut. I only watch porn once a month, the first Sunday of every month and if I miss it, I don’t get a “make up session” I wait until the next month.
  5. I reduced how often I masturbate even if I don’t have intercourse with my wife. Honestly this is the hardest part. I either have to have intercourse or masturbate at least once a week if not more. Now it’s once a week or intercourse.

Now clarity on the items on the list, first #5. This changes with age, I’m 52 the engine still runs fine but has miles on it, lol you get the point. Items #1-2 this is where you have to be very honest with yourself. If you are watching a lot of porn you might be addicted. Additionally, the kind of porn you are watching is telling. Be very honest here and if you suspect you have an issue talk to a professional. Porn addiction is real and can lead to all sorts of negative outcomes.

The hoped for outcome here is you masturbate and watch porn less = better relationships with the women in your life. Removing this burden from her to “perform” based on your fantasies relieves a great amount of sexual tension. Additionally, it gives her the opportunity to give you the “gift” of a performance sometime in the future which you will thoroughly enjoy and empowers her sexually.

A healthy sexual relationship requires clear communication of expectations, wants, and desires. It’s okay to want your female sexual partners to “perform” for you, I mean why lie about it if that’s what you want? The issue becomes EXPECTING them to do so. Look at it this way, it’s a gift to be given by a woman, not a service to be provided to maintain you as a mate. Spend the time, make the effort and get a good understanding of your porn and masturbation habits. We want positive outcomes for ourselves and our partners so you work on what you can control, and this one is important.

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How to be a better man – The truth about “red pilling”

Let’s be very clear here, Red Pill, Blue Pill has evolved from its original appearance in the matrix. If you claim you are being red pilled now you will be labeled as a white supremacist, a fascist, anti-female on and on. First a quick life observation for you: Often those who are claiming you are exhibiting a trait or behavior are the ones whom exhibit the behavior themselves.

So red pilling in the modern nomenclature, for men means you believe that there is a strident anti male movement in modern society. Now is this true? Partially. It would be more accurate to say there is more anti male undertones in society now than ever before. Believe all women (really ALL OF THEM?), divorce court, police, TV shows, commercials, college campuses., on and on.

Let me be blunt guys, anyone who tells you there isn’t more anti male sentiment is a bold face liar or completely oblivious to reality. Men are portrayed as idiots, incapable of making decisions, untrustworthy on and on in many aspects of Western culture. In some cases, its true, some men are like that, but ALL MEN? No. If you are a man there are degrees of red pilling in society happening right now. I am a white heterosexual man over 50, lol trust me its real.

Grow a thicker skin ASAP.

So what is this “truth” I mention in the intro? The truth is you control how much red pilling happens to you. Females in your life who lean the way of pointing out EVERY shortcoming a man has? Cut them out of your life. A company who continues to put out ads that make men look like morons? Stop buying that product. Courts constantly favoring the female in divorce situations? Don’t get married. Colleges who pontificate about gender inequality? Learn a trade.

Empower yourself to be removed from red pilling situations. Stop consuming it and stop engaging with the people who are in that space. Quick example a woman I worked with years ago was complaining that female golfers didn’t make as much as men golfers. She was right, but she chose not to address why but to state that “there needs to be equity in pay” I told her fine, then eliminate the LPGA and create one gold league and everyone competes with the same rules, winners get paid. She didn’t like that idea of course….

Point here is, trying to have a rational conversation with an irrational person is a waste of your time. Feminists, activists etc. are normally operating from emotion and that leads to irrational outcomes. Move on from them as fast as you possibly can. The quicker you do the happier you will be. You make yourself stronger, work hard, exercise, live right and believe me you will begin to attract like-minded people and your life will be richer for it.

People have a right to believe whatever they want. Red Pilling is the process in which you try to impose those views on others who DON’T believe. You know who they are, and there are a lot of them. Many are partially there, as an example the people who shamed you for not wearing your mask ALL THE TIME during covid. “but I’m in my car alone, why do I have to wear it here?” I had that conversation lol.

