Tag: Social Anxiety

How to deal with the holidays and family

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Yes, its that time of year again. If you live in the west, you have thanksgiving in the states and you have Christmas. 2 major holidays within 30 days of one another. Now there are plenty of anxiety and stress traps around these holidays, we could do multiple blog posts on all of it but today let’s focus on family issues.

If you’re like millions of other people you’re “going home” for the holidays or hosting family. This is a perfect storm, because for many of us the genesis of our anxiety resides in family issues. When we get together for the holidays we have all sorts of avenues in which our minds can dwell to increase our anxiety. From unhappy memories, toxic family members, the same routines on and on.

On top of those triggers your defenses are already low as you’ve likely been engaging in the holiday malaise at work, on the radio (24-7 x mas songs, ugh) commercials, stores on and on. So how do we mitigate this so maybe this holiday season we don’t have a battle with our anxiety?

Below are 3 things that I have done in my life that have helped me:

  • I planned a vacation as a present to myself and my family. So, do you take a vacation every year? If so the holiday season might be a great opportunity for you to go somewhere else and relax. I like this because I get to stay at a nice hotel, don’t have to cook and don’t have to deal with extended family. It isn’t cheap though. Traveling during the holidays can be pricey.
  • I didn’t over do it. Spouses family, my family, kids’ friends, work party, spouses work party. This is the time of year where “people get together” and its likely that you will be invited to more events in this period then at any other time during the year. You must prune out the invitations. Family is important but work parties? I mean don’t you see them enough? Cut out 25% of the invitations or expectations to see people that you have.
  • I focus on the kids. I know it sounds simple doesn’t it? The thing is this is an opportunity to affect the kids positively. If you need to go to these gatherings remember the kids are watching and taking cues from the adults. Do your best, be your best and create positive experiences for them. Often when you focus on the kids, you can glean from them that bit of joy they still have for the holidays. Its not new to you, but to them it still is.

The holiday season is challenging for those of us with Anxiety. It’s at our door step, you can do it. Take it one day at a time, one event at a time and remember you will get through it.

Warning signs from your child about anxiety

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Another anxiety piece on the blog today. We have discussed this topic at length here and one of the many issues in the anxiety sphere is how anxiety impacts children. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a child today, when I was a kid there was no internet everywhere, no smart phones, heck we just got cable but I concede I am ancient. Now? Any news you want, framed the way you want to see it is available 24-7. I wonder do the adults in the room who create these silos of affirmation and fear consider the impact on the very young?

I found a good article here that may help you recognize in your child some of the common behaviors for childhood anxiety.

From the article: “Basically, what we have found is that childhood anxious behaviors related to social isolation and sadness appear to carry risk for developing an anxiety disorder in later life” says Mr. Monk. “In contrast, behaviors related to situational fears and anxiety around adults do not appear to carry the same risk.”

The article does give examples of said behaviors but the gist of the article is the increased isolation of younger people has increased the likelihood of social anxiety disorders later on in their adult life. We already had isolation issues due to our increased reliance on the internet but we now have Covid 19. It’s reasonable to be fearful of the consequences of Covid, it’s a serious issue. The kids? They were out of school for months, many places don’t have group activities (sports, school functions, dances) and they are bombarded constantly with fear.

The poke for millions of people = Anxiety

Enter environmental issues, social issues, body issues, racial issues, gender issues… on and on and on and on. It’s no wonder kids are starting to isolate, what else are they supposed to do? They don’t have the resources, material and emotional to handle things any other way. Yes, they do have adults in their life that are supposed to help but where are we? Online in the social justice war arguing with anon people on twitter?

Maybe that isn’t you and that’s great, your kids are still exposed to toxic levels of information that are shaping their perception of others and the outside world. We used to be able to shield them better, now? They have access to everything instantly, it’s a scary new world and they lack the experience and wisdom to navigate it. Of course their anxiety is spiking. There are no easy answers here, no matter what though you have to keep talking to your kids and providing them a safe place to talk about their fears. In the end that’s one of the best things you can do, for them and for you.

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Reintegration fears

Posted on by Karac Avalron

The vaccine has been out now for a while, millions of people have been vaccinated (myself included) it’s now time to discuss materially reopening a reintegration back to the way things used to be. Yes, that means removing mask mandates, restrictions on gathering, penalties and the vast government dip into its citizen’s civil liberties.

