Tag: Wisdom

Living with Anxiety for Decades

Posted on by Karac Avalron

As most of you know I have anxiety, like many of you, and millions of people all over the world. Now unlike many of you I am in my 50’s and I have been living with Anxiety in some form for decades. So, what is it like to have anxiety issues in your 50’s and dealing with it for years?

Let me say that age enables you to have experience and experience breeds wisdom. It makes dealing with Anxiety easier so that’s the good news. The older you get, the longer you live with this issue the better equipped you become in dealing with it. Now things can still get bad don’t get me wrong, but the feelings of isolation and shame decrease as you begin to realize more and more that many people have this problem, it’s not just you.

That’s the good news, the bad news is you have more time to reflect on, which for me has always been the problem. I suffer from intrusive thoughts. I can be sitting in the car and suddenly I remember something that happened in 1983 that was a negative situation. The problem with intrusive thoughts is you assume the emotional reactions you had at the time and then start applying them to your current situation.

Pick whatever name you want, Anxiety at any age sucks

The older you get the more history you have that you can reflect on. Now everyone does this to a degree but for me anyway it can be debilitating. I can’t get out of the thought or the feeling, it will replay itself over and over until I can expel it. Like a song you cant get out of your head. It flavors everything I am doing and affects all of those around me. Now this is contradictory to the first part of the post isn’t it?

“Karac you said the older you get the less shame and isolation you feel” yes that’s true, but the frequency increases and that’s the problem. Literally daily I have an issue like this, and the factors that contribute to its intensity can be anything from lack of sleep, stress at work or family issues. So the older you get the easier it gets to deal with the issue, but the issue becomes more frequent.

At least that’s what is happening to me. I could take more medication but I basically just push through. Don’t get me wrong I have more good days then bad but when you have anxiety, you are most likely going to be dealing with it for decades. So all my Gen Z and Millennial friends out there, your mental health is a life long journey. The first critical step is recognizing your specific issue and understanding what your triggers are and why they are happening.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Please remember to like the post, subscribe if you are not and leave a comment so I know you were here.

Karac  

5 things you can do to handle hard conversations.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So here we are again dear readers, another blog post. This one was not simple to compose because I had to consider so many factors. In the end, after I spent a long time thinking about what to write I said “F*#k it” and I realized I was over thinking the subject. Hard conversations are not the norm. Of course, “hard” is subjective but I am talking about the conversations that lead to conflict or change relationships.

Divorce, coming out to loved ones, political debates, anger…. You get the picture here. All of us are going to have to have hard conversations in our life. I am closing in on 54 and I really thought about how many hard conversations I have really had. I am around a dozen myself. I’ve had conversations with siblings about getting them out of my life, to a serious girlfriend years ago cheating to a brother-in-law’s suicide to subduing a drunkard physically. The ones I have had with my children were hard but straight forward, being a parent has its advantages.

So, reflecting on all of that I came up with 5 things you can do to help you handle hard conversations:

  1. Say as little as possible: Listen and hold your tongue. Let the other person get emotional, overcome, and vocal.
  2. Mean it: When you do speak, you better mean what you say. No B.S. no vacillation. This is a hard conversation you can’t flip flop here. It’s likely there will be yelling, ultimatums, hurt feelings. If you are going down this rabbit hole mean what you say.
  3. Stand up and create space: Hard conversations can become physical. Be aware of what’s around you. Be aware of where you are, where the door is and most importantly awareness of the other person’s ability and propensity to become physical.
  4. Follow the eyes: This works both ways. Eye contact is important but can lead to hostile outcomes. If you are firm, and prepared, you look the person in the eye. This lets them know you are prepared to “have it out.” Looking at the ground and looking away creates the demeanor that you are aloof and or want to get away.
  5. Don’t engage: There are times when the best course of action is to say “No” firmly and exit the situation. It’s essentially picking your moment. You might not be ready for this. Have the conversation on your terms if you can.
If every conversation becomes a war, it’s likely you have the wrong people in your life.

Now none of this is an exact science. Things happen and hard conversations can pop up at any time. Chances are in your life you are going to have a dozen to twenty. If you have more it’s likely that you are around the wrong kind of people. You have hard conversations, generally, with people you care about or love. Something has happened and someone has been harmed emotionally, this is when hard conversations happen.

The random person on the street starting shit? That’s random. Your spouse yelling about the house not being clean? That’s a festering long standing issue that has now presented itself into a hard conversation. These things are going to happen and how you handle them could make or break some of your most important relationships.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Please remember to like the post, subscribe if you are not and leave a comment so I know you were here.

