Men – Should you become serious with a single mother?

So for this Wednesdays post we are going to talk about heterosexual men. I cant speak to other sexualities or genders, this may be applicable I don’t know. So in the current social climate in the west men are checking out of traditional roles. Some of that is a bi product of current social norms, some of that is men choosing to detach and go their own way. I’m not here to judge anyone, you do you. For those men out there looking for a serious relationship with a woman, chances are you are going to meet single mothers.

There are a couple of truisms you have to accept when considering getting serious with a single mother. Lets just bullet a few of those out here first because its critical for you to understand and accept them.

  • The interests of the child will always come before your interests.
  • The father of the child has rights.
  • The father of the child will be a part of the mothers life and thus yours.
  • Her family and possibly the fathers family will be involved in the child’s life.

So why am I mapping out these obvious facts? Because if you chose to get serious with a single mother these will become part of your reality. Now there are some extreme cases where some or all of them will not be a factor but generally these are some of the truisms you’re going to face. Now lets get one thing out of the way first. You are not a bad guy if you do not want to deal with these issues.

Anytime you open your life to someone new, you’re going out on a limb.

It is okay to want to date a woman and JUST the woman. It is okay to not want to be serious with a woman. It is okay to want a woman and not want to be involved with her child. None of that makes you a bad guy. What makes men the villain in these situations is when they are not honest with the woman about what they want and what their expectations are. Let me be blunt, if you just want to get laid, there is nothing wrong with that. She might want the same dam thing, great. However with single mothers you have to go the extra step of being clear with her.

A child is involved, indirectly of course but this woman you are involving yourself with is responsible for the upbringing of a kid. Do the right thing and don’t screw around with her mentally or emotionally. So the question posed in the beginning was “Should you become serious with a single mother?” My advice is no you shouldn’t. It is not only a woman you are becoming involved with you are also taking on the responsibility of affecting a child when you affect the mother.

Now there are lots of other factors here, its not so cut and dry. Maybe she is the greatest person you ever met? Maybe you two are soul mates? On and on I don’t know I’m not there. What I do know is anything that affects a mother affects a child in some form. Are you mature enough and capable enough to handle that additional responsibility? Me personally? I don’t want to raise someone else’s child. They made the child they should instill in the child their values and morals. If it were me, I would want to date, experiment, have fun and should the stars align meet a really wonderful woman whom I want to share my life with.

That’s how I did it and it worked out well for me. I do understand the dating scene has changed a lot since I was in it. As a man you really have to be careful out there. No one is looking out for you. Women, pets, children are loved unconditionally. They have 1-800 numbers, organizations dedicated to their well being, government programs. You? What is out there to help men? Maybe this blog post, and or some other men’s website that’s about it really.

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How to be a better man: Dealing with women at “the wall”

So quick disclaimer: This post is part of a series I do that give wisdom to heterosexual men. If you find this helpful great, if you are offended please be clear that is not the intent. I don’t know you, so I do not create blog posts to upset you.

So that out of the way what is the wall? In the world of relationships the term “The Wall” has become a meme that describes the point in which females begin to age and decline. This happens to men as well but it is most associated with females in the current discourse. This can loosely be tied to the decrease in hormones both sexes experience as they approach mid-life but the context of the meme has evolved beyond the biological application.

Simply put when someone his at the “wall” their appeal is declining. I have seen numerous blog posts and videos in the “manosphere” discussing when this actually happens to women. Some say it’s when their “clock” starts to tick. A nod to the past incarnation of the wall meme, essentially, when a woman feels the desire to settle down and have children. This isn’t all women of course but the general theme seems to be most women experience this.

I am not a female so I can’t speak to the biology directly but I do know ovulation happens once a month and is not infinite and over time, this biological process slows down. More over what has happened in the current social construct is women have been assigned categories based on their age by many in the “manosphere”. I think labels are problematic myself but I understand navigating the dating and relationship world in 2023 is a lot different than it was in 2003. Many men, rightly or wrongly believe women who are 35+ are fast approaching the wall and are potentially lower value mates.

This wall is not going to be torn down, it is undefeated.

Now I cannot speak to this directly. I personally have found plenty of older women attractive but a man peaking in his mid to late 30’s might not feel the same way. So how do you deal with women at “the wall”? First, you should not dismiss them outright due to their age and you should not capitalize on the current social narrative that essentially portrays these women as desperate for a man.