As more and more vaccines happen it becomes harder and harder to make the argument for quarantine protocols. At some point we are all going to have to agree, regardless of where you fall on Covid, that it’s time to move back to a pre covid world. For those of us with anxiety? That’s another potentially crippling outcome. It’s not the fear of reintegration exclusively, its everything else that goes with it. I found a good article here that talks about some of these issues.

From the article: “Fear is normal. You and I are supposed to fear the virus because it’s dangerous. The difference, however, in terms of developing a psychopathological response is whether you end up behaving in … overly safe ways that lock you into the fear,” said Spada. “My expectation is we’re going to have … chunks of the population that are avoiding re-engagement and constantly worrying about the virus for months to come, whether they are vaccinated or not.”

This has the potential to be a serious issue not just for those who are in fear of reintegration but for everyone else who is striving to return to normalcy. There is no “new normal” only normal and the problem has always been what is normal for you might not be normal for me. I’m not proposing that anyone’s fears, or desire to get things back to normal are wrong. What I am saying is we potentially have a large chunk of the world population who will be living in fear for years to come.

Fear is devastating, regardless of the source.

Is it irrational? Not to them and that’s why we all have to do the best we can to make sure we create the safest environment possible. The quickest way to achieve this is getting the vaccination. I am no vaccine advocate I don’t believe personally that anyone should be forced to do anything. That said Covid has taken on a social and political life of its own and when you argue (whatever side you are on) over the solution it makes it extremely difficult to move forward.

There will always be people who chose to live in fear. There will always be people who have no choice but to live in fear because of their anxiety. There will always be people who will never accept government mandates. It’s never going to be perfect and there is always going to be risk. Covid has made many entities (media, pharmaceutical companies) way too much money to ever go away completely.

That said we can do our part one person at a time. If you can get vaccinated it, do it. If you can help someone get vaccinated do it. At some point in the future so many people will be vaccinated the fear should subside. Something else will present itself, it always does but for now, if you are still in fear you have my empathy. Many of us are doing the right thing and getting vaccinated, things are getting better you have to prepare for the next phase, reintegration.

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3 quick tips to deal with public anxiety

Posted on by Karac Avalron

If you read this blog you know we do a lot of pieces for people with Anxiety. We all have to go out into the public world, maybe less so with covid but we are there and we have to have tools to deal with it. This wont be a long post, but here are 3 things you can do to deal with anxiety when you are experiencing it in public.

  1. Shoulders back, stand up straight take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your nose: It sounds simple doesn’t it? Stand up and try it now, notice how you seem larger? You feel broader? This is a tried and true body language technique that tricks the mind into feeling more confident. You are also projecting that confidence outwardly to those watching.
  2. Smile: Smiles are disarming. Not only that it projects comfort. Simply put when you smile at someone they often perceive that you are happy, calm and not a threat. None of that may be true of course but smiling can help you weave through uncomfortable situations. Standing in line to get a coffee? Sure you could stare at your phone instead, but then youre awareness of your surroundings diminish.
  3. Wear heels: Men you can wear boots with a heel (or pumps I don’t care) but anything that makes you appear taller then you are. Often when we are taller we feel more confident, confidence is our friend in this fight against public anxiety. Also, when you are taller you will find those shorter then you are more apt to project friendly vibes.

Sound silly? Try it let me know if any of them worked, they work for me. J

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How to deal with the holidays and family

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Yes, its that time of year again. If you live in the west, you have thanksgiving in the states and you have Christmas. 2 major holidays within 30 days of one another. Now there are plenty of anxiety and stress traps around these holidays, we could do multiple blog posts on all of it but today let’s focus on family issues.

If you’re like millions of other people you’re “going home” for the holidays or hosting family. This is a perfect storm, because for many of us the genesis of our anxiety resides in family issues. When we get together for the holidays we have all sorts of avenues in which our minds can dwell to increase our anxiety. From unhappy memories, toxic family members, the same routines on and on.

On top of those triggers your defenses are already low as you’ve likely been engaging in the holiday malaise at work, on the radio (24-7 x mas songs, ugh) commercials, stores on and on. So how do we mitigate this so maybe this holiday season we don’t have a battle with our anxiety?