Be a better man, work on yourself first. Worry about all the noise later and be honest and clear with yourself who the people in your life are that are toxic and are red pilling you. You have to cut them out ASAP, you will be much happier as a result.

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man: Respect is earned not just given.

Another post in my “better man” series. For those of you new to the blog I post articles from time to time to help heterosexual men. The advice of course can be used by anyone but I speak to what I know and I simply can’t speak in depth to the nuances of other sexualities/identities. So with that out of the way, what are we getting at with this post?

You see society has changed, men are no longer the pinnacle of the social hierarchy. Single, middle aged white male? In western culture you’re near the bottom now. As a man, for the most part you have very little social resources to pull from. 1-800 numbers? Go ahead name me 3 dedicated to men’s issues. Cops are called? They will assume you are the problem. Issue with your kids at school? They will ask if the husband is abusive. Never mind the court system and have you watched a commercial or TV show in the last 10 years? Men are portrayed as stupid, useless and buffoons.

So here we are in 2022, how then with that backdrop does a man treat a woman with respect? You don’t until she earns it. One of the beauties of the world I outlined above is, expectations on men are at an all-time low. It is now women who are held to a higher standard, well higher than before. You’ll find via observation that the most ardent and harsh critics of females are mostly other females but I digress.

So what do I mean “until she earns it”. Why should you adhere to antiquated social norms if your desired counterpart isn’t doing the same. Did she hold the door open for you? No? so why are you holding it for her? Are you being talked at or talked to (you know what I mean). Are you being emasculated? Is she “mansplaining” things to you? The point is you have to be very honest here about your relationships with females, and yes that includes sisters, mothers, and wives. 

Respect is earned.

Now to be clear, I’m not talking about normal everyday interactions. Being “polite” is different than giving respect. It’s always sage to be nice to people, there is no reason to be discourteous but respect is earned. When you respect someone it is far more reasonable to take their subtle bull shit (for lack of a better term). As an example you have a GF who is great, is respectful of you, your likes needs etc. and then one weekend she is unreasonable, hostile, demanding etc.

In this scenario you extend respect and monitor the situation. People have bad days and no one is perfect. Giving grace to others when they treat you wrong is the pinnacle of respect. When it becomes repeated behavior that’s a larger issue. Now imagine a woman you know talking down to you, embarrassing you in front of other people, emasculating you. Do you still treat them with respect because they are a woman? HELL NO.

Level the playing field here. Giving respect to women should no longer be your default setting. Be kind and polite to them but going out of your way to accommodate complete strangers is not the right play anymore. I’m going to leave you with an example that happened to me 2 months ago.

I am in line at the grocery store, the express check out. A woman is behind me, attractive and I can tell she is in a hurry. She asks if she can go ahead of me, I tell her no. She says “you’re not a gentleman are you?” Now before I get to my response let me clarify something. Years ago, I would have let her go because I was willing to extend respect to ALL females regardless. I was brought up that way, girls are made with “sugar and spice and everything nice” let me tell you something after 52 years on the planet, that’s not always true, lol.

My response to her was “Not anymore no, I’ve been exposed to many women like you”. She told me to “f off” and she went to another line. Honestly I didn’t have a good feeling I wasn’t proud of how I played that but when she asked there was no please, there was no smile there was no warmth it was just “my needs are paramount, get out of my way”.

No, respect is no longer just given, it is earned.

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How to be a better man – 5 things you can do NOW to improve

This post is part of my better man series. In this series I give advice to heterosexual men on how to improve. I am no self-help guru, this blog isn’t a mgtow/men’s issues blog. It’s one of the many subjects I write on. I am 52, have a family lived a lot so from time to time I impart my wisdom to likeminded people. The advice given is not intended to offend anyone, if you are offended you are choosing to be so.

So being a better man is subjective. Meaning, who is to say you aren’t a good man now? I’m sure you are but there are always ways to improve. The improvements below are small things you can do now that will give you quick boosts of confidence. They will help you get that psychological rush of positivity that will likely transfer over into other aspects of your life and hopeful produce positive results.