In all of your relationships with females, but specifically for romantic relationships with aging females you have to work on being as direct and honest as possible. Therefore, it may very well be that the meme is true, the older she gets the more desperate she becomes to settle down. What is wrong with that? I do not see the issue really, I understand the motivation clearly actually. What I don’t understand is the many men in the manosphere that seem to hold a grudge against these women who desire that.

Do not date them then. You see what happens when you are direct and honest is everyone is empowered. She is crystal clear what your expectations and wants are. It is up to her to communicate to you what she wants. You see one of the greatest triumphs of feminism is the fact that women now own their outcomes when it comes to relationships with men. If she isn’t clear, or expected something different then what you were willing to provide that is on her now. You do not have to spend hours trying to figure it out, you get to be honest with her and if she isn’t up for what you are, you swipe to the next one.

Women approaching the wall are not taboo, do not discard them. Women who are not honest and clear about their expectations for the relationship they want with you are taboo. Run from them as fast as you can. Remember hook up culture is okay if it’s consensual, anything goes IMHO. Just be clear though, as women age they often desire different outcomes. That doesn’t make them bad people or damaged, it makes them authentic. So give them the same authenticity in return, tell them what you are up for and what you aren’t. It might work out, might not but at least this way there is no B.S. everyone knows the deal.

“The Wall” comes for us all and it means different things to different people based on their life experience. Who knows, if you are lucky, you might find someone who is really cool and you share a lot of desired outcomes, you can hit the wall together.

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Dressing to feel good !

How to be a better man – Answering one of the biggest questions for single men.

I am married 20+ years so you need to consider that as you read on and I give you, a single man this advice. Also keep in mind when I write posts about improving as a man it is based on my perspective as a heterosexual male. It doesn’t mean that this advice isn’t applicable to non-heterosexuals or females but it’s important to get these caveats out of the way first so you have a clear understanding where I am coming from.

I am not a fan of hardcore MGTOW. I think to be completely MGTOW requires you to remove women from your life completely and that’s a mistake. MGTOW light? I think that’s the way to go, which means simply treat women with respect and complete honesty and DEMAND the same in return. That said I see a reoccurring theme out there in the online world. I see women talking about it and men. So what is this one “biggest questions for single men?”

“Should I date single mothers?”

There are all sorts of stereotypes that come with being a parent, and even more if you are a single parent. This blog post is meant to deal with the single man and how they should approach this extremely important question. The quick answer is yes you should. Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are a bad person so let’s get that out of the way. The question becomes for you, “why are you dating a single mother?”

Do you just want to hook up? Do you love the fact she is a mother? Do you like kids?

It’s a big question because no matter how you look at the issue your decision affects a child. Thus a good man considers his motivations prior to getting to deep with a single mom. If you hurt her it has a residual effect on a child. There are all sorts of people in this world, there are plenty of single moms who want to hook up and aren’t looking for relationships and that’s cool. There are many who are looking to land a man to help them provide for themselves and their child. That’s understandable and a natural instinct. You shouldn’t penalize a woman for wanting someone to help them care for their children, that’s a common sense play.

Kids need consistent role models

The way in which they may obtain that in some cases might be suspect but the instinct is natural. Most of that really doesn’t matter though, because you are the one in control here. The allure of sex is potent, many men have fallen for it and with it all the residual baggage. Every one of those mothers are women, they want to be special to someone too it’s not solely about “I have to get some guy on the hook to secure this child”.

That said you also have to be honest, that child is not yours. Be very clear here and do not kid yourself. You may love the mom and love the kid, but it isn’t your child that means you will always have an outside influence into your most intimate relationship. Maybe the Ex is still in the picture? Maybe the grand parents still have input? Maybe her siblings measure you against the ex?

It’s an additional dynamic to an already complex relationship. Making relationships work with the opposite sex is hard enough. Add in someone else’s child and you are making that complexity much more prevalent. If she is a good mom, that child will always come before you and you have to understand and accept that. So again, yes you should date single mothers but be very clear going in what you expect, what you want and that she has someone else in her life that will always be a higher priority then you. If that isn’t something you want to deal with that’s cool, you aren’t a bad guy for being honest about that. If though you go in for the score and then bail, and that wasn’t clear to her you are damaging her and by extension the child. Don’t be that guy, hook ups are fine if everyone is on the same page with their expectations. With single mom’s you have to go the extra distance to be very clear what you want and what you need and make sure you both are in alignment.

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