Karac  

How to obtain wealth – this one metric is key

Posted on by Karac Avalron

Welcome back folks it’s Wednesday and that means another blog post. So, you saw the title it’s not click bait (well maybe a little) but obtaining wealth is one of the more important endeavors many of us pursue. Is wealth the key to happiness? No not really. Does wealth give you more options to achieve happiness? Yes! So, as we journey through life and into adulthood there are a couple of key metrics you can measure to figure out if you will obtain wealth at some point.

To be clear, wealth doesn’t mean tens of millions of dollars. I mean it could mean that for you but wealth, in my view, is having enough income to enable you to pursue things that make you happy. Yes, having a 100 Million dollar yacht might make you happy, so might a 15K bass boat. Hopefully you get the picture here. The point is there are a couple of important aspects of adulthood we all have to deal with. This one key metric I reference in the title is one of the most important to determine if you have a chance to obtain wealth. “Well Karac what is it?!?!?”

How much of your income do you spend on housing.

Everyone has to live somewhere unless you are in dire financial straits. Your housing costs usually represent a huge chunk of your income. The principle here is pretty simple, the more you spend on your four walls the less money you have to spend on other things. Over time this has a debilitating effect on your wealth. To put it simply, if you are spending most of your money on rent you don’t have money left to invest, pay off debt, accumulate items you want etc., so on.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you time to do things that make you happy.

So how much should you be spending on housing? You should try and land somewhere between 25%-33% of your net income (take home pay, not gross). Now the important thing here is to remember your income can change over time. So, you might be getting a mortgage in 2023 and it is 33% of your income. You project that in a few years your income will increase 10-20% (for argument’s sake) and therefore the % goes down. You always want to start as low as you can on the curve and hope your income increases over time.

You may also lose income at some point, that happens. You may also get to the point where you do not pay for housing (you paid off your house). So, to be extremely clear here the metric for housing is the actual payment you make every month for rent or a mortgage. We aren’t talking about electricity, sewer etc. JUST HOUSING. Ideally you keep your housing costs at 25% of your net income through your adult life with the goal of someday having a house paid for with no mortgage.

At 24 that might not be realistic but let me leave you with this example. You are 24 you make 60K a year. Depending on where you live, taxes, benefits you chose etc. you will probably take home approx. 45,000 (these are rough estimates based on probable outcomes for the U.S.) So that equals $3750.00 a month. 33% of that (the high end) =$1,237.50. That’s the max amount of rent you should be paying to ensure you obtain wealth. Remember the numbers I used here are to give an example. For you here is how you do it.

Take home pay multiplied by number of annual pay periods = net income. Net income multiplied by 25% – 33% = housing cost you should be paying.

We don’t want to spend more than a third of our take home pay on housing because we need our income to pay bills, reduce debt and invest. The lower your % of housing cost the greater chance you will have to build wealth over time. Housing is likely the biggest monthly expense we face as we go through our adult lives. Keeping its cost in perspective as a % of take home pay is the key metric.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Please remember to like the post, subscribe if you are not and leave a comment so I know you were here.

Karac

The easiest way to empower yourself   

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So here we are back to the blog. The first content blog out of the gate is empowerment through your consumption. Unless you have been absent from online life the last year you know about the Bud Light situation. We aren’t going to delve into the political and societal issues here unless you want to in the comments. What we are going to discuss is the very real lesson this should provide to all of us. Our real power to affect outcomes in the world lies within our consumption. You want to change the world quickly? Organize like minded individuals to target your consumption.

Are you political? Are you an environmentalist? Are you a woman’s rights advocate? A men’s rights advocate? It’s likely that there are some causes you are extremely passionate about. It’s also likely that at times you feel helpless to affect change that impacts the causes you believe in. What if I told you that you hold one of, if not the most potent tool to affect change in the modern world? You probably wouldn’t believe me, particularly when I say “you’re going to do it anyway” you would raise a brow and stare.

What you spend your resources on is the greatest driver of outcomes in the modern western world. You are going to spend money on things you need and want, imagine if you focused that spending on companies who support the causes you care most about? It is true when people say “follow the money” or “money drives the economy”. Basically large corporations, political parties, celebrities all drive outcomes that usually involve economic benefit to them. The only larger entity in the world then some of these institutions is consumer spending.

How you spend your money drives outcomes.

Imagine if a shoe company made shoes that were made completely out of recycled material. Imagine that that shoe company blew up and got as popular as NIKE. Do you think Michael Jordan would be endorsing their shoes? You think their branding and social messaging would be all over sports? Of course it would, but what would it take to get to that point? Your consumption.