Discipline, hard work and consistency = being a better man.

Your mouth: Make your mouth a priority. Regular cleanings at the dentist, whitening, fixing dental issues. Beard trimmed and kept clean using beard oils and a brush. Your mouth is a gateway, meaning people hear what you say but they watch your mouth as you say it. Having a clean, white smile and fantastic breath leads to extraordinary outcomes. You are more approachable, you are more appealing, people want to hear what you have to say when you mouth is spectacular.

Less clothes, better quality: Having a huge wardrobe is fine if you have the resources go for it. However higher quality items are always the way to go. As an example a high quality belt should last you years. Boots, dress shoes, sneakers you don’t need multiple pairs of these, you need good quality that are universal matches to the clothes you have. How old are some of your T shirts? It’s time to upgrade, spend a little more get something that fits better. 3 really high quality polo shirts are a great addition for summer wear. This doesn’t mean you trash the clothes you have, but the sweats and T’s you are lounging around the house in shouldn’t be your back up wardrobe for drinks this Saturday night.

Go to bed 1 hour earlier: More sleep is going to improve so many aspects of your life it’s hard to put them all down here in one paragraph. Sleep is the secret weapon of good health. The more sleep you can get the better outcomes you are going to have in all aspects of your life. You are going to have to trust me on this one, try it.

Less Masturbation: Here we go, finally something spicy. Nearly everyone does it, so get over it. Masturbate less, it’s going to change your attitude a lot. Can you go a whole month? Sex is different, I’m talking about those personal alone moments where you delve deep into the recesses of your imagination and come up with some fantasy to get off. It’s a fantasy, the less time you spend creating one in your head, the more time you have to devote to actually creating one IRL.

Special day notifications: You have a phone that has a calendar or notification feature you need to use it. Set up notifications for special days, your significant others birthday, anniversaries, Ex’s kids soccer game. Special days are unique to you obviously but you want to be prepared and aware one is on the horizon. The chance of you having a successful outcome is much higher if you use these notifications. Believe me you nail a special day for someone and they appreciate it. You screw it up and half ass it because you remembered the night before you might get by with it but you stagnate that way, you don’t improve.

Try some of these out and let me know how you do. Being a better man takes work, it’s a lifelong task. Remember working on yourself benefits everyone in your life. You aren’t selfish, you aren’t a bad guy you are just trying to do better and that starts with self-improvement.

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Squats

How to be a Better Man : Low Testosterone don’t ignore it !!!!

This is an expansion on a post I did prior on the master hormones for men and women. I do understand that the lines are blurred now, for some, regarding gender. This post is meant for heterosexual men. That’s what I am and that’s what I speak too. My intent is not to offend anyone, if you can relate to this topic great!

When I hit 40 I hit a wall. I know you’ve probably heard the story before right? Middle age everything goes downhill, but does it have to? I was an athlete in high school and continued through my adult life playing in a basketball league, golf, lifting, kayaking. I would classify myself as having a moderately active lifestyle. 5 out of 7 days of the week I was doing something that increased my heart rate and I was in great shape. 32 waist 200 pounds. I wasn’t cut but I was muscular and in good health.

At 42 ish I started to really get run down, depressed and just sick of everything. My family has a history of depression so I perused that vein first. All the boxes were checked, a decent career, good marriage, kids were okay. I altered my diet a bit, didn’t help. I finally went to my Dr and asked to have my testosterone panel done. I was at 234 the first test.

“In general, the normal range in males is about 270 to 1070 ng/dL with an average level of 679 ng/dL. A normal male testosterone level peaks at about age 20, and then it slowly declines. Testosterone levels above or below the normal range are considered by many to be out of balance.”