Below are 3 things that I have done in my life that have helped me:

  • I planned a vacation as a present to myself and my family. So, do you take a vacation every year? If so the holiday season might be a great opportunity for you to go somewhere else and relax. I like this because I get to stay at a nice hotel, don’t have to cook and don’t have to deal with extended family. It isn’t cheap though. Traveling during the holidays can be pricey.
  • I didn’t over do it. Spouses family, my family, kids’ friends, work party, spouses work party. This is the time of year where “people get together” and its likely that you will be invited to more events in this period then at any other time during the year. You must prune out the invitations. Family is important but work parties? I mean don’t you see them enough? Cut out 25% of the invitations or expectations to see people that you have.
  • I focus on the kids. I know it sounds simple doesn’t it? The thing is this is an opportunity to affect the kids positively. If you need to go to these gatherings remember the kids are watching and taking cues from the adults. Do your best, be your best and create positive experiences for them. Often when you focus on the kids, you can glean from them that bit of joy they still have for the holidays. Its not new to you, but to them it still is.

The holiday season is challenging for those of us with Anxiety. It’s at our door step, you can do it. Take it one day at a time, one event at a time and remember you will get through it.

Singer cancels 20 tour dates because of Social Anxiety

Posted on by Karac Avalron

It really is a wide-ranging affliction. So, I am unfamiliar with this singer, Summer Walker. She suffers from Social Anxiety and has been pretty up front about it. So according to the article here she is canceling concerts explicitly as a result of social anxiety.

From the article: “I’m not going to be able to finish this tour because it doesn’t really coexist with my social anxiety and my introverted personality,” she said in a video. “I’m a person, I have feelings. I get tired, I get sad and it’s just a lot.”

Now I can’t imagine what its like to get up on stage in front of thousands and perform, but that is this woman’s chosen profession. It must be extremely difficult to navigate given your success is predicated on the judgement of others. This must really amp up her social anxiety and as the statement from her above clearly points out, its more then she can bare.

I suspect over the years there has been plenty of celebrities who have social anxiety and plug through or turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. I think this is an incredible move on her part and I applaud her for it. Being honest about your anxiety opens you up to all sorts of criticism but it also allows you the freedom to be real with yourself.

I hope others with anxiety see this and take heart. The social stigma associated with anxiety is dissipating. It’s becoming socially acceptable to have this affliction. I know it seems odd to say this, but many people out there don’t believe that anxiety is a true “condition”. Many believe its drama, or someone wants attention.

You do you and remember if you have social anxiety you are no alone. There are resources out there to help you, and there are millions of people, like Summer Walker who have it, are living with it, and owning it. You are doing great, one day at a time.

Enough

Social Anxiety is horrible

Posted on by Karac Avalron

The older the get the more I am able to cope with anxiety. For a period in my life I had a lot of social anxiety, oh I went out did everything normal people do but I wore a mask. The mask was alcohol and drugs and it enabled me to become someone I wasn’t. Someone who I thought other people wanted to see, I was so wrong. I don’t regret most of it, I had some good times, some bad some crazy.

As I reflect on that period of my life I think now as an older person that I was playing a character. I was acting, I never wanted anyone to know how terrified I really was. I became uninhibited and it was glorious. I met people, I traveled I did stuff that inhibited me would never do. It was unhealthy, it prolonged for me the ability to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way.

It wasn’t until my 30’s that I really started to get a handle on who I really was, why I was the way I was and what I needed to do to be a normal functioning adult. Many people use alcohol as a mask, it doesn’t make them bad people. The problem becomes when the mask takes over who you are. These days we have so much more information on anxiety then we did. Its okay to talk about it now, you will not be sent to rehab for a condition no one understands (yes that happened in the 80’s).

I found a good article about coping with social anxiety. The article quoted an anonymous participant

“[Social anxiety] makes me feel as if I am the only one suffering in that way, and everyone else is just fine with going out and having a good time together. It makes me feel that no one likes me, so why would they want to talk to me? When they do talk to me, I always feel they are trying to find an excuse to get away and go and talk to someone else.”

Sounds familiar. I’m glad I am at the point I am now. I am more confident, I am in a decent place. My struggles now are with invasive thoughts and stress management, but I remember a time when going “out” required a buzz.

Is that where you are at now? If so, you aren’t a bad person. You’re doing great, one day at a time.