None of this happens if those with disposable income don’t purchase the product. You start, you tell your friends, they follow, bam you have created change. It takes a long time, but as an example, I remember when the first modern electric cars were introduced in the 90’s. Many people laughed at it, then consumers started buying them, there was demand. More companies made cars like this. Now? Electric cars are poised to supplant combustion based vehicles in the next 50 years. If you told someone in 1962 that in 2062 there would be all electric cars they would laugh their butts off.

As I exampled above the Bud Light situation, we also see this manifest itself on social media. “boycotts” have been around a long time and in modern times we have most boycotts centered around a political ideology. Let me say clearly, I don’t care if you are liberal, conservative or other. You do you, however where ever you fall on the political spectrum your consumption is powerful. Everyone wants a piece of your money and governments, media and corporations are doing a juggling act on how far to push issues without alienating specific consumer groups.

Want to create change in society, your consumption is the quickest most direct way to get the change you want. Do business with companies who support the causes you believe in. In doing this you create the economic conditions supported by supply and demand economics that may result in large cultural changes. Take the time, focus here. Be dialed in to where you spend you money, what entity gets the benefit of your consumption and what culture/institutions that company supports.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Please remember to like the post, subscribe if you are not and leave a comment so I know you were here.

Karac

Blog update – What to expect and when to expect it.

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So 2023 has been an extreme year for the blog. I have taken a lot of time to reflect on what I am doing here and have concluded that I have no idea. Not very inspiring I know but the truth often isn’t. The bottom line is there is no niche I care to fill. I don’t have one specific subject I will be covering exclusively here. You see that is the key component to having a high subscription blog, you post about one niche and build an audience.

Now I did do that initially with posts pertaining to anxiety. At the blogs onset that was the aim, to focus content on anxiety issues. To be blunt it was more so to help myself then other people, although that was a fantastic side effect. I did that for about 2 years and then evolved the blog into subjects I am interested in. that included Anxiety of course but it ran the gambit from men’s issues to finance to fitness.

Here we are years later, a long break an somewhat of a restart. First the posting cadence. There will be a formal blog post every Wednesday starting in October. Now this means I am committing to 1 blog post a week, there could be more depending on what is going on but at a minimum there will be one post a week. Next is the subject matter. I will be posting about everything. That means: Fitness, Anxiety, Gaming, Politics, Men’s issues, Objects that are purple… you get the picture.

Last thing I want to get into here is the tone and culture of the blog. There are things I feel passionate about and I write about them. I am not a professional writer, I make mistakes. I am also not a social justice warrior, a nazi, a conservative, a liberal or any “ism” I am simply a 50+ year old Gen Xer who has opinions on subjects and bit of wisdom derived from years of living and obtaining experience.

If that interests you awesome, you are welcome here. If it doesn’t I understand completely. If you feel the need to tell me its awesome great, like subscribe all that stuff. If you feel the need to tell me it sucks that’s okay too, be tactful but not cruel, I don’t like cruel do you? If you feel the need to be toxic, targeting me and or other commenters you will be removed. There are no second chances, there are no I’m sorry’ s. Be a good person, don’t say things you don’t want other people saying you.

Thanks again for all of your support of my blog. Many of you have stuck with me for years and I appreciate it. Look for new content soon!

Karac

Dressing to feel good !

MY BLOGGING REALITY – PART 3

Posted on by Karac Avalron

So, it’s been months since I regularly updated this blog. Summer 2023 for me was a travel period. I went to Las Vegas, Virginia and an unexpected trip to Montreal. Two of these trips were family vacations and the rule we have is we leave our online lives behind. There was little opportunity to blog to be blunt and the trip to Montréal was to visit a friend and help them with a professional issue they were having. The first half of July I just kind of kept my head down.

So, my blogging reality has been mapped out for you in the last 2 blog posts prior. To be honest most of what I said there is still largely true. The months off haven’t provided me with any reset or refresh. Meaning I find myself in the same situation I did in May, after 5 years of blogging I am finding it hard not to repeat myself on subjects I have already covered. I would love to profess that I have some remarkable new angle or amazing new content to offer but I simply don’t.

My life for the most part is very much the same as it was 3 years ago when this blog was peaking. Now I want to shift to the positive for a bit, this break and reality check that I have done over the last few months doesn’t mean the end of the blog. It does mean that I will be posting less and its likely to mean that I will be posting on more topics. The one take away I have gotten from my time off is I can’t focus on one niche topic to propel the blog into a high subscription total.