Source

So I was under the low range, I quickly got on androgel and got my Test up to approx 525 (I think it was 527 at 45) which is still below the average. I was getting heavier, I was now in a 36-38 waist and running at 240. The gain was all fat and I was depressed as all hell at how I looked. I had a laser lipo treatment, they sucked out 7 pounds of fat, didn’t help I put it back on. At this point I started to realize that I needed to do more. So I adopted a pretty simple but effective approach, a 5X5 workout plan. (link is to the one I currently use)

“Be like water man”

A 5×5 workout plan is pretty straight forward. Compound exercises every 48-72 hours 5 sets of 5 reps with as much weight as you can handle. I did this for 6 months before my next test (this was last year, 2 years after the 527 measure) my panel came in at 701 so I was no above average. I was still taking the androgel, I was down to 230 in weight by dropped from a 38 waist to a 34.

I was jacked, then I got hurt LOL. Hurt my back couldn’t do anything. I’m now back up to 240 not as fat as when I first started on this journey but the 10 gain wasn’t muscle. I’m wearing 36 waist now. If you are a man and you feel depressed, low energy and just in general don’t have a great “feeling” about yourself and your life, you might be low in testosterone. Your first step is to get tested, ask your Dr, to have a panel done. You need a starting point, if you are below the 679 average you need to figure out how to increase your test. There are of course other factors that could be the culprit, recent deaths, issues at home, stress at work, but testosterone is something you can directly control through diet, exercise and if need be medication. Don’t ignore it !

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Ancient Wisdom - Confucius

How to improve as a man – disconnect from other’s expectations

This is one of the hardest concepts to implement. It’s pretty close to “stop caring what other people think” which, unless you are a sociopath you’re not going to be able to achieve. However, other’s expectations is a broad enough category where we can whittle away at this which is the point of this post. Simply put, have good values and morals which you adhere too is paramount to self-improvement. Where you obtained those values is an aside really, the point here is trying to distance yourself from others expectations.

The perception of masculinity and men as a whole has changed dramatically over the last 50 years. It’s a mixed bag of good and bad to be blunt. For most men it’s now challenging to understand where they fit into societies expectations, as hundreds (or thousands) of years of accepted norms are no longer applicable. Disconnecting from the current status quo is paramount to your happiness as a man, and then by extension those who you have in your life.

This doesn’t mean you treat people like crap, be disrespectful, confrontational etc. It means you make the rules you live by and should people like or not like it that is there choice. The key proposition here is you are setting your own expectations and working to reach them. This in turn should attract to you people who are of a like mind. This is a net positive for you and everyone around you. This enables others in your life to clearly gauge you as an individual, and determine for themselves if you are someone they want to invest their time in.

Obtaining a thick skin is a life long journey

This also empowers you to live the life you want. One major caveat there though dear reader, when you do this you will face consequences. Society is in a place today where social dictates come from multiple sources. They are loud, aggressive and in many cases have extreme responses to anyone who does not adhere to their particular moral doctrine. That isn’t meant to scare you, just a warning. “cancel culture” is real, anyone can be targeted for mass harassment for a simple tweet like “I didn’t help them change their tire. 2 empowered females should be able to handle it no problem”

The world is full of anonymous experts in everything, particularly how you should think and feel. Be mindful of this as you venture through your own self-discovery and decide what works for you and how to implement it. Disconnecting from other’s expectations is extremely challenging, it means that some in our life will be unhappy. It may mean that on your journey you experience a lot of turmoil. Take heart, as this journey is your own and becoming a better man, at the end of the day, makes everyone around you better too.

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How to improve as a man – Consider the source

There are many people in the “men’s” space now. You have several female you tubers/tick tockers who give advice. Many men, on and on. Here is the thing, you have to consider the source. It’s going to be a quick post today because the point isn’t going to take a lot of articulation. Let me put it to you very succinctly, if someone doesn’t have a penis, how are they going to be able to advise you on how to manage yours? It would be like me giving a pregnant woman advice on how to handle body issues. Sure I can cite my experiences but I am not a woman the extent of my experience and ability to relate only goes so far.

taking advice from a woman on how to behave as a man isn’t a good idea. There is one major caveat to this, if you want to make THAT particular woman happy then yes adhere to her behavior parameters. Otherwise be yourself, and you will attract people (men and women) who want to hang with you. Additionally, be very careful which men you take advice from. As an example if you see me giving 20 years olds dating advice you should probably not take it very seriously. I am 52 and married.

You get the point. Look for people in similar situations that are like minded. The You Tuber with 6 mil subs isn’t going to relate to you directly. Maybe at one time he did but now? It’s unlikely. The masculinity gurus out there are good, to a degree. I mean the messages are not all that bad but for the most part if you live in a small town in Alabama and want to be a successful man, it’s probably more prudent to look for other successful men from small towns in Alabama.

Always consider the source of the information you are consuming and attempting to incorporate. The single best way to get better as a man is to look inward and make self-improvements. Hygiene, physical appearance, income, these are a few things that inspire positive emotions within you and flow outward that then attract positive outcomes. As the wise Jordan Peterson said “If you can’t even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world?” 

It’s a metaphor, the “room” is really any subject. Always consider the source.

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How to be a better man: They know, do you know they know?

So this is a cryptic blog title, but it’s important. Before we get going too far a quick reminder. My “How to be a better man series” is written for and by a heterosexual man. I can’t write for other sexualities as I don’t have those experiences myself, my opinion on those would be abstract. So that out of the way, Women know. They know what you want, generally, although this does evolve over time (what you want, and their ability to know it) but the initial phase of any heterosexual relationship (think the first 6 months) they know.

The question posed in the title is do you know they know? There really isn’t a mystery here, it’s been the driver of male pursuit of females for centuries. Men want sex. Again we are talking about heterosexual men. I am assuming other sexual proclivities want this as well but I am an expert on myself and I am a heterosexual male. Women know what you want. This is the dance. Now this dance has changed over time.

Its factual to say that it is easier now for men to get sex than ever before. We have the internet which has opened up many new avenues to obtain sexual gratification. It’s also factual to say that women are far more liberated sexually than ever before. The likelihood they that want to have sex is also higher. So this notion of they know, do you know they know might not be as potent in application as it was 50 years.

Talking about sex and attraction these days is like going out on a limb

It’s still very important. Females realize, and in many cultures are trained to understand that a man’s desire can be used to cultivate the type of relationship they want. Let me be clear here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. You use what you have to obtain what you want. I have no problem with females using their attraction to garner a relationship they desire, they should do that. Men need to be very clear here, regardless of how liberated society is this underlying dynamic between men and women still exists.

Let’s also be clear on something. For all my male readers, it’s okay to pursue and “court” females. When they make it clear to you they are uninterested you must stop. The days of yore where you could be zealous and really over pursue females (which in modern day IS harassment) is over. IF a woman is not interested in you, leave her alone. Again it’s okay to ask, but you HAVE to take no for an answer.

If, however you are in a relationship, regardless of the scope of the relationship remember they know. They know you want sex, and intelligent women use this knowledge to steer things the way they want it to go. Its manipulative yes but not all manipulation is bad, meaning if you have a good woman who has healthy intentions it’s safe to allow this to occur. Not all actions by females whom try and derive a benefit from their availability for sex is sinister. That said, you as the man have to be very clear on your sexual expectations. If they are reasonable they should be accommodated.

Your needs are not secondary; the difference here is most women know what your primary need is. You have to go in knowing they know, and now you do. Good luck.

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How to be a better man: A huge red flag

So another post in my “better man” series. These posts are designed to help heterosexual men. They may or may not be applicable to all genders and all sexualities I simply don’t know as I am writing from my personal perspective. So there are lots of red flags in relationships and many of us miss them completely. Often for men it’s the chase and the conquest, warning signs be dammed. It’s one of the worse parts of being a heterosexual make, the lack of discipline can change your life.