The truth is, if you want a high subscription blog with lots of clicks and high traffic you have to find a niche to blog about. Kite’s, Mazda Miata’s, Civil War stories…. You really need to capture an audience that wants to consume your specific content. You aren’t as important as the content you produce a harsh reality for any new blogger. So, your choices are limited if you don’t focus on a niche. What you are left with is subscribers and traffic who are interested in what you have to say. They are here for YOU first, the content second.

This is perhaps the hardest type of blog to pull off. It is where I am at because there is not one subject that interests me more than another. I don’t have a niche; I suppose I am the niche and those who want to see what I have to say next are truly unique blog readers. I am not sure what else to say here other than there will be more blog posts coming. I don’t know what they will be about or if anyone will actually care but I have invested too much time into my blog to just let it die.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for supporting my blog and content. I really appreciate it and I will see you soon with a more targeted post that is not centered around the health and viability of the blog.

Karac.  

MY BLOGGING REALITY – PART 2

Posted on by Karac Avalron


So the last post I made I revealed that in my 5th year of blogging I am not achieving the goals I set for myself here. I want to be clear that the blog IS successful, just not by my personal measure. When you create content you have to evolve and or be very realistic about how your content sits with the customer (that is you reader). So what the analytics tell me is, once the pandemic ended less of you come here, and less of you engage with the content.


This happened in 2021, I saw the trend and shifted to a more broader content offering. That had some successes. Here is a list of the subjects I post on:
o Anxiety
o Over 50 exercise
o Advice for Men
o Finance
o Some politics
Anxiety tanked for me after the pandemic. I was getting great views and traffic through early 2021, then it fell off. Could be my content, could be people didn’t want to read anxiety pieces any more, could be people went back to work. I don’t know but that is the reality. Its never recovered


Over 50 exercise great interaction but its fitness, so to be candid I suspect a decent % of the interaction was botting. I know that’s not a term you should throw around lightly but I looked at some of the people who liked that content and in some cases it lead me down a rabbit hole, lets leave it at that. So yes it was popular but it’s a small part of my life. I cant devout a blog to it exclusively I just don’t have the content for it.


Advice for Men – This was hit or miss. Some pieces did very well others were utter disasters. This type of content can be divisive and to be blunt to really gain traction in this space you have to be vitriolic. That’s not where I am at mentally, I am not going to yell at men and Im not going to blame women. I found good middle ground on my advice for men but honestly people don’t want that. They want drama, MGTOW and cheating stories. Those get clicks, I don’t have those stories.


Finance and politics we can lump into one group here. They were mediocre given the time it takes to produce the pieces. Anyone can come on a blog and say “Buy this stock” but to have credibility you need to have citation and or good knowledge. I have degree’s in finance and accounting, I have been in finance for decades but saying that doesn’t make people believe you and I am unwilling to expose personal details.


So those categories comprise the main areas I wrote about. I excluded one HUGE area of my life and that is gaming. Yes I am a gamer, it’s a hobby I have had for decades and will continue until I die. I have a gaming channel on you tube that was started AFTER this blog. Each served a part of my creativity that was important to me and I kept them separated. I also did not post much about my family life. I have been married for 25 years, I have kids, dogs, houses I’ve got a lot going on.


So as I look to the next iteration of “A Gen X Point of View” I have some serious choices to make here. I cant sustain the posting cadence of 3 pieces a week, Im out of things to say frankly. This is more then writers block this is literally me looking back at 700 blog posts and wondering “have I already said this?”


In the next post I will explore some of the possibilities I see for the blog. I will also discuss the other posting category on my channel “Wisdom from the Past” which I didn’t cover here.


If you got this far, thanks again for supporting my blog as I work through these issues. I really appreciate it.

My Blogging Reality – Part 1

Posted on by Karac Avalron


To cut to the chase this blog has to evolve to its next iteration. I am in year 5 of this endeavor and to be blunt it has not gone as well as I had hoped. Now to be clear, what that means is I set goals for myself when I started this. I think it is important to have goals when you start an endeavor; it is a framework in which to operate. Don’t read this wrong, I have had many successes with this blog but in the end my objectives aren’t being met.
So when I started, I adopted the correct approach to creating online content – I focused on a niche – Anxiety. I have anxiety it is something that I am passionate about but I dedicated the blog exclusively to it and it did well, then the pandemic hit and it did even better. However, my interests were not exclusive to Anxiety and committing to creating 3 pieces a week, I needed to post about other things.


The second iteration of the blog came about, I started to post about things that interested ME, not necessarily the reader. This often only works if you have a large core audience, essentially you are asking people to become interested in you the creator not the content exclusively. This is a big ask, UNLESS you have tens of thousands of subs, at 300-500 meh.
Now in terms of metrics I scaled with other creators. As an example, I am subbed to some bloggers who have 30K subscribers but muster maybe 200 likes a post. At 600 subscribers, I muster 5 likes a post. In comparison my audience is more engaged but it’s not just about audience engagement. There are other factors at play here, 2 specifically.


FIRST: Are people actually reading the posts? SECOND: Do have the ability to continue to create at the pace I am. In both cases, the answer declined over time. Each year has seen less people actually reading this blog and me running out of things to post about. I mean 3 posts a week, how many times can I talk about my workouts or anxiety without this becoming a vlog?


So here we are in year 5 of the blog. The goal for the end of year 5 was a few thousand subs (I was hoping for 2500). A steady readership of 10% – 25% per post ( % of subscribers) and more interaction to inspire more posting. Its did not happen. This is not a plea or a criticism of those subscribed, it is a reality check. So now I find myself nearing the end of the 5 year plan. Had I achieved the goals I set out I was going to create a website and do much more branding and employ outside help to propel the blog further.


It appears that isn’t going to happen, so I am in the process of reimagining what I want to do here. That is the current journey of this blog and where I am at. May is a month where I will be traveling a lot, and it will bleed into June. The posts will likely be sporadic but by the end of June, the next iteration of the blog will be in place, whatever that is.


For those of you who read regularly I truly thank you. I will post another update soon.

Gandalf

The Wisdom of Tolkien…Again..

Posted on by Karac Avalron

“Wise men speak only of what they know”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

We’ve all heard some iteration of this in some form in our travels. My father used to say to me many years ago “When you are up to your nose in poop, done open your mouth”. Of course he was more colorful in his prose. He was a Korean War vet and didn’t have much use for B.S. I guess he had seen enough over there to understand the value of his time.

I digress though….

So have you been in a conversation with someone or a group of people and there is that one person who refers to “they” or uses the term “they say”? These are the types of people Tolkien is talking about here. As an example, if we were to talk about personal finance I could hold my own with just about anyone that’s my area of expertise.

Hobbit Hole
So does this mean I can be a Hobbit?
“They Say” this house is to small…

If for example we were talking about Astrology I wouldn’t know the first thing other than some cursory info on the solar system, or a guess at how many stars are out there… you get the drift.

Be mindful in your life who is speaking to what subject. It is true the older you get the more experiences you have and you can speak wisely on many topics. Another example… I can tell you and speak to how to jump start a car. Not because I am an auto mechanic but because I’ve had to do it several times in my life.

Not every wise person comes in the guise of the highly educated. A master’s degree is not required in all subjects to have wisdom in said subject. That said be wary of those who boast, who preface remarks, who use citations that don’t make sense, who refer to things that, in your heart you know just don’t make sense.

Tolkien is telling you wise men (and women) speak only what they know. Who are you getting your information from? Is this person a walking encyclopedia? Chances are they are wise in nothing at all, other than how to create the illusion of wisdom.

Interested in more wisdom from Tolkien? Check out my post here

Wisdom from the past, and present…

Posted on by Karac Avalron

“Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.”
― Robin S. Sharma

Robin Sharma is an author who deals primarily in business leadership. His resume of companies he has worked with is not only notable but extensive. He is not a main stream name, many people have no idea who he is and honestly would never need to read his material. Like all good authors he, from time to time gives us a pearl of a quote. Let’s discuss it a little bit.

The quote itself is pretty obvious, how do we parlay this wisdom into the present? We are coming off lockdowns and travel restrictions and the narrative is “let’s get back to normal”. Do you want to go back to the routines you maintained prior to covid? Do you want to live the same year again?

Perhaps for you this is the time to continue the disruption of covid in a positive way. Perhaps changing your “normal” is a good thing. I’ve lived the same year multiple times, it’s easy because routine breeds comfort and comfort swallows time. Think of ways you can change your old normal. Travel more? Get a pet? Volunteer? ?

It’s a great time to change your personal narrative and not fall back into the old normal you used to partake in. Before you know it you will be 75, take me for example… I am closer to 75 now than I am 25. Don’t live the same year over again. Try something new, force yourself, who knows it might be the thing that at 75 you look back on and smile.

Thank you for coming by and supporting my blog I really appreciate it. Want to see another post like this one? Click here.