So you started dating someone, you like her a lot, she likes you a lot. Many of the “boxes” are checked for you and you are considering a more meaningful commitment. You begin to discuss it and hint at it, or maybe she has then you hear something like this:

“I’ve had bad experiences with men in the past”

This is the red flag. Now this may not come out verbatim but something along the lines of “I was damaged or hurt in a prior relationship”. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Why? It’s a prelude to one of the biggest failings in early relationships. One (or both partners) are using their past relationship to gauge you. Of course we all do this to a degree but when someone actually verbalizes it, that means it is paramount for them.

Ancient Wisdom - Confucius
Wisdom comes from experience

Maybe they made mistakes, maybe their prior partner made huge mistakes. None of that is your fault. It’s the other persons issue, and for you to be held accountable for it normally means you will be paying for the mistakes of her past. Thus your future is reliant on how you measure up against SOMEONE ELSES mistakes. Now men do this too, this isn’t strictly a female trait but I’m willing to bet you hear them verbalize more often.

This is a red flag and if you really like the woman you have to get ahead of this quickly by informing her that you are unwilling to be measured against someone else’s mistakes. Ask her to articulate SPECIFICALLY what those issues were and try and address it as best you can. Again this is if you are really hooked but 9 times out of 10 your best long term move is to end this relationship quickly for both of your sakes.

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man – Relationships and a harsh reality

Another post in my better man series. These posts are meant to help heterosexual men of all ages and are not meant to offend to speak to other genders and sexual orientations. This is one older guy sharing his wisdom with men of a similar mind. I am not a MGTOW blog, I do not have a bias towards one group or another, I post what I know and what I have seen based on my experience.

Disclaimer out of the way, there are some harsh realities heterosexual men have to deal with. In the current social construct in the western world, we are near, if not at the bottom. Your place among the bottom varies depending on your racial composition but for the most part it seems society thinks the least of you, and expects the most from you. This wasn’t always the case mind you, go take a look at say 1950’s America you were the top of the food chain.

So with this comes certain realities and one thing stands out as having the potential to be catastrophic to your life and that is relationships. It’s not just romantic relationships with women, it’s ANY RELATIONSHIP. One word from anyone can result in horrible outcomes. From someone at work calling your toxic, a cousin saying your racist or a neighbor who doesn’t agree with how you raise a child. As a heterosexual male the outcomes usually lead to more negative results then other group.

Am I contagious?
The longer you deny social realities, the longer you will remain confused and isolated.

You’ve heard the saying before “you can’t trust anyone” well guess what? That’s never been more true than it is now. What’s harder to replace? A career you worked at for 10 years or a casual friend you joke around with once a week getting coffee in the café? One wrong comment to that person can result in careers being over. Think I am exaggerating? Google is your friend. That neighbor who waves every morning? Want to bet they have social media? (twitter, FB, Tick Tock). What if they say something about you letting your dog run lose? (even if you don’t).

The harsh reality is as a heterosexual man in 2022 every relationship you have has to be looked at critically. You’re an easy target, low hanging fruit. I will give you a personal example. My daughter has a large group of friends, we had a party a few months ago. Hamburgers, hot dogs all the normal “cook out” fare you would expect. One of her friends was unhappy with the protein we provided at the party. There were plenty of vegan and vegetarian dishes there but that wasn’t enough. To the point where this “friend” posted pics of this “disgusting American tradition” on her social media.

There was little to no impact to me or my family, this wasn’t a disaster. But it could have been. Now granted that had little to nothing to do with me being a white heterosexual male but the point is one small thing can lead to larger and larger outcomes. What if some nut on the internet saw this and decided to visit us to explain how horrible we were for cooking hamburgers at a cook out? Think that’s a stretch? It isn’t things like that happen often actually, its just different degrees. The point here is even your most harmless actions can be open season on you. Be very careful who is in your life, even on the periphery.

The more people in your life, the more exposure you have. I’m not saying shut down but just be more cautious. Relationships, even ones abstract through others in your life (your girlfriends, brother’s, wife as an example) can lead to issues. Really listen to people in your life, understand who they are as best you can and the minute something begins to go toxic, cut them out and move on. The risk is no longer worth the reward. Harsh? Yes, but if you aren’t looking out for your interests, who is?

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